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A Story of a Girl and a Horse, Broken Without Each Other

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        06-19-2013, 04:31 PM
      #51
    Started
    Thank you! I honestly felt the same way about Kiro not throwing J, and I'm even writing it! Lol but it's a necessary fact that J can ride him for later in the story. I love getting your feedback, by the way! Your comments are always so accurate and constructive. It's awesome, thank you!!
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        06-19-2013, 04:51 PM
      #52
    Green Broke
    You are very welcome. I enjoy giving feedback to someone who knows what to do with it as well as how to receive it.

    Now put more pen to pap...err.. characters on the screen for me to read..lol
         
        06-19-2013, 05:08 PM
      #53
    Weanling
    Are you planning on publishing this?

    As for feedback, its great and it draws the reader in but I feel like something 'big' hasn't happened in a while. I feel like something bad needs to happen, like a fall or knock in confidence. Other than that its brill! Keep it coming :)
    Posted via Mobile Device
         
        06-19-2013, 05:42 PM
      #54
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by dommycob    
    Are you planning on publishing this?

    As for feedback, its great and it draws the reader in but I feel like something 'big' hasn't happened in a while. I feel like something bad needs to happen, like a fall or knock in confidence. Other than that its brill! Keep it coming :)
    Posted via Mobile Device
    I want to disagree about something needing to happen now. This feels like the growth part in the story that is still leading up to something big. It's not meant to be a suspense thriller so it doesn't need dramatic action at every chapter. Albeit, reading this last chapter on the edge of my seat waiting to see if Kiro acted out was thrill enough without it actually happening. That in itself was enough to draw the reader into the story.

    I have a feeling about the next big action, but excited to wait and see what really happens.
         
        06-19-2013, 05:43 PM
      #55
    Started
    Chapter 18

    [[As you wish!! :p]]

    I awoke to the single most annoying sound I’ve ever heard in my life. The blatting of the alarm clock next to the bed was terrible, and my hand swept the area quickly to find the source and hush it. When my blind hand finally felt the button, I was relieved – until all the lights in the trailer were flipped on.
    “Rise and shine sunshine!!” Jared’s overly enthusiastic call was the only thing that reminded me why I was up. I sat up slowly, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, “So this is why I stopped showing! What time is it??” I asked jokingly to Jared, who was already up and dressed, waiting for something that was in the small microwave. “Five bells, my dear Krista, prime time to get up! Your Dressage test starts at eight, mine at seven, we want to be more than ready by then!” He explained as the microwave went off and he pulled out a breakfast sandwich. “Breakfast is served, ready to be eaten as soon as you are ready for it. I’m going to head to the office and rent a golf cart, I totally forgot yesterday. I’ll be by to pick you up with it in about half an hour, try to be ready!” He head out the door, leaving me to get up. “Of course,” I thought aloud as I got ready, “I start off my new show career with the biggest morning person ever known to man.”

    It didn’t take too long for me to get ready, as I wasn’t the typical girl that took forever. Horse shows taught a girl how to be efficient. I ate my sandwich just before lacing up my boots, and getting all our show clothes together to take to the stables, all in their respective garment bags. After everything was together at the door, it wasn’t long before Jared pulled up in the puttering little golf cart, with two seats in the front and a small bed in the back, to put all of our stuff. “Alright, load ‘er up!” He called. I did just that, and we were on our way.

    “This thing is adorable!” I noted, enjoying the ride on the little mini-car. Jared looked at me funny, “you mean you’ve never rented a golf-cart for shows before?” I shook my head, “Naw, Trina never saw it as necessary, and the rates were kind of ridiculous. Besides, we don’t have on-site camping and we only show in one arena all day. So we just never needed one.” Jared pondered that, then nodded side to side a bit. “Makes sense. You’ll become really friendly with this little guy while we’re together. I always get them at events. They are super useful. Don’t worry, I’ll let you drive,” he said with a sly smile. I laughed, “good! That’s really all I was asking for!”

