I've posted on here several times now, but I read through this forum every day. I love everything I learn!
This is kind of a rant for me. Possibly looking for some advice. It also might just help me to get it out.
I own a pony named Zoe. It was pretty much me and my riding instructor who trained her from the day my instructor bought her. That was five years ago, probably almost six [She is 9, almost 10 now]. A younger girl bought her which was very frustrating for me, because to her, working her pony meant going out 6 days a week and cantering and jumping for 30-45 minutes and just letting her do what she wants. Her family asked me to still ride her, so I have been riding her for the past 5-6 years. A year & a half ago the girl was selling her, because she grew out of her. I couldn't let her go, so I convinced my dad to pay for her and now I split all monthly expenses with my mom.
I'm a junior in college, and this year I moved her to school with me so I could ride her more. Sorry for the long background, but I just want people to get the full story.
I am very busy when I'm at school. I'm obviously a full-time student. Up until a month ago I was the President of my sorority, now I'm the Treasurer. I'm involved in a couple other organizations on campus although not super involved with those. I work as a tutor at my university so I have some source of income [although most of the money to pay for Zoe comes from working over the summer]. I obviously try to keep a social life. I have a boyfriend I like to give SOME attention to. Hah. Finally, I am an Actuarial Mathematics major, so I have to take the actuarial exams which require months of hardcore studying.
And then comes in Zoe. When it comes to horses, she has been that one for me. I've put years of work into her and I feel like she has put years of work into me. [The tears are already coming? Jeez. Haha]
Basically I just feel like I can't do enough for her. I get out to the barn at least 3-4 times a week, some weeks more, some weeks less. I have one lesson a week which is great but the other times I go I feel like I'm rushed so I don't give her the proper amount of work she needs to continue progressing.
My most recent goal with her is to work on LOTS of flat. Bending, leg yields, etc. etc. She is a quick little pony and has IMMENSE amount of potential. I'll post a picture of us from the summer even though so many people have probably already seen it. It was one of my proudest moments with her.
At the time the picture was taken, we had never jumped that high and that's when I realized the amount of potential she has and how much she truly loves her job. But like I said, she's quick and would rush jumps, so I just want to work on the flat to help improve her jumping. I think she could go so far in the jumpers. The two times I ever lost with her was once to my instructor and another time was totally my fault and we knocked a rail. Other than that never knocked a rail, never refuses jumps. Ok, now I'm just rambling but I just really think she could do amazing.
So this is when my reality starts to hit me. I want that for her, because she would love it and I know the person riding her would love it. I used to think over the summer or after college I could do it with her. But when I get out of college I will obviously be getting a job and studying for more actuarial exams.
She has already made a good amount of progress with the flat work, but I just can't help but question if she would be better off with a younger rider who can dedicate everything to her. It would literally break my heart to sell her. I'm home for a month and have only been able to see her like once a week and I miss her so much. Haha. So I don't know how I would deal with not having her anymore, but like I said, I just want so much for her.
I think that's about it. I hope people understand what I'm saying and I'm not leaving parts out that I just expect people to know. Haha I guess I'm just looking for maybe some advice? I'm just so lost and feel so guilty at times.
If you read all this, THANK YOU. I truly appreciate it, and I hope someone has some words of wisdom for me.