Beginner's bit*** need advice

Hi Everyone. I have enjoyed reading your posts and am learning so much!

My 9yo daughter just got a qh/paint who has been trained to the nines, but will not respond to her at all, lol

My question is: What type of bit should a beginner use? I have her using a soft rope bitless bridle and am afraid to use any type of bit because my daughter is still heavy handed and sends confusing cues! Her trainer suggested using the same bit the horse is used to, but it is a severe curb that was used for barrels, drill, etc (overkill for us) Any advice will be sooooo appreciated.

You might consider a side pull, though if your daughter is too heavy handed it could conceivably cause the horse some pain in the nose. It really sounds like the horse isn't as well trained as he should be for a nine year old.

The horse is not responding to your daughter in all ways? I mean won't go, won't slow , won't turn, leads poorly or other ground manner issues?
I ask because if he responds poorly all around, it is in his head. He does't see her as having the authority to be a leader to him. So , he can "blow her off".
It is certainly wise, IMO, to use a gentler bit until your daughter has the hands needed to hold the curb bit well. But, this alone will not make you daughter capable of getting the horse to do what she wants.

She may need a bit more assistance with how to get a horse's attention and obedience on the ground, as this will increase her position as leader in the horse'e mind.

As for a bit, I think a simple snaffle, perhaps a D ring, would be best.

Is she taking lessons to work on her heavy-handedness?

I wonder about using something like an English hackamore, properly adjusted. Gives her plenty of control but is unlikely to cause the horse serious pain.

Thank you for your imput... Yes the horse definitely does not see her as "the boss" yet, lol. We are working on leading, stopping, etc on the ground. But Gus (our 8yo gelding) just won't go for her. My dd gets so frustrated and tired of kicking, yelling, etc! He is testing her for sure! Any advice on exercises to do on the ground or under saddle to get him to comply with her?
As per your advice I will try a D-Ring on him next. I just don't want her to get so frustrated that she gives up!

I am not familiar with the English Hackamore. I too am a beginner at all of this! Fortunately we are working with a trainer but I have been questioning her tactics a little. Would the hackamore cause pain to the horse if not used correctly?

I can ride him no problem as can the trainer. He is responsive, gentle and has great cues...

Any bit/hackamore, et cetera can cause pain if used incorrectly. The English hackamore would be less likely than even a snaffle bit to hurt the horse in inexperienced hands, though. You have to adjust it properly, though, and still harp on your daughter to control her temper and actions on the reins.

What exactly is the trainer doing that has you questioning her tactics?

Wellllllll where should I start?
She has that 'cowboy' attitude and is constantly yelling "show him who's boss" without really showing my dd how to assert herself. I think this is the crux of all of our problems (the lack of explaining how to get the results before being under saddle and panic ensues!)
The comment that turns my stomach: Oh your dd has natural talent, she'll be a high pointer with more training, etc meaning more money, false hopes, etc
* my dd has taken lessons from this popular trainer for a year and only when we got our own horse did we realize that she really didn't know the first thing about riding! The lesson horses were so push button that the rider didn't have to do anything except sit up straight and look pretty. Wow, talk about a recipe for disaster.
As I write I realize that I need to shop around for another trainer that I can trust. One that will teach 'horsemanship' first!