Should I Continue? Easier to read version - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 5 Old 08-04-2013, 10:07 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 174
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Question Should I Continue? Easier to read version

As I said in the other one my grammar is not that great, so please do not point out any grammar mistakes you may see. I am just doing this for fun and to help me through the stresses of moving.

More than four thousand years ago a man named Job complained to God about all his problems. It is said that God answered him "Do you give the horse his strength or clothe his neck with a flowing mane? Do you make him leap like a locust, striking terror with his proud snorting? He paws the ground fiercely rejoicing in his strength and charges into the fray. He laughs at fear, afraid of nothing, he does not shy away from the sword. The quiver rattles against his side, along with the flashing spear and lance. In frenzied excitement he eats up the ground, he can not stand still when the trumpet sounds."

Nearly stretched out flat against the ground as he gallops the massive black horse and his rider leader lead a group of soldiers across a field towards a group of grey clad men. Astride the horse's muscular back his rider, Laura, unsheathes her red handled sword. In the bright sunlight the sword gleams along its lethal double edged blade. As the powerful black horse nears the group Laura points the blade forward and, for the first time, notices fear upon the faces of her enemies. She can almost see the whites of their eyes as her mount strikes down the first man with his hooves.

The scent of spent gunpowder and blood hangs heavy in the air as Laura looks around at the carnage of the battle field. A women astride a horse very similar to Laura's comes to a stop next to Laura and says " Laura I have known you since the two of us were in diapers and this has got take the cake for the most nutty things we have ever done. With each battle we fight in I wonder if the 2007 we left behind will be the same, that is if we ever find a way back. I'm scared.," Looking at the women Laura says " Jen your my best friend, do you honestly think I would let anything bad happen to you? Beside me you have Fuego who'll keep you safe, he is a brave gelding and I'm no chicken either. If we do find a way back to 2007 it will be the same as the one we were forced to leave behind. I will keep you safe even if I have to dye trying.," Smiling Jen says "Don't forget you have Tempest, he's probably the most formidable stallion I have ever met. Even with the horses carrying us through battle, we are all mortal and a bullet or cannonball can still kill us.," Patting Tempest on his broad left shoulder Laura says "There is a legend about fallen knights returning as great horses. With each passing day I believe more and more that out horses were probably once knights. They have seen battle before if that holds true and with them we will find a way back to the future we left behind either way.," Then she nudges her great horse forward, back onto the body strewn field.

Turning away from the now ruined field Laura points Tempest in what she believes is a northern direction. Behind her the group of soldiers, all astride their horses, looks like a solid black mass. Beneath Laura the stallion arches his neck, his muscles rippling with untapped power. Laura, holding the reins loosely in her left hand, looks ahead at the trail ahead. Then her mind and body snap to attention when she sees a blurr of grey in some brush off to the one side of the trail. Then instinct takes over when her eyes catch of metal and she jerks back sharply on the reins. Tempest half rears, squealing as he scrambles backwards. To prove what she said earlier Laura jabs her mount's right side with her heel, forcing him to slam into Jen's brawny horse. Then she feels the bullet as her vision is filled with a blinding light, then time seems to slow.

Gripping her calf tightly Laura looks over at Jen before noticing that they and their horses are the only ones moving. A women, looking very much like a secretary, appears before them with a very angry look on her face.Glancing at Laura, who looks like she is about to fall off Tempest, Jen looks back at the women and says "Who the heck are you?," Glaring at Laura and Jen the women says "My name is Atripos, I am the fate who is in charge of deciding when a person dies. You have made a horrible mistake traveling back in time, by doing that you have change the future by changing the past. Now changing the past, that is going to **** far.," Confused Laura says "What did we do wrong? We never asked to time travel back to the bloody civil war.," Holding up a book Atripos says "You ruined my life, God gave me a job and I worked really hard at what I did. You know what the last straw was? When you stopped the battle of the Wilderness from happening.," Sighing Jen says "Lincoln told us to kill that group of Confederates, we couldn't ignore an order give by the president. What's the big deal about it any way?," Taking a deep breath Atripos says "By stopping that battle you unsank the Titanic and created seventy thousand new souls. It has made my job nothing but pure chaos!," At the same time Jen and Laura say "So what can we do to make things right, Atripos?,"

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post #2 of 5 Old 08-08-2013, 12:33 PM
Join Date: Aug 2013
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Good job so far
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post #3 of 5 Old 08-10-2013, 03:59 PM
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: A small town in NY
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1) I love that verse at the beginning! It's a great attention grabber. 2) The adjectives/detail parts do a good job supporting the story without interrupting the flow of it. 3) Very cool idea to have them go back in time and change history. Definitely something I'd like to see more of!