    The ride to the barn was fairly short, but we did get the chance for Jared to show me a lot of the grounds we were on along the way. Which lines to take to get to certain places, where the food courts were, etc. He gave me a few warnings about where I couldn’t drive the golf cart, then handed over the wheel for the last part of the drive. It was awesome! I never had the chance to ride on ATV’s or anything of the sort, so this was actually pretty new for me. I was almost disappointed when we finally made it to the barn. But the sight of Kiro brought back all the joy, and I was happy to leave the golf cart behind. Jared took the keys, and we were ready to go.

    Kiro gave me a cute whinny as I came in, and NG offered Jared the same. I had noticed that the two were standing right next to each other, along their dividing wall. We saw this at the same time, looked at each other, and laughed out loud, “seems that they became just as good friends as we are!” I commented, while Jared agreed, “Yea! Those horses know who’s the bomb!” Shortly after our exchange, we went to grooming and tacking, as it was already 6:00. Jared stuck on his Dressage saddle, while I did the same. I had actually saved up enough money to buy one separate from my Close Contact saddle, since I thought that Dressage was all I would ever do. Thankfully, I had kept my CC in good condition still, and had been using it majorly for a while now. Kiro’s black bridle with white padding went on, and we were ready. “I must admit, Kiro, you look almost as good in black and white as you do in black and red,” I told my boy as we walked out of the stall. Northgate and Jared followed behind, and I noted the same color choices as us, which was obvious since it was standard for Dressage. I smiled teasingly and noted, “Yup, we look a lot better in our Dressage gear!” I said half-jokingly. He replied with, “you wish! We look amazing in everything, don’t we Northgate?” He said with a very proud, smug look on his face. I laughed and rolled my eyes, and we began the walk to the warm up arena.

    Once we were on, we both immediately went to work. Kiro moved out perfectly, doing everything I asked with splendor. “That’s my boy!” I praised him with a pat on the neck several times during the warm up. We went through one practice test, then I decided to let him walk. He was ready. I watched Northgate while I walked.

    In all honesty, it seemed NG was actually giving Jared some trouble. He had to work the bay to get him moving on the bit, and even more to get NG to extend and collect. When brought into a canter, Northgate was clearly pestered, occasionally throwing his head. Jared would respond with a kick, then would get him going again. I couldn’t tell if NG was just being arrogant … or … “Is everything alright?” I eventually mentioned. Jared pulled NG up to a halt. “I honestly don’t know, Krista. He’s not usually like this. Do you mind holding him for a second, I want to check him over.” Jared sounded really concerned, and I felt for him. I dismounted and walked Kiro over to the bay, and took the reins from Jared. Jared moved his hands over the big gelding, testing every muscle with patience, taking his time to make sure everything was examined. He opened his mouth to check for sores, and I noticed a clear drop in his shoulders and a sigh emit from his mouth. “Great. He’s got a wolf tooth back there. It’s probably bothering the crap out of him, and it’s right where the bit is.” Jared let the horse close his mouth and sighed, patting Northgate’s neck. “Well, I’m not going to ride him like that. Looks like you’re the only one showing, Krista,” he said sadly, taking NG’s reins back gently. I felt awful for him. I instantly turned to Kiro, looked him over. Not a drop of sweat, and we had done a good warm-up. He had been getting fitter and fitter … “No, Jared, you will show.” I said. He turned to look at me with a puzzled look, explaining, “I can’t ride NG like…” I cut him off, “No, you can’t, and you won’t.” I stepped to the side, and pointed to Kiro, “You will ride him.”

