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Cant understand my daughter

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  • Confidence builder barrel horse
  • My daughter wants another horse

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    03-19-2012, 10:51 PM
  #21
Green Broke
Wow, while I must say it's a little crazy to just buy her whatever she wants I also think it's crazy to just jump in and say she's a spoiled brat who gets everything she wants..15 is a tough age, and if she's trying to stick with her friends or make new friends by switching disciplines so what? If she has to WANT to do it and work for it, I see it as character building. It would suck to be the only crazed hormonal teenage girl who is already having some confidence issues, and she's just trying to fit in and keep up with her friends...Do you blame her?

That said, I think she just needs a dose of self confidence...Dad needs to stop picking on her and encourage her.. You both need to basically say "For us to get serious with you about running barrels you're going to get serious also, you can't expect us to pay for the horse and all of the things you're going to need and you just sit by. You have to get over this hump and try harder.." Honestly, it will probably benefit her to fall one time..Once that fear is gone and she gets back on she'll be a MUCH better rider..The ground isn't as hard as she's made it seem to herself.. Don't baby her, make her do it.. and if she wants to stop WP I would tell her, in order to have a barrel horse, "you need to sale your WP horse. The money you have from your WP horse will go towards your barrel horse, but for us to take the barrels seriously, you have to show us you're serious."

Don't tell her how dangerous it can be over and over again..She knows, but as soon as she gets scared and tries to close up. MAKE her push through it..She'll probably cry a good bit..but it is SOOO much better and easier on you all to buy a finished horse who already knows his job. She'll just get frustrated with the whole deal riding a horse who doesn't know what it's doing and she's a beginner also. That said, a finished barrel horse doesn't have to be old or near retirement..There are other horses out there who are suitable for a beginner who are great confidence builders...

The biggest piece of advice I can give you both is to make her push through that fear, even if you have to get harsh with her. That will make her push harder..MAKE HER WORK FOR IT. Let her groom, clean stalls, work around the barn..The whole deal..She isn't a princess and has to do her share.

While some young riders may be successful with training their own horse, a 15 year old with confidence issues is NOT capable of training her own horse, much less for barrels.

This coming from a serious barrel racer who went through that same stage and lack of confidence.. You can PM me if you like, I'd love to talk to her.
     
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    03-19-2012, 10:52 PM
  #22
Started
You either have the horse gene or you don't, your daughter sounds like she has no interest
robohog likes this.
     
    03-19-2012, 10:53 PM
  #23
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by Missy May    
I agree w sandy2, I would not give her another horse if she neglected to care for and ride the first. Its either a passion, or it is not.
She isn't getting a new horse, she may look all she wants, but neither me nor my husband plan on taking her to view any of them. The only reason were selling her mare is, its not the horses fault, she's a good horse and a superb show horse. I don't ride western pleasure, and I won't let this good girl waste because my daughter may have got bored with her. Im sure another child or adult would love to enjoy what my daughter no longer does.
     
    03-19-2012, 10:57 PM
  #24
Green Broke
Quote:
Originally Posted by starrylake    
My daughter does know how to ride, she just cuts herself short, and whenever I try and help her by pushing her a bit she gets really emotional.
OH! Hahaha, that isn't "getting emotional", that is the "what many kids do when their parents try to teach them" phenomena. I don't care if you wrote the book on it, it is often far harder for a parent to teach their children than it is for a total stranger, for some odd reason. Go figure.
     
    03-19-2012, 10:59 PM
  #25
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrumRunner    
Wow, while I must say it's a little crazy to just buy her whatever she wants I also think it's crazy to just jump in and say she's a spoiled brat who gets everything she wants..15 is a tough age, and if she's trying to stick with her friends or make new friends by switching disciplines so what? If she has to WANT to do it and work for it, I see it as character building. It would suck to be the only crazed hormonal teenage girl who is already having some confidence issues, and she's just trying to fit in and keep up with her friends...Do you blame her?

That said, I think she just needs a dose of self confidence...Dad needs to stop picking on her and encourage her.. You both need to basically say "For us to get serious with you about running barrels you're going to get serious also, you can't expect us to pay for the horse and all of the things you're going to need and you just sit by. You have to get over this hump and try harder.." Honestly, it will probably benefit her to fall one time..Once that fear is gone and she gets back on she'll be a MUCH better rider..The ground isn't as hard as she's made it seem to herself.. Don't baby her, make her do it.. and if she wants to stop WP I would tell her, in order to have a barrel horse, "you need to sale your WP horse. The money you have from your WP horse will go towards your barrel horse, but for us to take the barrels seriously, you have to show us you're serious."

Don't tell her how dangerous it can be over and over again..She knows, but as soon as she gets scared and tries to close up. MAKE her push through it..She'll probably cry a good bit..but it is SOOO much better and easier on you all to buy a finished horse who already knows his job. She'll just get frustrated with the whole deal riding a horse who doesn't know what it's doing and she's a beginner also. That said, a finished barrel horse doesn't have to be old or near retirement..There are other horses out there who are suitable for a beginner who are great confidence builders...

The biggest piece of advice I can give you both is to make her push through that fear, even if you have to get harsh with her. That will make her push harder..MAKE HER WORK FOR IT. Let her groom, clean stalls, work around the barn..The whole deal..She isn't a princess and has to do her share.

While some young riders may be successful with training their own horse, a 15 year old with confidence issues is NOT capable of training her own horse, much less for barrels.

