I just really thought I would be able to get back to riding after several years without it. I got to take a few lessons at my boyfriend's house this past spring and winter breaks. It was so great to be on a horse again, even if 45 minutes per week was agonisingly little, it was so much better than nothing.
My boyfriend and I were going to live with his parents in Illinois for the time being (I just graduated uni), but they decided to move. It wasn't great there, I didn't like living with his parents, but at least we would be able to take riding lessons. But that didn't end up happening. So we've had to move in with my mother in N.J. Meaning he now has a job that pays way less than his old one. I'm working on getting my driver's licence (way late, I know) and I only have a crappy part-time online job right now. So there is no way we could afford lessons right now. Even when I do get a proper job, and who knows how soon that will be, given that I can't yet drive, I'm way into debt with my student loans, and my mother wants us to move out when we can. So...with rent, other bills, and paying back my student loans, and my boyfriend going to college, I don't see myself getting to ride for years.
I shouldn't bitch, I know "that's life". It's not that I'm not willing to work hard to have a horse someday, I just don't see how it will ever be possible with a bazillion dollars in student loans to pay off on top of everything else. I just wish I was rich, or had rich parents. If that's shallow, oh well. At least I would be getting to do what I like instead of just dreaming about it and looking at other people riding on television and the internet. I get frustrated that other people have horses of their own and can ride all the time when the most I can even hope for is an hour a week. The responsibility part of owning a horse wouldn't be a problem for me, I'm very dedicated and serious when it comes to caring for animals.
I know I'm being pessimistic because I'm in a sour mood. I know that it will be possible when I get a real job, more possible than I'm acknowledging at the moment. I just don't know WHEN it will be possible, and that's depressing to me. I'm going to do what needs to be done, but it's hard to be motivated when it's like "If I get a job, I get to pour my paycheck into my student loans" rather than "If I get a job, I can pay for riding lessons."