should i finish
   

       The Horse Forum > Horse Pictures, Videos, Artwork, and Contests > Horse Stories and Poems

should i finish

This is a discussion on should i finish within the Horse Stories and Poems forums, part of the Horse Pictures, Videos, Artwork, and Contests category

     
    LinkBack Thread Tools
        06-20-2013, 04:24 PM
      #1
    Foal
    should i finish

    Sophie sat in the arm chair in the living room thinking of her funniest memories before she had been stupid and married Aidan a very poplar rich accountant who often told lies because when he asked Sophie Lawson when she was 16 to marry him and said he would spend tons of time with her doing stuff she liked. She looked at the packet of pills on the table she reached over and picked them up and swallowed the whole packet she went into a deep sleep “mum are you okay shouted her daughter Amy “.
         
    Sponsored Links
    Advertisement
     
        06-20-2013, 07:35 PM
      #2
    Super Moderator
    It's a good idea but you need to put some punctuation in it I think, the sentences are really long.

    I think you should keep going.
         
        06-22-2013, 03:46 PM
      #3
    Foal
    Chapter 1

    Sophie sat in the arm chair in the living room thinking of her fun memories. When she just had to beat Chase. Before she had been stupid and married Aidan a very poplar rich accountant who often told lies. She new this because when he asked Sophie Lawson when she was 16. To marry him and said he would spend tons of time with her doing stuff she liked. She looked at the packet of pills on the table she reached over and picked them up and swallowed the whole packet. She went into a deep sleep “mum are you okay shouted her daughter Amy shouted and dialled 999 “.

    Amy could not believe her dad was sending her to live with her grandparents in the middle of nowhere. The past month had been hard her mum had tried to kill herself and was in a deep sleep and no one new if she was ever going to wake up. As she stepped of the plane she looked for her gran and granddad in the busy collecting room her eyes a middle age lady started to walk towards her who looked vaguely familiar. Her gran steeped forward and shook her hand she said sorry you granddad could not come a fence broke and he had to attend to it Amy said it was okay. So I brought chase to help carry you bags and drive the car seeming as I don’t drive. A man steeped forward that looked old enough to be her dad and took her suitcases.

    A few hours later they arrived at the stables that they owned which had a few nice barns.
    Her grandparents seemed seemed to have a lot of horses. The house looked beautiful with whitewalls and a flour bed around it. Sophie followed her gran into the house and was given a quick tour while chase went to put her bags in her room. The house was painted natural colours with horse photos hung up after she had a look around the house she was given a tour around the stable blocks. At dinner that night she was introduced to the yard dogs and her granddad. Who was very funny that night they all watched TV.


    The next day when Amy woke up she wondered where she was but then she remembered she was staying with her gran and granddad. There was boxes put outside her room there was a note on top what said.

    Morning Amy there is riding cloths in these boxes that should fit you once you changed grab something to eat and meet us in the yard.

    Amy meets her grandparents in the yard wearing a pair of cream jodhpurs and a purple jumper. Her granddad got a girl called molly to get a pony called moonrock in and saddled up and a girl named Sarah to fit a hat. When she returned a little 13.2 blue roan pony was saddled up. Her granddad told her that this was moonnrock Sophie was legged up onto the ponies back. Sophie was told how to hold the reins and the position her legges should be then she was told how to get the pony to move forward. Molly walked beside her while her granddad told her what to do

    wondering what you guys think
         
        06-23-2013, 06:54 PM
      #4
    Yearling
    You have a lot of gramatical errors in your piece. The story has the potential to be really good, but you'll really need to work on your grammar. Just a little bit of learning goes a long way, so eat up the information! You have great potential, now it's just time to tap into it! :)
         

    Thread Tools

    Similar Threads
    Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
    should i finish babyponies Horse Stories and Poems 10 07-18-2013 04:06 PM
    Started a peacock...how do I finish?! ElaineLighten Horse Artwork 8 02-16-2012 07:51 PM
    how do you think he fill finish out mam0329 Barrel Racing 3 09-28-2010 08:21 AM
    Please finish your contest... Velvetgrace Horse Contests 34 08-19-2009 06:57 PM
    Help Finish The Story... HorseBackRiderChik123 Horse Stories and Poems 6 09-04-2008 05:29 PM



    All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:32 AM.


    Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
    Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
    Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0