should i finish - The Horse Forum

 
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 4 Old 06-20-2013, 04:24 PM Thread Starter
Foal
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 13
• Horses: 0
should i finish

Sophie sat in the arm chair in the living room thinking of her funniest memories before she had been stupid and married Aidan a very poplar rich accountant who often told lies because when he asked Sophie Lawson when she was 16 to marry him and said he would spend tons of time with her doing stuff she liked. She looked at the packet of pills on the table she reached over and picked them up and swallowed the whole packet she went into a deep sleep “mum are you okay shouted her daughter Amy “.
babyponies is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 4 Old 06-20-2013, 07:35 PM
Super Moderator
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 21,206
• Horses: 7
It's a good idea but you need to put some punctuation in it I think, the sentences are really long.

I think you should keep going.

"Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I love you
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense
Never let your prayin knees get lazy
And love like crazy"
farmpony84 is offline  
post #3 of 4 Old 06-22-2013, 03:46 PM Thread Starter
Foal
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 13
• Horses: 0
Chapter 1

Sophie sat in the arm chair in the living room thinking of her fun memories. When she just had to beat Chase. Before she had been stupid and married Aidan a very poplar rich accountant who often told lies. She new this because when he asked Sophie Lawson when she was 16. To marry him and said he would spend tons of time with her doing stuff she liked. She looked at the packet of pills on the table she reached over and picked them up and swallowed the whole packet. She went into a deep sleep “mum are you okay shouted her daughter Amy shouted and dialled 999 “.

Amy could not believe her dad was sending her to live with her grandparents in the middle of nowhere. The past month had been hard her mum had tried to kill herself and was in a deep sleep and no one new if she was ever going to wake up. As she stepped of the plane she looked for her gran and granddad in the busy collecting room her eyes a middle age lady started to walk towards her who looked vaguely familiar. Her gran steeped forward and shook her hand she said sorry you granddad could not come a fence broke and he had to attend to it Amy said it was okay. So I brought chase to help carry you bags and drive the car seeming as I don’t drive. A man steeped forward that looked old enough to be her dad and took her suitcases.

A few hours later they arrived at the stables that they owned which had a few nice barns.
Her grandparents seemed seemed to have a lot of horses. The house looked beautiful with whitewalls and a flour bed around it. Sophie followed her gran into the house and was given a quick tour while chase went to put her bags in her room. The house was painted natural colours with horse photos hung up after she had a look around the house she was given a tour around the stable blocks. At dinner that night she was introduced to the yard dogs and her granddad. Who was very funny that night they all watched TV.


The next day when Amy woke up she wondered where she was but then she remembered she was staying with her gran and granddad. There was boxes put outside her room there was a note on top what said.

Morning Amy there is riding cloths in these boxes that should fit you once you changed grab something to eat and meet us in the yard.

Amy meets her grandparents in the yard wearing a pair of cream jodhpurs and a purple jumper. Her granddad got a girl called molly to get a pony called moonrock in and saddled up and a girl named Sarah to fit a hat. When she returned a little 13.2 blue roan pony was saddled up. Her granddad told her that this was moonnrock Sophie was legged up onto the ponies back. Sophie was told how to hold the reins and the position her legges should be then she was told how to get the pony to move forward. Molly walked beside her while her granddad told her what to do

wondering what you guys think
babyponies is offline  
post #4 of 4 Old 06-23-2013, 06:54 PM
Started
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: The Bluegrass State
Posts: 1,651
• Horses: 3
You have a lot of gramatical errors in your piece. The story has the potential to be really good, but you'll really need to work on your grammar. Just a little bit of learning goes a long way, so eat up the information! You have great potential, now it's just time to tap into it! :)

~ When I Die, Remember Me By My Horses ~
* Because They Are Responsible *
.: For Letting Me Live :. (c) xJumperx
xJumperx is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the The Horse Forum forums, you must first register.

Already have a Horse Forum account?
Members are allowed only one account per person at the Horse Forum, so if you've made an account here in the past you'll need to continue using that account. Please do not create a new account or you may lose access to the Horse Forum. If you need help recovering your existing account, please Contact Us. We'll be glad to help!

New to the Horse Forum?
Please choose a username you will be satisfied with using for the duration of your membership at the Horse Forum. We do not change members' usernames upon request because that would make it difficult for everyone to keep track of who is who on the forum. For that reason, please do not incorporate your horse's name into your username so that you are not stuck with a username related to a horse you may no longer have some day, or use any other username you may no longer identify with or care for in the future.



User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.


Old Thread Warning
This thread is more than 90 days old. When a thread is this old, it is often better to start a new thread rather than post to it. However, If you feel you have something of value to add to this particular thread, you can do so by checking the box below before submitting your post.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
should i finish babyponies Horse Stories and Poems 10 07-18-2013 04:06 PM
Started a peacock...how do I finish?! ElaineLighten Horse Artwork 8 02-16-2012 07:51 PM
how do you think he fill finish out mam0329 Barrel Racing 3 09-28-2010 08:21 AM
Please finish your contest... Velvetgrace Horse Contests 34 08-19-2009 06:57 PM
Help Finish The Story... HorseBackRiderChik123 Horse Stories and Poems 6 09-04-2008 05:29 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome