Well. I'm just feeling pretty good about myself today.
I'll try and keep this short. I'm feeling super pleased with myself for a number of small reasons and then one big reason.
Small reasons -
1) No one at the barn ever thinks to bring themselves food. So lately I've been buying gatorades and some snacks and feeding everyone, and even gave the my tack locker combo and left a bag of food in there. Today I get to the barn and everyone was waiting for me with a little cheesecake and saying "Thank You." :) I love my barn family.
2) I am on the debate team. As of late, my coach has been asking me to go to other schools and help other teams who are just starting. When I went to one of them, a girl came up to me, looked me straight in the eye, and said "I thought this was an all boys activity. It's amazing to see a girl out there being as good as you are and keeping up with them." I almost cried. Some of you have kept up with my discrimination drama, so you'll know how big of a deal that is for me.
and finally 3) Being a senior now, I am in charge of a small group of kids in our Leadership class. They are all freshman. Well, last thursday, I noticed them sitting together working and a Junior kid went over and started talking to them...Or let me say, verbally bullying them. These kids are possible the shy-est, sweetest, most timid kids in the school. And what do they do? Come and hide behind me as soon as they saw me. Things were said between me and that Junior kid that should not of been said, but christ, I don't know what else I was supposed to do. I was really, really pissed when I walked in on that and I normally do NOT get involved with confrontation. I am normally extremely reclusive and self-sustaining only. I don't know what snapped.
And the big reason.
You guys know of my relationship with my mother and me riding her horse in training for free. I've kinda started calling him "mine", even though he's not. You guys might know of the tension that's evolved from me now owning Selena...Well, it's finally dicipated. She came up to me today and said thank you for riding Ruger. I mean, that's all I wanted. I didn't mind riding him...I just didn't want her to expect me to, like it was my obligation, or my job, because it's not. She finally came out the other day and watched me work him for the first time in two months and afterwards she hugged me an told me thank you for everything. I almost started crying because I am so proud of how far me and Ruger have come. I'm not ready to hand her the reins yet because he isn't ready, but I am just so....Emotional. I mean, I'm emotionally unstable anyway, but it seems recently I just feel like I actually have a place. Like I'm wanted. I didn't really feel like that before. I felt used and disposable.
I'm just on a boat of self confidence and happiness. I love doing things for people, it makes me feel good and all that, but everything that's happened has just made me feel so happy. Especially that thing with my Mom.
Okay I'm done...Just having an emotional moment.
I apologize for typos...I didn't proofread.