    Jared looked at me with stunned surprise. “But he’s your horse! I will tire him out, he won’t have his all for you! I won’t do it, that’s not fair to you.” I shook my head, “You have done everything for me thus far. Trained me, trailered me, stalled me, let me sleep in your bed, got the golf cart… I’m not going to let you do all that for nothing. I’m not asking, Jared, I’m telling. Get on Kiro. He likes you, you are literally the only person besides me that he will even let touch him. Ride him exactly like you did yesterday. We will preserve him, keep him nice and cool, and we will be fine. It’s not even hot outside, and you said yourself that the courses here are short and easy. He’s as fit as Northgate is now, and we did your course at home without breaking a sweat. He can do this easily. I wouldn’t risk his health and you know that, and I know I’m not.” I offered Kiro’s reins in Jared’s direction, “Ride.” He looked at me, then the horse, then to me before giving me a huge hug. “You are an amazing friend. I promise I will do nothing to harm him in any way.” He took the horse’s reins and mounted, gently and quietly, patting my black boy. I looked into Kiro’s eyes, watching for any sign of discomfort. There was none. “That’s my boy,” I whispered, rubbing his face and resting my forehead against his before speaking to Jared again,
    “Just don’t let anyone touch him. I mean it. There is a red ribbon on his tail, I put it there this morning. If anyone even thinks about touching him, you tell them he bites, kicks, rears, whatever. Because it’s not a lie,” I warned Jared with seriousness. He took it honestly, and nodded. I checked my watch- 6:45. “Okay, you are going in in 15 minutes. Let’s walk up there. I’ll hold Northgate. I would take him back, but there’s no time, and I really want to watch.” Jared nodded, understanding, and we made our way to the arena, me on foot and Jared on Kiro.

    “Dear god I hope this turns out okay …” I mumbled to myself just as the whistle blew and Kiro walked in to the center of the arena. It was show time.

    [[ Next chapter immediately following ]]
    Roadyy likes this.
         
        06-19-2013, 06:26 PM
      #56
    Started
    Chapter 19

    Jared saluted the judge, and the two walked forward to the rail. As soon as they arrived there, Kiro immediately went into a working trot, collected and on the bit, with almost no cueing from Jared. I hoped that Kiro would follow the test as needed, because I remembered Jared saying Kiro wouldn’t let him adjust. After a nice twenty meter circle, the team continued at a working trot. In the corner, there was the canter, also flawless. The hitch came when Jared brought Kiro down from the canter, and began trotting a circle, which was fine – but suddenly, Kiro wasn’t having it.

    Kiro threw his head up, flattened out, ears pinned and threw a hoof into the air, hopping gently with the other, a tiny rear, nothing Jared couldn’t handle, but my heart jumped around in my body so much I thought I would collapse. Oh god no. I looked around for a test to be posted, and thankfully I found it. I had memorized mine, but not his. He was in the Training level, I was in Beginner Novice. Looking over the sheet, I saw where they were – “Extended trot 20 meter circle; develop counter canter halfway through the circle” Ohhh dear. The issue was Jared was asking Kiro for essentially the wrong lead. For me, Kiro would have totally understood. For Jared, he understood, but believed that Jared was wrong, that he knew better. I just prayed that Jared could handle this.

    And he probably did the best thing he could do. He dropped the reins. Kiro stood there then, confused at what to do. Jared slowly picked up the reins, walked a few steps forward, then asked for the lead again. Kiro bucked, and gave him the regular lead. My heart was still on edge, and it took all I had in me not to run out and take my horse. There I sat, biting my lip, throughout the entire course. I was so thankful when Kiro and Jared finally returned to the center, saluted, and the announcer called a, “Thank you,” to the team. Jared let Kiro have his reins, and gave him a very big pat on his way out. I saw him talking to a few people around him, likely warning them, before he made his way over to me. As soon as he dismounted and got a good look of me, he laughed. “Oh Krista Kat, you can breathe now!” He patted me firmly on the back and traded horses. I took Kiro’s reins and patted him as well before getting on, but offered Jared my apologies, “I am so sorry he did that. I should have read your test, I should have told you he wouldn’t have done that, I am so, so, so sorry!” But Jared only snickered, and patted Kiro’s nose, “Oh Krista, stop being so sorry! It’s fine, I figured he’d not like that very much. He’s your horse, Kat, and I knew that! I was just overjoyed to get to ride him at all, I really do like him. Not sure how fond he is of me, now …” He said jokingly. I finally managed to snicker, and got out, “Don’t take it personally, he’s treated others a lot worse!”

    We had time to walk Northgate back to the stables and un-tack him before my test. On the way there, and back to the arena, Jared gave me very helpful pointers. The test was extremely easy, since Beginner Novice was as low as you could go in Eventing. I wasn’t ready to tackle any more than 2’7” yet, though, so I had to settle with the title. Soon enough, the whistle was blown for our entry, and we walked into the arena. Kiro was behaving perfectly.

    Throughout the whole test, everything went smooth as glass. Kiro extended when I asked, collected when I asked, got all of his leads … he was truly a fine tuned machine. I loved him to pieces, I was so glad I was riding him. He received the biggest pats and love on our way out, and I came out of the arena smiling wide. “That was an amazing ride, Kat! No way you’re getting beat if you keep this up!” I thanked Jared for the compliments, “I just wish he was mine!” Jared laughed, “Yea, I wish he was mine too!” I patted my boy again, laughing harder now, “Psh, you’ll have to come through me first!”

    We made our way back to the barn, and I let Kiro get a drink before switching tack for the upcoming Cross portion. I told Jared about how I usually rode him over the natural courses, and Jared took in every piece of information, “Now, he let you jump him just fine yesterday, so I don’t see him having any problems today. But keep in mind, he’s never jumped 3’3” … so be careful with him. And yourself. If he doesn’t want to do it, don’t push him, because he’ll hurt you, and I can’t have that happening. Okay?” Jared nodded, with a grin, “Thanks, Kat, for letting me ride him at all. I promise I won’t endanger either of us, I’ll take it very easy. I’ll use as little energy as possible. But I’ll admit, I’m excited to see what he can do.” I nodded, “Yes, me too. Well, let’s get him walking around. You’re the one that said we can’t let him get stiff!” He nodded, with a chuckle, and we went out. I handwalked him for a while, then we took turns riding him around. We walked pretty much everywhere, exposing the big black and getting a tour of the grounds ourselves. It kept us very entertained until it was time for Jared’s run. I sat on the fence of the warm-up arena as Jared took him over just two jumps, one at 2’6”, one at 3’. He did perfectly over 2’6”, but didn’t want to do the 3’. I sighed, very upset at the refusal.

    Jared looked at me, “Kat … you have to do it. If you don’t want to, I’ll scratch. But he’s scared. He doesn’t trust me at all, and I think you’re the only one who can change his mind. You’ve jumped higher. You can do this one jump, I know that, but only if you want to. I’m not pressuring you, I’m just telling you the truth.” I nodded, and pondered for a moment. I knew Kiro could do it, I knew Jared could do it, and I think a piece of me (deep down inside) knew I could do it too. It was now or never … it was a simple jump, easy distance, nothing I couldn’t do. It didn’t even look that high, and my confidence had skyrocketed since I had started jumping again…

    “Let me have him.” I stated quickly, jumping off the fence rail I sat on. Jared smiled wide, and quickly dismounted. “You’ve got this, Kat. You’ve got this.” I nodded, and hopped on. “I hope so!” I turned my boy, cantered a few circles, then aimed for the vertical.

    Five strides out. It’s just three foot, you can do this … three strides out, Just up and over, no big deal, Kiro has your back, one stride out …. And flying.

    It was the single most beautiful feeling I had ever had in my life. We were completely in sync, one body with two souls. Flawless, amazing grace, carrying us into infinity. I could feel him lift, arch, hover over the jump with perfect form and excellence. He landed with a feather-light touch to the ground, and the bliss followed through. With a whoop and a huge pat, I brought him down to a walk. “That’s my girl!” I heard Jared call, coming back to the center of the arena, “and that’s my boy!” I called out loud to my fantastic horse. I was so happy, I was nearly in tears. I hugged his big, powerful neck, his mane swallowing my face. “I love you! You’re the best pony ever!” I hopped off and went to his head, looking into his deep amber eyes, “a team, we’re a team. Unstoppable, perfect, amazing team, never to be separated,” I spoke only to him, before rubbing my hand over his forehead, ending at the little snip at the bottom of his muzzle. I then looked up to Jared, “Go get ‘em, best buddy!”
         
