Okay, here's an analogy:
Riding a horse is like someone teaching you to learn a foreign language. The horse has to learn exactly what you mean when you pull on the reins, you would have to learn spelling, and grammar. If you don't understand what the instructor is trying to tell you, him grabbing a megaphone and yelling at you sure isn't going to help. In essence, when you grab a harsher bit, that is what you are doing, yelling instead of trying to explain it again nicely or in a different way.