Am I ungrateful?
 
 

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Am I ungrateful?

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  • My parents say i'm ungrateful
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    05-10-2011, 09:29 AM
  #1
Foal
Am I ungrateful?

Just had a pretty big fight with my mom. It ended with her hitting me and calling me an "ungrateful bitch."

I guess I am one, but it's because I'm constantly comparing myself to my friends. The way my parents see it is that they have done and are doing SOO much for me. But when I compare what I have/get from my parents compared to my friends it feels like nothing.

My parents have never watched me ride, not once.
They make me BUS to my horse (only reason I board at the stable I am at is for the bus... because they will only drive me on weekends)
They pitch in $200/month towards board otherwise I have to pay for everything else.
They won't teach me to drive because we can't "communicate" so I don't have my license, I'm 18 btw, and I can't take a drivers course @ school because I already have my beginners.
They won't let me go to the university I want to go to because we don't have the money (and yet they are buying a $20,000 trailer & going on trips to mexico!!! What the heck?!)
In general they don't support my passion. Infact if you want to get really deep into it, they haven't told me that they've loved me since I was like 8 or something. Although, I haven't said it either.. but that's because I feel like they don't love me back!

Now they think im UNGRATEFUL. And I guess I am... but am I reasonable? Do I have good reason to think otherwise?

I just compare myself to all of my friends who have there parents come to every single one of their lessons and drive them an hour out to their barn. And then my school friends that are going off to like Queens and Penn and I'm stuck here going to community college. I mean, I guessss I can understand why they don't want to spend that much money because I have horrible grades... but with my artistic ablility I can make it far at the animation school I want to go to in BC! They don't support my passion for art either!

Ugh I feel like such a stupid little girl writing this post. But I need to let it out and hear some reasonable opinions on this situation. I feel like I'm right, but deep down I know I must be wrong. I'm always wrong.

Anyone?
     
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    05-10-2011, 09:35 AM
  #2
Yearling
Let me preface this by saying this that I am an adult..... All feelings are okay, so if you are feeling upset that your parents don't support you, that is perfectly fine to feel that way.... feelings are information about ourselves and are not wrong- what is wrong, is when people use those feelings as justification to kill.... but anyway, your mother calling you that is absolutely wrong. A parent should never call their child names. I wonder if you can throw in an extra thank you over dinners so that you feel better, maybe ask them if there is something you can help them out with around the house..... I am so sorry you are doubting yourself- parents do not realize how damaging they are to their children when they say awful things like that.
     
    05-10-2011, 09:46 AM
  #3
Banned
I do not think you really want an honest answer.

It is not fair to compare what you get versus what your friends get. It also does you no good other than getting upset. It is kind of like finding out what someone else doing the same job gets paid. It serves no good purpose other than make you angry.

Why not write yourself a list of the good things your parents do for you. $200/month towards a horse seems like a pretty sweet thing to me. (My parents did not give me any money towards a horse, I could not buy one until I was an adult and had my own job.)

Your parents earn the money, why is it wrong that they want to spend the money? Why is it wrong that after all this time of working hard and giving you riding lessons and horse stuff they want to take a vacation?

There are other ways to learn to drive. I know this for a fact because my parent's told me that we would talk about me driving their vehicles once I learned to drive. I did not get my license until I was just finishing up college. Look into driving schools. Maybe a friend will help you, etc.

I see no reason for your parents to pay for your college. Work hard, get some scholarships and take out loans. Lots of people have to do that.


I am sorry you and your mother had a fight. I am sure if she could take back what she said and her slapping you she would. I hope you feel the same way (but from your post it does not sound that way). We all say things we regret later on when we are fighting.

To answer the original question, yes you are ungrateful. You sound pretty spoiled even. You are not willing to work to get good grades but your parents should shell out the money for you to go to any school you want to because you want to go there. Why not put in the effort to show them that you will work hard for better grades?
     
    05-10-2011, 09:55 AM
  #4
Yearling
Well, it's hard to say, because your parents point of view is probably a lot different than yours. But you're 18...you can do what you want...if you want to go to a certain school, then do it. There is a thing called loans, and you can apply for a scholarship, they have a scholarship for everything. You can get a scholarship for having blue eyes.

You really need to have an adult conversation with your parents and just tell them how you feel. Maybe you can come up with a compromise? To me it sounds like you and your parents just argue with each other.

Good luck and feel better.

Oh, and just a little side note...being an animator is a very very tough field to get into. If you have artistic ability, you should also consider taking web design or graphic design along with animation.
     
    05-10-2011, 10:00 AM
  #5
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alwaysbehind    
I do not think you really want an honest answer.

It is not fair to compare what you get versus what your friends get. It also does you no good other than getting upset. It is kind of like finding out what someone else doing the same job gets paid. It serves no good purpose other than make you angry.

