Advice on a delicate situation, please. - The Horse Forum

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post #1 of 41 Old 07-25-2012, 11:49 AM Thread Starter
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Question Advice on a delicate situation, please.

So, in no way is this post meant to be bashing on anyone. I just need some advice on how I should handle this situation. I am going to be moving in with a girl that also rides, though we don't know each other through riding. She also has a horse that she will be moving up to the same facility where I will be moving my horse. No problems yet, right? Well, whenever we talk about horse things, she acts like she knows everything. She is a very knowledgeable horse person, probably more so than I am, though she is extremely arrogant and condescending about it. She thinks because she bought a horse for 20K, and I bought mine for $900, she is automatically much better than me (and pretty much everyone else). We don't know each other well, so it is really hard to try and be straight forward with her about how she sounds and how it makes me feel. I recently bought a trailer, but I don't have a truck to pull it with, so I have to borrow my dad's. We will be living about two hours away from home, so she is trying to convince her dad to buy her a truck that will pull the trailer, which would be great for both of us. However, she seems to think this trailer is both of ours. Not that I would not be 100% willing to let her use it at times, she has already planned that she is going to take it home every weekend to continue taking lessons with her current trainer, as well as to use it every time she wants to drive home for shows and farrier work etc. I am concerned about letting her use it without me there just because I worry that she can drive it safely and all that. Am I being ridiculous for thinking she is being way too forward in thinking that what's mine is automatically hers? How should I approach her about it? I don't want to say anything that is going to make it hard for us to live together or board our horses together...
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post #2 of 41 Old 07-25-2012, 11:54 AM
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Wait...so this is your trailer? 100% yours?

You should not think that you -HAVE- to let her borrow anything you own. If you don't want her to use it, just tell her. You can make up an excuse like you're using it that day, or simply tell her you don't feel comfortable loaning it out when you aren't there.

I know situations like this can be awkward, but seriously...if she's as pompous and arrogant as she sounds, why even worry what she thinks?
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post #3 of 41 Old 07-25-2012, 12:01 PM
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Why would you be moving in with someone like that, especially someone you don't even really know? This situation is only going to get worse, not better.

As far as HER using YOUR trailer whenever she wants? You need to lay down the law on this immediately, and not back down regardless of how much guilt she tries to throw your way. If you roll over and play dead, she'll continue to use and abuse you in every way possible, and it'll be your own fault.

This sounds like a nightmare just waiting to happen. I can't even imagine why you'd agree to such a living arrangement in the first place.

Don't lie, whimper, or fight with her. Just tell her flat out, 'This is MY trailer, and you are NOT to use it unless I give you permission. ' Then get a hitch lock for it so she can't go behind your back.

You want the truth? You can't HANDLE the truth!
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post #4 of 41 Old 07-25-2012, 12:01 PM
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Bad plan

I think you need to have a very fast re-think on your plans because you haven't even moved in with the girl yet and already there are cracks in the foundations. This is never going to end well as far as I can see.
As for her using your trailer without you - well who's going to pay for any damage that happens to it if she has an accident?
If she's so loaded with cash she should buy her own trailer
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post #5 of 41 Old 07-25-2012, 12:07 PM
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Holy Crow, my thoughts are a mirror-image to the previous posters.

"Step Away From Impending Trouble Now!" before it costs you money and a lot of hurt feelings
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post #6 of 41 Old 07-25-2012, 12:10 PM
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Stop this now before it gets out of hand for you. Stand your ground and get comfortable using the word "no". If she wants to take her horse everywhere, tell her she will need to get her own trailer. I can just picture this now, she uses it all the time and when the trailer needs repairs guess who will be paying for it.

Any one who assumes they can use whatever they want with out the owner's permission is not someone I would ever move in with. What else will she take of yours? Save yourself the headaches to come, do not move in with her.
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post #7 of 41 Old 07-25-2012, 12:14 PM
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If you can't get out of living with her, be sure you get a trailer hitch lock. Do not ever borrow her vehicle if she gets it - she will throw it in your face later when she wants use of the trailer. I wouldnt bring up horses and would generally try to avoid getting into her "debt".
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post #8 of 41 Old 07-25-2012, 12:16 PM
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Run away from her, fast. And don't let her use your trailer either.
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post #9 of 41 Old 07-25-2012, 12:18 PM
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This girl is a human steamroller.

Like the above posters, I would re think moving in with her. And if you decide to stay with your original plan you need to set the boundries right now.
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post #10 of 41 Old 07-25-2012, 12:19 PM
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I would start with .... NOT moving in with her. I smell a spoiled rotten brat that automatically assumes people are going to give her what she wants. It's the "entitlement" mentality and it seems to be running rampant. Don't go there.

IF by some odd reason or for whatever reason you can't get out of this entanglement ... then ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Speed Racer View Post
Don't lie, whimper, or fight with her. Just tell her flat out, 'This is MY trailer, and you are NOT to use it unless I give you permission. ' Then get a hitch lock for it so she can't go behind your back.
^^ make that your motto!!
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