anyone at all, i desperately need your help.
 
 

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anyone at all, i desperately need your help.

This is a discussion on anyone at all, i desperately need your help. within the Horse Talk forums, part of the Keeping and Caring for Horses category

     
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        12-29-2010, 08:37 PM
      #1
    Weanling
    anyone at all, i desperately need your help.

    Not sure if this should be considered "horse memorials" but I need some help.

    My horse Vegas lost his battle against cancer last year. he was my best friend, my love, my life, my WORLD.

    For a while, I thought I had kept my tears under control, but recently, I have been unbelievably upset. I have been thinking about him a LOT lately. I will just randomly start crying and I will have to lock myself in my room and just cry for a few hours. Maybe scream into a pillow or two. This has been happening every day for awhile, and im getting tired of it. I wish I could just cowgirl up, swallow the lump, and move on like a normal person, but I just can't bring myself to do it.

    All this may have to do with the fact that the last time I saw him was the day before his birthday. I slept in his stall right next to him all through the night and his body kept me warm. When I woke up, I was cold because, ...yeah. Enough said.

    God must have loved him so much, he brought him home early. I know he is doing so much better, pain-free, in the arms of the angels. I'm just waiting for the day I can see his face again.

    PLEASE understand im not looking for sympathy or any sappy condolences or anything like that. I just need help on how to control my thought and emotions about him.

    Please help. Thank you so much.
         
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        12-29-2010, 09:06 PM
      #2
    Weanling
    Honey, it doesnt get easier. We just go on. This is the price we pay to have the privilidge of having a horse( or anything) love you back. Its unconditional love and admiration.
    I was in you spot the first time oh...13 years ago.
    The horse everyone told me was crazy, but she did anything for me, was my first saddlebred and my first self trained horse. She was my world.
    I was 18, I sold the other mare ( I resented her, she didnt deseerve that) and got out of horses. Took me 12 years to rember how much they loved me ( not just how much I loved them) and I could love and be loved by another horse again. Im crying now. You never stop missing them. It will happen again, we outlive the animals we love. So, when you get a animal, just rember, someday you WILL bury it.

    Cry when you need to, for as long as you need, people wont understand, but that is their problem. Youll calm down, but it takes a long time. Just to rember to love the others too.
         
        12-29-2010, 09:15 PM
      #3
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SaddleDragon    
    Honey, it doesnt get easier. We just go on. This is the price we pay to have the privilidge of having a horse( or anything) love you back. Its unconditional love and admiration.
    I was in you spot the first time oh...13 years ago.
    The horse everyone told me was crazy, but she did anything for me, was my first saddlebred and my first self trained horse. She was my world.
    I was 18, I sold the other mare ( I resented her, she didnt deseerve that) and got out of horses. Took me 12 years to rember how much they loved me ( not just how much I loved them) and I could love and be loved by another horse again. Im crying now. You never stop missing them. It will happen again, we outlive the animals we love. So, when you get a animal, just rember, someday you WILL bury it.

    Cry when you need to, for as long as you need, people wont understand, but that is their problem. Youll calm down, but it takes a long time. Just to rember to love the others too.
    Thanks, I guess it's just reality and i've got to live with it. I would just hate to be at school or work or somewhere public like that and just burst out screaming and crying vegas.vegas.vegas in the middle of dead silence and have to be drug out of the room kicking and screaming his name. As we speak I can feel another fit coming on.. I think I need soundproof walls. -_-

    Thanks again, so much.
         
        12-29-2010, 09:22 PM
      #4
    Trained
    If you feel it coming on, try to channel your feelings into good thoughts about him. Think about things about him that made you smile or goofy things that he did. It doesn't work well at first, but after awhile it lets you experience the memory of him without all the heavy feelings that currently come along with it.
         
        12-29-2010, 09:53 PM
      #5
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MyBoyPuck    
    If you feel it coming on, try to channel your feelings into good thoughts about him. Think about things about him that made you smile or goofy things that he did. It doesn't work well at first, but after awhile it lets you experience the memory of him without all the heavy feelings that currently come along with it.
    thanks and good idea, I will try that. He was a big puppy-dog, goofball. :) maybe that will stop all the holes in the wall and my past broken fingers from my fits.

    I always end up remembering that God loved us both and he's taking good care of him up there and wont let this get out of control. Haha, Vegas must be looking down at me and saying, "man, chill out. You'll see me again someday." I will keep praying this will help, *fingers crossed!* <3
         
        12-29-2010, 11:29 PM
      #6
    Super Moderator
    Crying is the body's way of healing itself when emotional balance is disturbed. If you are crying a lot, you need to cry a lot to get better. As soon as you allow yourself to cry as much as is needed, then I think maybe the need will be allowed to burn itself out. One cannot hold back the tide.

    As long as you have anger mixed in with grief, you will need to revisit this over and over again. It's called "resentment" which literaly means to feel again.
         

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