A horse is a mirror to your soul. And sometimes you may not like what you see. - Buck Brannaman
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post #4 of 5 Old 08-10-2013, 08:58 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
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"Of all the insane things that Atripos could've asked us to do. While she goes off trying to fix what we messed up we get stuck hunting monsters that we have no clue how to kill," Jen says as she looks at her laptop. Pushing the gas pedal down further Laura says " I don't think what Atripos has us doing is all that bad compared to what we found out about the horses. When Tempest turned into that bat winged, red eyed horse I darn near had a heart attack and died.," Sighing Jen says "I just wish that he and Fuego were still by our sides, they could probably take down some of these beasts. Where in sam hill are we going any how?," Glancing over a Jen, and pushing the blood red Challenger still faster, Laura says "You heard Atripos if we ever need them all we have to do is call and they will come, no matter how far away they are. Any way, we're heading to a dusty town in northern New Mexico. Ever hear of a Thunderbird?",

"A Thunderbird is a large bird from the mythology of Native American legends and myths. They are capable of creating major storms and thunder when they fly, some legends say that they can shoot lightening from there eyes. There is no known way to kill this creature because everyone who has tried were never seen again," Jen says as she looks at her computer screen. " Of all the monsters we could go up against for our first "job" we get the one that can not die. If they have a beating heart and move then there is a way to kill it Jen. What the heck is that?," Slowing the car and pulling to the side of the road Laura stares ahead at a large ominous black cloud that seems to have stopped over a town. Paling Jen says "Nothing I have read says that dark clouds are something that they create. We're doomed.," Smirking at Jen, Laura rolls down her window and lets out a long low whistle.

Tossing his head Tempest paws the dry earth, his chilling red eyes seeming to pierce into Laura's very soul. Looking at the horse Laura says "Do you think you could help us kill this over grown bird Tem? Or, do we have to call in the big guns?," Making a noise that sounds almost like laughter the horse says "Did you seriously just ask me that question? Me and Fuego, we can't die so we will fight no matter what. Hop on.," Grinning Laura walks over to his side and swings into the all to familiar saddle as Jen watches on from Fuego's back. Holding onto the saddle Jen says "Never will I get used to being able to have a conversation with a horse." "Lets rock ol' boy," Laura says before Tempest stretches out a pair of massive bat-like wings and takes to the air. Air hits Laura in the face like a wall as her hair is ruffled by the strong burst of air.

Getting closer to the town the stallion suddenly rockets higher into the sky, nearly throwing Laura from the saddle. Hand going to her gun Laura says "Tempest what s going on?," "We've been spotted by our prey, the hunters are now the hunted," Tempest says grimly as he dodges past a bolt of lightning. From the corner of her eye Laura notices Fuego leave them, barrel rolling to make a harder target. Then directly ahead she sees a gigantic storm grey and yellow bird, sparks jumping all over its impossibly large wings. Tempest dives straight down, wings pinned tightly against his body to gain more speed. The world then lights up as the bird sends another lightning bolt there way.

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post #5 of 5 Old 08-12-2013, 08:13 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
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A dull snap fills the silence as the stallion slams into the ground, Laura nearly getting squished beneath his back. Feeling the all to familiar uniform brushing against her skin Laura wriggles her right leg out from under Tempest's side. The stallion groans in pain as he gets to his feet as well, his right wing bent at an odd angle. "Judging from the looks of things what ever that overgrown bird did sent us back to the Civil War. From the looks of your wing we won't be going very far any time soon," Laura says as she surveys her surroundings. Her leg aches from having a horse fall on it but she ignores it, shoving it to the back of her mind.
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