        06-19-2013, 06:47 PM
      #57
    Started
    Chapter 20

    The cross country ride went smoothly. There were a few jumps that Kiro looked at, even hesitated at times, but eventually went over, with no refusals, and Kiro didn’t rub anything. Their time was very, very good, and it seemed if Stadium went well, Jared and Kiro could still place in the top three, despite their issues in Dressage. Jared came out of the course patting Kiro and smiling, so it was clear that he was happy with the ride as well. “Good job to both of you!” I praised as they came up to me. “Your horse is something special, I mean it Krista. You can go really far with him. He had less trouble with some of those jumps than my own horse would have, believe it or not. He’s fantastic, and he’s not even giving me his all!” I have to admit, Jared’s compliments made me beam with joy, and meant a lot more to me than one could imagine. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! Oh, he’s so great. I just love him. I love that you are riding him too! Unlocking all this epic potential, getting him ready for the big stuff … you are really an amazing friend, Jared. No clue what I would do without you, seriously!” We continued chatting as we switched roles, me on horseback and Jared on the ground. Jared looked over him, and a look of shock danced across his face, which worried me for a moment, “What, what is it??” Jared looked at me, then down at the horse, then back.


    “Kat, he’s not sweating at all. He’s not breathing heavy, his heart-rate is normal … He’s not even phased by that course! Your horse is like … superhorse or something!” Jared laughed, as did I, as I pet my horse, “I like to think so! I can almost promise that he’ll be pretty hot after running again though. I am really glad he’s alright with that course though; I was a bit worried about him being overworked. Looks like all that stamina practice paid off!” Jared nodded in agreement, and we made our way to the Beginner Novice course. Soon enough, I was up in the start box, and the whistle sounded.

    The course really was pretty short. Only 10 jumps, and not a lot of running space in between. There was one lake that we had to cross, but it was small, and almost refreshing. I myself loved running through water, and Kiro didn’t seem to mind it. The only thing that would have cost us any time was the hills. I could tell Kiro was tiring by the end of the course, and was using less power to push up the last few with less speed. I was fine with this though, he had really given his all. The jumps consisted of many things, but nothing too crazy, and Kiro didn’t look at a single thing, hopping over the natural obstacles with ease. The end of the course came almost too soon, but I could tell Kiro was done for the day. With lots of pats and hugs, we made our way to the barn.

    Me and Jared both worked to un-tack Kiro, and we made our way to the wash racks together. Wearing our barn clothes now, we made fun out of the trip, and Kiro possibly came out of the event with less water than me and Jared! It was amazing, being at a show with friends, and I couldn’t believe I had let myself miss out on it for so long. Soon enough, we were back at the trailer and nearly ready to turn in for the night. I had finally forced Jared to take the bed in the gooseneck, and I settled on the couch pullout. After a few short minutes, we were both out cold, sleeping as hard as the horses likely were in the barn.


    [[ Alright, I must get away from the computer for a moment! :p More later!
    I'll be on a plane tomorrow, so I'll likely get some done then as well. ]]
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        06-19-2013, 06:51 PM
      #58
    Started
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by dommycob    
    Are you planning on publishing this?

    As for feedback, its great and it draws the reader in but I feel like something 'big' hasn't happened in a while. I feel like something bad needs to happen, like a fall or knock in confidence. Other than that its brill! Keep it coming :)
    Posted via Mobile Device

    I am actually not planning on getting this published. Reason being I am not sure any publishing company would take it.

    As for something big happening, I am contemplating having happen sooner or later ... I could either have the big thing I'm planning happen very soon, or just a bit later in the story. I'm thinking just a bit later, but I can promise that the climax IS going to occur within the next 3-5 chapters. Stay tuned!! :)
    Roadyy likes this.
         
        06-20-2013, 08:33 AM
      #59
    Green Broke
    I think you would be crazy not to submit it to review for publishing!!!!! I am a 42 year old dad of 4 daughters which creates the ability for me to ease into a girls story such as this one. I've had to read a lot of the girl oriented books with them and this one has kept my attention as well as the best of them.

    I really do hope you will reconsider submitting it.
         
        06-20-2013, 11:15 PM
      #60
    Started
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Roadyy    
    I think you would be crazy not to submit it to review for publishing!!!!! I am a 42 year old dad of 4 daughters which creates the ability for me to ease into a girls story such as this one. I've had to read a lot of the girl oriented books with them and this one has kept my attention as well as the best of them.

    I really do hope you will reconsider submitting it.
    Really? Thank you very much!! Any ideas on who I could send that to? I have no connections, as nobody I know writes. I will get you guys a little more eye candy tomorrow, I'm pretty tired today. Sorry!!
         

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