Can I be tactful and answer honestly?
 
 

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Can I be tactful and answer honestly?

This is a discussion on Can I be tactful and answer honestly? within the Horse Talk forums, part of the Keeping and Caring for Horses category

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        09-27-2012, 06:59 PM
      #1
    Trained
    Can I be tactful and answer honestly?

    Here is the issue. My horses previous owner (owner before last, actually) is a bit of a...ummmm......mamby pamby about discipline. Nice lady, loves her horses to death, but-well, you know the type. For example, she came to visit me and see her former horse this summer. When I bought my guy I know he had had at least 5 previous homes, and he is only 7. My guy will take a mile EVERY TIME you give him an inch. He can be pushy, nibbly and has been known to try to kick prior to me getting him. In short-disrepectful. I am convinced SHE is the reason.

    This lady comes to visit at a show. She watches us go, makes a couple comments about it being "too hard" for him...... Then, when he tries to push his butt at me later she tells me he is looking at a bird and meant nothing by it when I discipline him. Now, keep in mind that when she owned him he was 2 or 3, threw her, breaking her collar bone and, in another incident double barreled her. Again-YIKES! She is still making excuses! I tried to explain it to her, but she doesn't get it at all.

    Fast forward to today, 3 months later. She messages me on FB and wants to know what her vet means her current horse is "spoiled". She and her friends cannot figure out why the vet would say this as they make their horses work. How do I explain to this woman that SHE is the issue and most likely her current horse is lacking a few manners! I have never met the horse so I am guessing here, but usually I can put the pieces together pretty well.

    Sweet lady, but not much of a horsewoman. Needs a pasture potato.
    maura likes this.
         
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        09-27-2012, 07:06 PM
      #2
    Weanling
    I personally would be truthful, it just seems like the "right" thing to do.
    However, some people don't take "critisism" well, so you'll have to phrase it gently but bluntly (if that's even possible :lol )
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        09-27-2012, 08:03 PM
      #3
    Started
    She did ask your opinion so all you can do is be honest.
    FlyGap likes this.
         
        09-27-2012, 08:27 PM
      #4
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by gigem88    
    She did ask your opinion so all you can do is be honest.
    What they said. She's asking, you aren't responsible for her reaction to the answer.

    You don't have to call her names (not the ones you've been thinking!), but be clear. If you learned anything from a book, clinician or video, she might take a suggestion on getting one of those. Sometimes hearing the same thing from a 'professional' is accepted better. Who knows? It may help her horse.
         
        09-27-2012, 08:34 PM
      #5
    Banned
    Just curious....what is her training idealism? Or who is her training hero?

    Don't mince words with her, she may learn something and you may save her from another nasty accident
         
        09-27-2012, 08:39 PM
      #6
    Trained
    I honestly would say "Oh I have no idea, why don't you ask the vet?" and leave it at that. It's not your place as her old horse's new owner to be giving advice to her.

    Stupid is as stupid does and you telling her that she is a pushover with her horses isn't going to do anything but get her mad at you. Yes, her actions are not your fault, but when you're 90% of what she's going to do then it's also your fault for egging her on. Don't burn too many bridges, as "good" as it may feel at the time.
    sandy2u1, Allison Finch and DimSum like this.
         
        09-27-2012, 08:43 PM
      #7
    Showing
    I agree with Anebel. If you have no stake in it, it's not worth stepping in that mess. If she were a client or student, I'd not hesitate to say what I thought and wouldn't hold back at all but in a friend situation, it's just not worth the possible fall out.
    Allison Finch and rookie like this.
         
        09-27-2012, 08:44 PM
      #8
    Banned
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ~*~anebel~*~    
    I honestly would say "Oh I have no idea, why don't you ask the vet?" and leave it at that. It's not your place as her old horse's new owner to be giving advice to her.

    Stupid is as stupid does and you telling her that she is a pushover with her horses isn't going to do anything but get her mad at you. Yes, her actions are not your fault, but when you're 90% of what she's going to do then it's also your fault for egging her on. Don't burn too many bridges, as "good" as it may feel at the time.
    Actually, Anebel has a point! She might be a push over with her horses but she might not be so nice with the human kind!
         
        09-27-2012, 08:50 PM
      #9
    Super Moderator
    I also agree with Anebel. The old owner has already shown she isn't open to corrections. I would just avoid getting sucked into her drama world. Sometimes, no good deed goes unpunished.
         
        09-27-2012, 08:51 PM
      #10
    Started
    I agree I think if you two are really close (and it does not sound like you are) then tell her the truth. If you are not close (and you don't sound close) then I would tell her to ask the vet. Is the horse a pill probably, but without you seeing the horse and how she handles it or how the vet handles it then its not really fair to make a judgement. The fact that you don't know the situation is going to backfire. She is looking for reassurance from you not to be torn down.
         

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