I can ask around and see what bits people have.
Although I am not a perfect rider, I don't think its my hands. I get dressage lessons with my paint and he hasnt fussed about my hands, and this is a horse that lets you know EVERYTHING that your doing wrong, (I got bucked off for gribbing with my knees and accidently leaning to the outside when asking for a lead change when we both starte in lessonss) so I can't imagine he would keep quiet.
Also with this mare I typically ride in a looser rein because she is so bit shy, and when I do go to add contact I add the pressure slowly but still as soon as I use both reins she opens her mouth (when the bit bends) which brings us here :)
Thanks for the input!
When you say you can't ride in a mullen the same way what ezactly do you mean? I have only used one once on a pony I showed, I was riding it spur of the moment for the owner and I just rode as I normally did and the pony seemed fine