I have not posted much in this forum before but now for the past couple of days have been going insane thinking about what to do I thought maybe I would post here and see if somebody can help.Sorry it is is long story but thought maybe background info would help more in people giving me advise.
I am a 40 yr old adult rider.Always dreamed of having one,Parents didn't bother getting me lessons also moved to a third world country in africa where horse riding was more of "man thing" and no way a girl could have gotten on a horse.Anyways after getting a secure job starting riding 3 yrs ago with a 10mth break inbetween.
Started off huntseat,(at that time didn't even know anything about disciplines) discovered a saddleseat barn very close to the barn and started riding there.Was not doing bad (had even started cantering )but after a conflict with trainer had to stop riding there.
Took a 10mth break ,lost interest for a bit.After the break decided to go back and start riding again.Tried huntseat,but just didn't like it and since there was no other saddleseat barn nearby decided to get my own horse and board at a local quarter horse barn.
Didn't go very well,horse was a rescue not trained properly and I developed fear issues because of his persistent spooking and rode him at a walk only for a year .(Yes even with a trainer).Eventually ended when he threw me and got a head injury.Horse adopted to someone else. Didn't learn much during that year.
Got a new horse,(saddlebred) again stupid idea didn't get vet check,horse was a roarer and started losing tons of weight.Found out the quarter horse barn was not feeding him properly.Went back to the original saddleseat barn and discovered the trainer that I had fought with had left,so happily moved him there where he started gaining weight back again and was also put in training.Roaring issue became better with exercise although even now can be ridden for only 35 mins at a time.
Started taking lessons with assistant trainer there.Rode all 4 lessons horses fair.However main trainer said my own horse (the roaring saddlebred ) was a bit too quick for me and they could find me another one that would be a better fit for me.Barn owner promised she would use my own for lessons and give me discounted board and I agreed.Anyways got a 17 year old saddlebred which had been used for kids.The first few rides on him were not great but I still agreed on getting him.
A few months later and I discovered that the 2nd horse was not working out either.He had a very high neck and head and also started his trot with a "jolt" which resulted in me panicking and pulling on the reins and stopping him too soon.He was also lazy and after a couple of times of me stopping him would not move at all.
Tried out 3 saddlebreds inbetween all did not work out luckily they were on trial and I sent them back.
Tried riding the my 1st saddlebred and I can ride him a little but also panic too soon as soon as he picks up a little bit of speed.The 2nd one I don't ride him at all as I am scared of him
Right now have been riding the lesson horses for months.working on stirrupless and bareback.I am going fine on them but as soon as I get on something else my mind panics so bad I want to give up within 10 mins.
I am intensely fraustrated after pouring in years of lessons ,tons of $$ ,time and everything I still can't ride a horse properly.Also tried going back to huntseat but I get painful knees can't do 2 point and have no interest in jumping.Another problem the only other horse I would consider beside a saddlebred is a morgan as I find other horses a bit boring.I hope nobody gets offended by this just my opinion.
Can somebody advise me what to do ?
Change disciplines? Maybe western on a saddlebred ? Or even just huntseat on a morgan/saddlebred ?means selling my 2nd one and getting yet another new horse.the barn does not have a western practice horse.The 1st one I will not sell because of his roaring issue.
Give up riding altogether ? Just go on leisure trail rides on a quiet horse if I can find one?? Means boarding at another place as my barn has no trails.
Hubby is continually asking me when I will show?? Poor guy has no idea I can't do anything beside maybe walk /trot a deadbroke horse !
Another option maybe get a morgan and try saddleseat on him? I have a feeling I do better on them because of their shorter necks.I get panicky when the long giraffe neck of a saddlebred comes in front of my face !
I am sometimes so embarrassed when 8 year old kids whiz by me riding the same horse which I could never ride.I just want to sink in the ground......
Once again I apologize for such a long rant !