Am I in the wrong? - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 23 Old 08-16-2010, 06:52 PM
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You don't have to apologize for what you said. You'd only have to apologize for the misunderstanding. There's a difference.

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post #12 of 23 Old 08-16-2010, 08:59 PM
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I agree with Payette and Riccilove, IF you want to at least try to ressurect things then apologise for the misunderstanding. I agree with the fact that anything that starts with 'no offense' is going to sound bad, it straight away makes people defensive, yes she blew up but that is just how some people react to being upset, I can deifnately see how she would have got upset by that if she misunderstood what you meant. for all you know she might have other stuff going on in her life making her extra sensitive. Maybe she has had others criticising her career ideas so she automatically thought you were too. So maybe just try to apologise and that way at least you are leaving the ball in her court then.

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post #13 of 23 Old 08-16-2010, 10:08 PM
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I think that what you said could have sounded pretty mean, especially if you have had issues with her before.

Starting something with "no offence" automatically puts the person on the defensive and adds a negative connotation to everything you say. It just makes the person who is making the criticism or comment feel better about themselves.

Instead start things positively like "Cool, that's really exciting, I thought you were just into showing but its great you want to do more" or something like that. Also, becoming an instructor does not mean she wants it as a career, many people just do it as a little side thing for fun or just as a personal project.

She is over reacting and saying you're sorry probably won't help, especially if you're not sorry. Just forget her - not your problem.
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post #14 of 23 Old 08-17-2010, 01:47 AM
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Quote:
Starting something with "no offence" automatically puts the person on the defensive and adds a negative connotation to everything you say. It just makes the person who is making the criticism or comment feel better about themselves.

Instead start things positively like "Cool, that's really exciting, I thought you were just into showing but its great you want to do more" or something like that. Also, becoming an instructor does not mean she wants it as a career, many people just do it as a little side thing for fun or just as a personal project.


This. Do you really think that what you said was sweet and innocent and she just blew up. I think you know better. Several people here have pointed out to you how the statement could have been taken offensively and yet you still refuse to apologize based on the reasoning that she won't accept it. Wether she accepts it or not is really irrelevant. It does sound as though she overreacted, but you two do have a history. You were in the wrong. You should apologize (and be sincere) and explain what you meant. If she chooses not to accept, then move on and forget about it.
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post #15 of 23 Old 08-17-2010, 02:06 AM
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The fact that you continue to reconcile with someone who treats you like garbage says a lot at this point.

You know exactly what you said and you know exactly why or how you said it. Don't try to make yourself feel better by trying to convince other people she's the mean one. It sounds like you both have an attraction to continue a toxic relationship with one another, so I'd have trouble believing either one of you is completely innocent in this.

This strikes me as a textbook example of a person trying to hide behind something that COULD have sounded innocent, but they knew **** well it wasn't and are just pretending the other one is crazy. I've had that drama pulled on me and nothing infuriates me more.

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post #16 of 23 Old 08-17-2010, 03:05 AM
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It sounds to me like they may be a little jealous of each other.

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post #17 of 23 Old 08-18-2010, 01:53 AM Thread Starter
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sinsin you say we're jealous of each other, might i ask what I'm supposed to be jealous of? We are both Level 4 riders and we're both going for our Level 6 and Instructors. So what am I jealous of there?
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post #18 of 23 Old 08-18-2010, 04:38 PM
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I don't think sinsin meant anything by her post (things sound totally different in print that in normal conversation)
My interpretation of her comment is that maybe underneath it all there may be some competition between the two of you. Maybe more on her part. Speculating: maybe she's not as committed to making a career out of it but does because she doesn't want to seem inferior to you since you are committed to making this your future. Possibly when you sent your well-meaning email to her she took it personally because of that fact.
But that's where I leave the rest to you. I honestly don't know how you should go about the whole thing-I'm a peacemaker myself and like to keep things drama free.
Good luck by the way. I've been keeping up with this thread silently but had to say something before any more potential mini-drama started.
Best of wishes.

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post #19 of 23 Old 08-18-2010, 07:08 PM Thread Starter
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midwestgirl I was thinking just what your thinking. I hate sounding stuck up but I think she fears that I am a better rider than she is. I was in a more advanced jump lesson than she was till I had to be bumped down because my horse couldn't make the heights. This is my first year showing and I have never been out of the ribbons while this is her second year showing and even last year she was never in the ribbons. I know this makes me sound stuck up and I'm not but I do think its why she acts the way she does. Her attitude is her defense against me being a good rider and me having very strong future dreams.
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post #20 of 23 Old 08-18-2010, 07:17 PM
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Yeah her insecurity may be what's fueling her attitude.
Unfortunately, I have a friend who used to be like that. We're good now but went through a tough phase...not dealing with horses though. Although she is a year older than I am it always seemed like she wanted to be one step ahead of me. If I liked a guy, she did too. If I needed to get a different car, she did too. She definitely passed me up tho. She'll be married three years this fall and pregnant with her second child. I'm not in a hurry to catch up!
So my best advice would be to try to ride it out (no pun intended lol) With my situation I learned never to give her advice or my opinion, even when she asked for it. I knew from experience that no matter what I said she wouldn't pay much attention and would probably take offense.

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