Advice Please: Keep or Giveaway- Tormenting Decision - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 8 Old 06-28-2008, 05:13 PM Thread Starter
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Advice Please: Keep or Giveaway- Tormenting Decision

Please someone out there help me. I am totally lost as to what to do. I have a horse and I have had her for 18 years. I love her more than anything else in this world. When I went to college she went with me and when I moved back home to where I am from she again went with me. Three years ago she suffered a leg injury and can never be ridden again. The best specialists have seen her and at her age of 27 there isnít anything that can be done. She isnít in any pain but she does often favor that leg. She spends her days in a pasture and her nights in her stall. In order to afford her I was living at home with my family and really I still wasnít able to afford her. I was charging up my credit cards. A year ago I was offered a great position in a new company with a huge raise the only problem was it was several hours away in a different part of the state. I decided to take the job and leave her at the stable where she knew all the horses, people, and her vet and Ferrier knew of her special condition with her leg. I thought that it would be the best thing for her. Of course in leaving her behind all my costs have gone up. I worked at the barn before so my stall rent was free and I took care of her myself so I didnít have to pay anyone to do it for me. Moving has had me paying for full board and it has been killing me. I try to spend at least one weekend a month back home so I can love on her and bathe her and let her know how much she means to me. I end up sobbing every time I pull up to the barn and see her and I feel sharp pains in my chest every time I go. It would appear as though the extra money provided by the job really hasnít put any more money in my pocket. Her costs run me from $600-$700 a month and to compensate I stay in a friends extra bedroom for free with everything I own other then necessities in storage. I dream of one day owning a home with a little property so I can have a couple horses. That is all I have ever wanted in my life, to wake up and look out my bedroom window and see my horse grazing. I can think of nothing quite as beautiful as the sight of a horse. They truly are Godís greatest creation.

So a few months ago the original owners of my horse contacted me and informed me that their horse of 30 years had passed away and they had heard about my horse and that I wasnít around much. They have offered to take her and give her a good home. I went to meet them and they seem like really wonderful people. They really do, they are older than I would prefer but they have a three stall barn that is actually nicer than the barn she is in. There are 3 acres of grass pastures but no shade. They said they leave the stall door open so she could come in if she got hot. The husband would be home all the time as he is retired and the wife works part time. One problem I find is that she would be the only horse there and there arenít any others around. Horses are pack animals and they donít like to be alone, plus she has a boyfriend now. I know that sounds funny but she shares a pasture all day long with a 28 year old gelding. If they arenít in the pasture together they are nickering the whole time at each other. I am someone who preaches to others all the time about once you have an animal you should have it for life. For me they are like my children. I work with local rescue groups and help rescue dogs and cats all the time. I feel like a complete hypocrite that I could even think about giving up this horse I have had for essentially my whole life. I thought I would have her until her death. I promised her I would always take care of her and I am tormented every night by what to do. What kind of person would I be if I give her up to this couple? I want to have a home and I feel like my whole life will have passed before me before I will ever be able to obtain one. I am unable to buy furniture or go on vacation or participate more in the animal rescue group because I just donít have any money. Any fun things that I do try to do I charge on my credit card. Her vaccinations are behind right now because I just donít have an extra hundred dollars. What kind of selfish person am I that would even consider giving her away so that I could have a house, just some material possession? Isnít it more important in life to keep your promises and take care of you pets then to have a home and go on vacation? Growing up I always said I would live in a cardboard box before I would ever live without my horse. There were people I scolded for choosing to give up there horse to get married and have a family and look at what I am considering. What would they think of the girl who felt so deeply for her beliefs that she now may give her horse away? I tried to convince the owner of her boyfriend to move him to this new place as a possibility for the two of them but she said with no shade and no pond he would be to hot and he is a non sweater, so that wouldnít work. I told the couple I would call them on a Wednesday but it has been a month now and I still havenít been able to call. What a coward. Please someone tell me what to do? I have been on my knees praying about this and today I felt the need to put this to people who may understand.
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post #2 of 8 Old 06-28-2008, 05:40 PM
Join Date: May 2008
Location: California
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i sympathize with your situation, however after reading your post, I think it would be in the best interest of you and your horse to let her go. You have said that you can barely afford to keep your own boat afloat because of the maintanence expenses of this horse. to make matters worse, you say the horse is behind on vaccinations which needless to say is not healthy for him/her especially with his leg condition. I dont think you should pay attention to what people think of you. It's your job as the owner of this horse to make sure that every decision is made is his/her best interest. I am not trying to be rude or mean at all, and I do understand how difficult it is to let go of an amazing friend of 18 years. You are not a coward at all. However, as an outsider to the situation, it seems as though it may be time.

editted for grammar.

No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle. ~Winston Churchill
brightside is offline  
post #3 of 8 Old 06-28-2008, 05:47 PM
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I'm sorry for this difficult decision you have to make. Sometimes we have to give a loved animal up in order to meet our bills or just survive. Don't feel like a hypocrite--you're just learning a life lesson. I also used to say that I believed in keeping an animal for its entire life, but that's just not always possible--for several reasons. Sometimes it's financial, sometimes it's because of a move, and sometimes it's because the animal is dangerous or just isn't a good fit for the owner.
Perhaps you could give the horse to the couple on the condition that they give her a pasturemate? I agree with you that horses do best with at least one other horse there. As you said, they are herd animals.
Good luck!
FriesianSH is offline  
post #4 of 8 Old 06-28-2008, 11:31 PM
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I think you should be very happy that you have found such a wonderful potential home for your pet. If you trust these people and feel assured that your horse would be well cared for with them, I don't see how you could feel bad. As already mentioned, you aren't doing her any favours if you are struggling to keep up her medical needs. They are only going to become more and it will be difficult for you not just financially, but emotionally, when you are not there for her. If this couple will take her, your pet will have the love she is used to and deserves.

As for not having a friend... any transition will be difficult, esp. for an older horse, but it could be that she may make very good friends with the couple. For quite a while I only had one horse here, and it went quite well. She would wait for me at the end of the paddock when she heard my car, and call for me. She was a very snobby horse to people b4 that, but became very loving after losing her pasturemate. Also, many horses are quite content with the barn dog, chicken, goat or whatever. Or watching the activity in the garden. It just depends on the life at the new place.

It sounds like you have been very good to your horse and I think you should continue to do so. Be proud.
NorthernMama is offline  
post #5 of 8 Old 06-29-2008, 06:54 PM
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as i see it it's a win win siduation if you play your cards right!!!, 3 stalls?, her boy friend is 28??....hhhhmmm would these people take 2 horses? so they can stay togeather? (the note book horsey style) try that.....
KANSAS_TWISTER is offline  
post #6 of 8 Old 06-29-2008, 07:52 PM
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I'm so sorry for the tough choice you are forced to make right now. Horses are the best kind of friends and its always difficult to say goodbye. However, I agree with the others that I think you should give her to this couple. Is there any chance at all that you can board her there, but still technically keep her? These people don't sound like the type to not let you visit with her or anything. In the hearts of both you and your horse, she's still yours forever. Don't forget that. No matter where you guys may go, the many memories, lessons learned and love you share with her will never go away. She'll always love you. :P I definitely think its in both your best interest and hers to give her to them. As hard as it will be, don't think that its selfish. You are putting her needs first, which is how it should be. About the pasturemate, see if the couple will get another companion for her. Even a donkey, goat, anything. Horses get attached yes, but they do move on. I'm sure she'll eventually love her new friends. Anyway, God bless you, and I hope you make the right decision. Let us know how it turns out.

Do you have any pictures of her? She sounds like an absolute sweetheart. :)

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future'" ~ Jeremiah 29:11

Jubilee Rose is offline  
post #7 of 8 Old 06-30-2008, 09:42 AM
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As hard it is may be to do i think you need to give her to the older couple. You promised her that you woul dtake care of her and you would be my giving her a new loving home. If the couple is as nice as you say, Im sure they would let you come out for visits. It sounds like a very nice place and maybe they would even take in a pony or something for a pasture mate. Over time the pain you feel will go away and you will be able to move on with your life. Best of Luck

It's not the will to win, but the will to prepare to win that makes the difference.
- Paul "Bear" Bryant (Former college football coach)
Angel_Leaguer is offline  
post #8 of 8 Old 06-30-2008, 10:41 AM
Join Date: Apr 2008
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Not to get all "preachy" on you....but....
I find that when i've prayed so hard that my knees are raw....I already have the answer... I just don't like it!

You already know that giving up this horse is the best for BOTH of you! The horse is behind on care and you are under a credit card bill and your friend's roof.

Maybe this is one of those life lessons that you need to learn to better understand and help others with your rescuing! I like to think that people should own 'till death too. BUT, fact is that life changes for all of us. You had a good run of 18 years and now its time to let this special horsey go to some good folks and touch their lives. You can also to learn how to help other people that end up in your situation maybe 10 years from now when you own your own place with 10 stalls for rescues... Good Luck, this is never easy!

Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don't be afraid or discouraged by the size of the task, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.

1 Chronicles 28:20

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