Thank you for your input.

I see from your picture it looks like you ride barrels yourself, I will admit, im afraid to push her. Incase she does fall off, or just gives up on horses all together because moms going to just bully her. My husband isn't grasping the fact that she has low self esteem, oh and believe me, she cries plenty, and I hardly push her. I think the toughest i've ever been on her is telling her she can't hang out with her friend for a week if she didn't try galloping under saddle. The thing is, she has galloped before, and hasn't fallen off. So im just not understanding why she's afraid, how can you fear what hasn't even happened??
     
    03-19-2012, 11:05 PM
  #26
Green Broke
Quote:
Originally Posted by starrylake    
She isn't getting a new horse, she may look all she wants, but neither me nor my husband plan on taking her to view any of them. The only reason were selling her mare is, its not the horses fault, she's a good horse and a superb show horse. I don't ride western pleasure, and I won't let this good girl waste because my daughter may have got bored with her. Im sure another child or adult would love to enjoy what my daughter no longer does.
Oh, sorry, misunderstood.

Well, ya might want to just consider one possibility - that it is your passion, not hers. My daughter wanted to "do" english, something I had no knowledge of...so, off we went w hunter/jumper stuff. It was a slower start than I expected for her, but then, bam! She excelled quickly and beautifully, then she was on top of her game, showed and did well, and then bam! She lost interest. She lost interest somewhere in that time line long before she finally told me she had - she thought it was important to me that she loved and interacted w horses - and that I would be horribly dissappointed if she did not share my enthusiasm. That was not the case, of course! I honestly believed she loved it and never even thought she might be doing it "for me"! Nor did I ever intentionally push her in that direction. Needless to say, I was sorry she ever felt that way! Clearly, you are very involved w horses, you might step back and examine whether she feels any such "pressure" - just to eliminate the possibility.
     
    03-19-2012, 11:05 PM
  #27
Green Broke
Quote:
Originally Posted by starrylake    
She isn't getting a new horse, she may look all she wants, but neither me nor my husband plan on taking her to view any of them. The only reason were selling her mare is, its not the horses fault, she's a good horse and a superb show horse. I don't ride western pleasure, and I won't let this good girl waste because my daughter may have got bored with her. Im sure another child or adult would love to enjoy what my daughter no longer does.
If you don't want to buy another horse I would at least get your daughter and the horse you already have to a barrel trainer for a few lessons..Barrel racing is a whooole different ball field than WP.

Quote:
Originally Posted by starrylake    

I see from your picture it looks like you ride barrels yourself, I will admit, im afraid to push her. Incase she does fall off, or just gives up on horses all together because moms going to just bully her. My husband isn't grasping the fact that she has low self esteem, oh and believe me, she cries plenty, and I hardly push her. I think the toughest i've ever been on her is telling her she can't hang out with her friend for a week if she didn't try galloping under saddle. The thing is, she has galloped before, and hasn't fallen off. So im just not understanding why she's afraid, how can you fear what hasn't even happened??
Throughout the years and the lessons I've given the biggest problem with someone fearing something that they haven't ever experienced is just that..They've never experienced it so they build up an idea in their head of what it's going to be like when they fall..Once they do and realize they aren't going to die or whatever image they've come up with, they will usually come in leaps and bounds to building confidence.

She may have a flare for the dramatic but to me it just sounds like she needs to toughen up a little and not worry so much..She's creating her own problem and holding herself back.


I started this thread and it has a lot of good information for beginners.
Barrel Racing Exercises and Drills.
     
    03-19-2012, 11:10 PM
  #28
Foal
Thank you for the link DrumRunner, I will certainly read it over! I feel the same way, I was surprised to say the least when she jumped from wp to barrel racing.

Missy May, I honestly didn't look at it from that point of view. Your right, horses have big one of the biggest parts of my life since I was young. I grew up riding, and I wanted my kids to share in that passion. Maybe she isn't riding to her full potential, because maybe she just doesn't want to ride at all. Certainly something worth discussing with my daughter.
Northern likes this.
     
    03-19-2012, 11:12 PM
  #29
Green Broke
You're welcome.. Just have a nice long talk with her. Ask her what her goals are and what she wants to accomplish running barrels. Then jump in the "Well hun, you've got to show me some commitment and toughen up."
     
    03-19-2012, 11:18 PM
  #30
Yearling
I was the same with my moms horse I bought her, he's a little 3 year old very well broke. And about 14.2hhish, paint mustang. He's a bit spooky and takes a bit to get him listening and I desided to take him to a show this weekend without even bothering even cantering him much before hand. Even though 6 years ago when I was 11 I was galloping my 16hh QH that took all my strength to get to stop, go, turn in feilds. And on my friends barrel horses that were well trained but I just couldnt get myself to get him going faster then a trot. But now that I did get him cantering and almost galloping I wanna do it more but it rained today so I didnt.

Sorry if I ranted, it just took me a while even thought my other horses I've galloped and gotten on an ex tb not knowing when he was last rode bareback, he was 35+ years and fine but you never know, I've gotten on horses that never been rode before and yet never wanted to canter my moms horse even though he's the smallest horse we've owned and I have a 16.3+hh paint in training that will be my barrel horse.

Could she ride her friends horse that would be easy to ride? I know that's how I started on my friend little paso that was very easy to ride in games. I started my own horse I started slow on barrels and started to get faster and faster at it.

Sorry if this doesnt help.
     

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