should i finish - The Horse Forum
 1Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 11 Old 06-15-2013, 04:57 PM Thread Starter
Foal
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 13
• Horses: 0
Smile should i finish

As Sophie diamond tacked up for her lesson at pheasant hill equestrian centre she was on moonshine that week a handsome 15.1 hand thoughterbreed who loved jumping.
babyponies is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 11 Old 06-16-2013, 03:29 PM
Started
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: The Bluegrass State
Posts: 1,627
• Horses: 3
You'll need a little more to your story before we can make a judgement! One sentence isn't much to go off of ;) If I can say one thing, make sure you are watching your grammar and sentance structure, it's essential to any good writing!

~ When I Die, Remember Me By My Horses ~
* Because They Are Responsible *
.: For Letting Me Live :. (c) xJumperx
xJumperx is offline  
post #3 of 11 Old 06-16-2013, 04:24 PM Thread Starter
Foal
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 13
• Horses: 0
Chapter one

As Sophie diamond tacked up for her lesson at pheasant hill equestrian centre she was on moonshine that week a handsome 15.1 hand thoughterbreed who loved jumping. As she mounted onto moonshines back her two best friends came round Becky Robert and Lilly scoter came over riding their own horses buzz a handsome 16hh palomino warm blood and dream a pretty bay sports horse. About 2 minutes later Dan and Aidan came out riding bubble gum and jasmine and following closely behind was Annabel who was riding lightning a fast strawberry roan. Annabel currently dated Aidan just that moment Catharine came out of her office and told everyone to go to the outdoor school. When we got down there we noticed there was jump set up
babyponies is offline  
post #4 of 11 Old 06-23-2013, 08:44 PM
Weanling
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: minnesota
Posts: 366
• Horses: 1
It sounds like a good story, but like xjumper said, grammar is important:) also, at th end of the second post, you switched point of views:)
skyhorse1999 is offline  
post #5 of 11 Old 06-24-2013, 12:44 AM
Yearling
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 971
• Horses: 0
Quote:
Originally Posted by xJumperx View Post
make sure you are watching your grammar and sentance structure
Sentence structure :)

This space has been left intentionally blank.
Chokolate is offline  
post #6 of 11 Old 06-28-2013, 04:06 PM
Started
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: The Bluegrass State
Posts: 1,627
• Horses: 3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chokolate View Post
Sentence structure :)
You know what, I read that RIGHT after I was unable to edit, and did the biggest face palm of my life!! LOL. Here I am reminding someone of their grammar, and I can't even spell!! Can you say blonde moment???
Chokolate likes this.

~ When I Die, Remember Me By My Horses ~
* Because They Are Responsible *
.: For Letting Me Live :. (c) xJumperx
xJumperx is offline  
post #7 of 11 Old 06-29-2013, 07:31 AM
Green Broke
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Northwest Florida
Posts: 4,303
• Horses: 4
Quote:
Originally Posted by xJumperx View Post
You know what, I read that RIGHT after I was unable to edit, and did the biggest face palm of my life!! LOL. Here I am reminding someone of their grammar, and I can't even spell!! Can you say blonde moment???
Funny...I had you pegged for a brunette...

I am Second
Born Once, Die Twice. Born Twice, Die Once.
Roadyy is offline  
post #8 of 11 Old 07-11-2013, 05:40 AM Thread Starter
Foal
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 13
• Horses: 0
idicided to write more


Chapter one

Sophie diamond tacked up for her lesson at pheasant hill equestrian centre she was on moonshine that week a handsome 15.1 hand thoughterbreed who loved jumping. As she mounted onto moonshines back her two best friends came round Becky Robert and Lilly scoter came over riding their own horses buzz a handsome 16hh palomino warm blood and dream a pretty bay sports horse. About 2 minutes later Dan and Aidan came out riding bubble gum and jasmine and following closely behind was Annabel who was riding lightning a fast strawberry roan. Annabel currently dated Aidan just that moment Catharine came out of her office and told everyone to go to the outdoor school. When we got down there we noticed there was jumps set up. We warmed up doing a lot of bending work before transition work also.


They all cantered over little cross poles in a line before going over some bigger staightpoles on their own Sophie picked up a nice active canter before aiming moonshine at the jump one two three over Sophie stroked moonshine as she landed. Annabel was the last one to jump that jump she had a bad approach but she still cleared it.
babyponies is offline  
post #9 of 11 Old 07-11-2013, 06:36 AM
Weanling
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 430
• Horses: 0
You really need to work on punctuation - including capital letters for names etc, sentence structure, story line and whose perspective you are writing the story from.

If you keep writing and editing you will keep improving.

Horses lend us the wings we lack;

Becca93 is offline  
post #10 of 11 Old 07-18-2013, 10:44 AM
Foal
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 86
• Horses: 0
It looks sounds like you enjoy writing, babyponies. You have gotten some good feedback about proper punctuational andsentence structure. Is that making sense to you? I know sometimes my son will not understand how his sentence structure and punctuation is wrong. As you look at the first sentence, do you notice anything that needs to be changed? I am noticing some capitalization errors in that sentence, and the need for additional punctuation. What do you see?
LilacsBloom is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the The Horse Forum forums, you must first register.

Already have a Horse Forum account?
Members are allowed only one account per person at the Horse Forum, so if you've made an account here in the past you'll need to continue using that account. Please do not create a new account or you may lose access to the Horse Forum. If you need help recovering your existing account, please Contact Us. We'll be glad to help!

New to the Horse Forum?
Please choose a username you will be satisfied with using for the duration of your membership at the Horse Forum. We do not change members' usernames upon request because that would make it difficult for everyone to keep track of who is who on the forum. For that reason, please do not incorporate your horse's name into your username so that you are not stuck with a username related to a horse you may no longer have some day, or use any other username you may no longer identify with or care for in the future.



User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Why do nice girls seem to finish last? CLaPorte432 General Off Topic Discussion 30 09-15-2012 11:14 AM
how do you think he fill finish out mam0329 Barrel Racing 3 09-28-2010 08:21 AM
Please finish your contest... Velvetgrace Horse Contests 34 08-19-2009 06:57 PM
I am going to finish today dang it! Dartanion Hobbies 3 05-19-2009 06:12 PM
Help Finish The Story... HorseBackRiderChik123 Horse Stories and Poems 6 09-04-2008 05:29 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome