Am I being overly sensitive?
 
 

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Am I being overly sensitive?

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  • Don't be sensitive over her

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    01-29-2012, 12:03 PM
  #1
Weanling
Am I being overly sensitive?

I don't really like posting my personal issues online, but in this case I want an unbiased opinion from other horse people.

I have a friend who has been getting on my nerves lately, and even hurting my feelings a bit. She has an OTTB, who is nice enough but isn't THAT nice, but she thinks she's he's worth way more than he is. I however would never say anything negative about her horse or criticize him to her because that's not my place and I would feel completely over the line by doing so.

I have a little 15hh QH mare who isn't the flashiest mover, but she still moves well. I don't ever plan on doing anything high level with her, but I feel like she could do well at the lower level stuff. She's come a long way since I first got her, and I'm very proud of how she's doing. I voice this sometimes. Said friend has found multiple opportunities, however, to blatantly tell me how such and such horse is a better mover than mine. I don't think she means to be offensive, in fact, it usually starts off "Well, no offense, but...". But I just feel a little taken aback when she says such things.

I could come back with a lot of things that make my more superior to hers and others - but in different ways. But I'm not that kind of person so I say nothing. It's like we will be discussing some horse, hers or some other horse, and we can be talking about it's strong and weak points, and in the end it's like "BUT it's still better than your horse."

I feel like I may be overreacting, but I'm tired of hearing how my horse is so inferior. I feel so self conscious about our work now. I really wanted to show this year, it'll be her first, and my confidence in myself and her is down the drain, over something I know is stupid.

I don't really want to say anything to her, I feel like she'd try to go back to the same point in the end...well, she's not a bad mover 'but'...

So...overreacting here? What could I say that isn't passive aggressive but would give her the message without entailing a big discussion about it?
     
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    01-29-2012, 12:20 PM
  #2
Trained
Personally I don't think your over-reacting. If this were to continue, I would politely tell her "Look, I know my horse isn't as fancy as some other ones, but her and I have come a long way together and I am proud of her. That's all that matters. It hurts my feelings when you say thing about her, I know she's not perfect, but she's perfect for me."

And leave it at that. Your friend seems to want to play a game of "my horse is bigger then your horse" and it's not nice.

Keep it clean. Keep it simple. If she takes offense to that, then she's not a very good friend in my opinion.
Walkamile, Koolio, gigem88 and 3 others like this.
     
    01-29-2012, 12:34 PM
  #3
Green Broke
When people say "no offence" they are recognising what they say is offensive, if she can say that she knows what she is saying and I would guess she knows how it would be taken.

Stop voicing opinions about either horse to her, and when she says that I would say, "that's an unkind thing to say, why did you say that, it was uncalled for?".

People have different dynamics in friends and family, and perhaps the way that she is used to his by trashing each other and talking themselves up. I've met a few people like this, but often when you stop playing their game, and point out what they are saying is unkind, unreasonable and unwelcome, they usually get a fair bit better.
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    01-29-2012, 12:36 PM
  #4
Trained
What she is saying to you is rude and usually means she's insecure. To put others down is only self-serving to build yourself up. You must point this out to her, call her on it. Obviously her parents didn't raise her properly.
ahalleyscomet likes this.
     
    01-29-2012, 12:38 PM
  #5
Green Broke
Quote:
Originally Posted by CLaPorte432    
Personally I don't think your over-reacting. If this were to continue, I would politely tell her "Look, I know my horse isn't as fancy as some other ones, but her and I have come a long way together and I am proud of her. That's all that matters. It hurts my feelings when you say thing about her, I know she's not perfect, but she's perfect for me."

And leave it at that. Your friend seems to want to play a game of "my horse is bigger then your horse" and it's not nice.

Keep it clean. Keep it simple. If she takes offense to that, then she's not a very good friend in my opinion.
Very good advice. Another option would be to say, "Up yours"
     
    01-29-2012, 12:42 PM
  #6
Green Broke
I like everyone's advice.

My thought is to pick whomever's advice works best for you and "just do it" :)))
     
    01-29-2012, 12:45 PM
  #7
Trained
Quote:
Originally Posted by natisha    
very good advice. Another option would be to say, "up yours"
lmfao!
     
    01-29-2012, 12:47 PM
  #8
Weanling
It's nice to see I'm not the only one who feels the way I do about this...

This is my first year doing hunters. And I'm already starting to just not even want to. I'll be competing against her in some classes, and while I'm not there to win, or even try to out do anyone, I feel like if we don't do so hot, I'll hear about it. It makes me want to just do dressage and be in my comfort zone. She even criticizes me for that...because apparently my horse and I can't do hunters and dressage. Which I know is crap. I've always been taught dressage is a good foundation for ANY riding.

It makes no sense I know. I know this stuff isn't true at all, but I still let it get to me and affect my riding to the point it almost IS true.
     
    01-29-2012, 12:47 PM
  #9
Green Broke
Or, just blow it off and forget about it.

You love your horse and are happy with her, so don't worry about it.

Frankly, when I was young I was very competitive. Now that I'm older, I wonder why I bothered.

She doesn't think your horse will compete very well, so why does her opinion matter anyway?

Will you love your horse any more or any less if she wins, or doesn't win, a few ribbons that don't mean anything to anyone other than you?
     
    01-29-2012, 12:53 PM
  #10
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by DressageIsToDance    
It's like we will be discussing some horse, hers or some other horse, and we can be talking about it's strong and weak points, and in the end it's like "BUT it's still better than your horse."

I feel like I may be overreacting, but I'm tired of hearing how my horse is so inferior. I feel so self conscious about our work now. I really wanted to show this year, it'll be her first, and my confidence in myself and her is down the drain, over something I know is stupid.

I don't really want to say anything to her, I feel like she'd try to go back to the same point in the end...well, she's not a bad mover 'but'...

So...overreacting here? What could I say that isn't passive aggressive but would give her the message without entailing a big discussion about it?
Wow. I think sometimes many of us don't realize how much other people's negativity holds us back - but you obviously do realize the consequences of letting this person dump all over you. So good for you! Now you just have to decide what to do about it.

What if you just bluntly said "Stop running down my mare or we're not going to be friends anymore"? Would she quit? I guess, whatever her reaction, you'll know how important y'all's friendship is to her, no?
arrowsaway likes this.
     

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