Why not write yourself a list of the good things your parents do for you. $200/month towards a horse seems like a pretty sweet thing to me. (My parents did not give me any money towards a horse, I could not buy one until I was an adult and had my own job.)

Your parents earn the money, why is it wrong that they want to spend the money? Why is it wrong that after all this time of working hard and giving you riding lessons and horse stuff they want to take a vacation?

There are other ways to learn to drive. I know this for a fact because my parent's told me that we would talk about me driving their vehicles once I learned to drive. I did not get my license until I was just finishing up college. Look into driving schools. Maybe a friend will help you, etc.

I see no reason for your parents to pay for your college. Work hard, get some scholarships and take out loans. Lots of people have to do that.


I am sorry you and your mother had a fight. I am sure if she could take back what she said and her slapping you she would. I hope you feel the same way (but from your post it does not sound that way). We all say things we regret later on when we are fighting.

To answer the original question, yes you are ungrateful. You sound pretty spoiled even. You are not willing to work to get good grades but your parents should shell out the money for you to go to any school you want to because you want to go there. Why not put in the effort to show them that you will work hard for better grades?
No, this is what I expected to hear. It's like a reality check.

And I don't really ask much of my parents, I really don't. I just need help in pursuing the things I want to do, and I feel that is their job as a parent.
I know I'm ungrateful in general.

You're definitely right.

However I'd just like to mention that I work 5 days a week to pay for a horse I can hardly see. I'm either riding or working and doesn't give me much time for school. I do spend a lot of my time drawing instead of working in class and I guess that's why, but for art school you don't really need good grades you need a good portfolio. I don't think I would necessarily call myself spoiled... ungrateful, yes.

Thanks for your input. :)
     
    05-10-2011, 10:04 AM
  #6
Banned
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katie4469    
I'm either riding or working and doesn't give me much time for school.
It is called getting our priorities right.

Your main job right now is school. Your secondary job is the one that pays the bills of the horse you chose to have. Riding should come third.


It would be great if your parents could help guide you, but per you they are not supporting your theory that you can do nothing and just become an artist.
That means you have to put on the big girl panties and make your own decisions and get where you want to go on your own.
If you do not make it, it is not their fault.

In the end, making it there on your own will make you a better person. Something you can thank your parents for.
     
    05-10-2011, 10:05 AM
  #7
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by ErikaLynn    
Well, it's hard to say, because your parents point of view is probably a lot different than yours. But you're 18...you can do what you want...if you want to go to a certain school, then do it. There is a thing called loans, and you can apply for a scholarship, they have a scholarship for everything. You can get a scholarship for having blue eyes.

You really need to have an adult conversation with your parents and just tell them how you feel. Maybe you can come up with a compromise? To me it sounds like you and your parents just argue with each other.

Good luck and feel better.

Oh, and just a little side note...being an animator is a very very tough field to get into. If you have artistic ability, you should also consider taking web design or graphic design along with animation.
Thanks. :) Yeah, all we ever do is argue. And there is no way we could ever come up with a compromise, they won't listen to me. My mom sort of just automatically has it in her head that I am always wrong! She will disagree with everything I say.

But anyways, thanks for your advice haha. I will definitely look into that. It would be my dream job as I draw ALL THE TIME haha but I have to be realistic as well.
     
    05-10-2011, 10:05 AM
  #8
Yearling
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katie4469    
...but for art school you don't really need good grades you need a good portfolio...
I went to art school, and yes you need good grades. You won't have a good portfolio until you graduate art school.

No one wants someone that just floated by in school to be working for them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Katie4469    
Thanks. :) Yeah, all we ever do is argue. And there is no way we could ever come up with a compromise, they won't listen to me. My mom sort of just automatically has it in her head that I am always wrong! She will disagree with everything I say.
With that attitude they really won't listen. If you just talk to them and don't get angry or frustrated (even if your mother does) Then eventually she should listen.
     
    05-10-2011, 10:06 AM
  #9
Banned
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katie4469    
they won't listen to me.
I am guessing they would say the same thing about you.
     
    05-10-2011, 10:10 AM
  #10
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by Citrus    
Let me preface this by saying this that I am an adult..... All feelings are okay, so if you are feeling upset that your parents don't support you, that is perfectly fine to feel that way.... feelings are information about ourselves and are not wrong- what is wrong, is when people use those feelings as justification to kill.... but anyway, your mother calling you that is absolutely wrong. A parent should never call their child names. I wonder if you can throw in an extra thank you over dinners so that you feel better, maybe ask them if there is something you can help them out with around the house..... I am so sorry you are doubting yourself- parents do not realize how damaging they are to their children when they say awful things like that.
Thank you. Unforunately name calling is bad in my family. I've been called worse, but I've also said some pretty bad stuff. It's only until I turned 18 that my parents REALLY started... umm... threatening me. Because now pretty much everything I do wrong ends up in "leave, get out." Which is SO... SO scary to hear.
I will definitely be sucking up to them in the future.
     

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