Am I in the wrong?
 
 

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Am I in the wrong?

This is a discussion on Am I in the wrong? within the Horse Talk forums, part of the Keeping and Caring for Horses category

     
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        08-16-2010, 02:08 AM
      #1
    Yearling
    Am I in the wrong?

    Alright so I just had an encounter with my Big Bad Wolf. We've had a couple arguments in the past. Twice before she has told me my riding is garbage, I am a bitch and that the world hates me and I am useless. Both of those times we reconciled, after a LONG time for the second one. It had been a year since the last one. This summer we went to 2 shows together, we are riding in the same jumping lesson and have been for 3 month{I recently moved down in to her lesson because my horse couldn't handle my lesson}. So we were talking on facebook about our rider levels.

    I mentioned I was getting level 6 this November and then soon after going for my Instructors so I could be certified to teach {its just more impressive :)}. She said that she was also going for her Instructors. Now that shocked me because I thought she was only in to showing for the joy of it, not the real future type career thing like I am. My words were something along the lines of "Wow, no offence, but I didn't think you were THAT serious about riding, I thought you jsut showed and rode for the fun of it and because you loved it, I didn't realize you were going to make a career out of it". She totally flipped out. Told me too "never effing talk to her again and she had big plans and I had no right tojudge her and that I coudl never effing talk to her againa dn the only time I could talk to her was in lessons and the only thing I could say was hi and wat's up."

    So was this all my fault, I don't plan to apologize because I wasn't the one who innitiated this but was it my fault. What did I say to warrant the abuse I got?
         
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        08-16-2010, 02:43 AM
      #2
    Yearling
    I would consider what you said very rude. It sounds like you're putting her down, telling her she isn't good enough to make a career out her passion for horses.
    I don't think she had a right to blow up like that, but I would be very upset too if someone said that to me(even though I am not that good of a rider ;) )
         
        08-16-2010, 02:58 AM
      #3
    Yearling
    No I never said she isn't good enough I said I didn't realize that is what she had intended to do. What I said was that I thought she only did it because she loved it, not because she wasn't good.
         
        08-16-2010, 03:07 AM
      #4
    Started
    To me, that girl sounds like a loose canon. Sure what you said could have been taken a wrong way but it was certainly no where near harsh enough to warrant her blowing up like that.

    When I first read what you said to her, I did not at all feel like it was meant to be rude. If someone said the same to me, I would just tell them otherwise and carry on, no big deal.

    In my opinion, she does not deserve an apology. She needs to grow up and get off her high horse (no pun intended).
         
        08-16-2010, 11:32 AM
      #5
    Weanling
    She may be totally wrong, and have completely misunderstood what you said, but obviously she felt hurt by it.
    That being the case, you could apologize like this: "I'm very sorry if you misunderstood what I meant. I was not trying to say you don't have the skill to be an instructor, etc., I just didn't think that was something you were interested in. I didn't mean to hurt or offend you at all."
    If she is still upset after that, I'd say it's her problem.
         
        08-16-2010, 11:36 AM
      #6
    Trained
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by payette    
    She may be totally wrong, and have completely misunderstood what you said, but obviously she felt hurt by it.
    That being the case, you could apologize like this: "I'm very sorry if you misunderstood what I meant. I was not trying to say you don't have the skill to be an instructor, etc., I just didn't think that was something you were interested in. I didn't mean to hurt or offend you at all."
    If she is still upset after that, I'd say it's her problem.
    I agree with this. I believe it's best to keep as many [horse-related] doors open, and you can't do so if you burn all the bridges. You don't have to be buddies, but maybe just civil enough that she can come in handy someday. =]
         
        08-16-2010, 11:44 AM
      #7
    Banned
    It was a bit inconsiderate. You have to see that or you wouldnt have posted this thread. By throwing in there that you wanted to be an instructor and then when she said she wanted to be one also you discounted her.

    I would apologize and tell her that you just didn't understand that she was that passionate about riding.
         
        08-16-2010, 12:40 PM
      #8
    Weanling
    I would apologise to her, and leave it at that.
    Just go over the top apologising if you /wish/ to salvage anything, although she did blow up and what you said should not have deserved the response she gave you.
         
        08-16-2010, 01:10 PM
      #9
    Yearling
    She with the whole apologizing thing, I've tried it before, the previous 2 times she has blown up at me about god knows what I have said sorry when it wasn't my fault, when I was not the one who caused anything and yet she still does this. I understand you guys think I should apologie but its not going to help cause it hasn't helped twice already.

    Payette I did actually tell her something along those lines. Said something like "i didn't realize you wanted to be an instructor, I thought you just rode cause you loved it." I never discredited her.
         
        08-16-2010, 04:06 PM
      #10
    Yearling
    Although I think she had a major over reaction, I can see how she'd have taken it that way. For one thing anytime a sentense starts w/ "no offense" it's pretty much a guarantee it's going to be offensive. And it does sound to me like you're saying you don't think she's good enough, even if that's not what you ment.

    Don't know what I'd do at this point, if I wanted to fix it I might try to explain it didn't come out like I ment it, but if she's forgives you I think she owes an apology to you to for the over reaction.
         

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