Critique My Add Please
 
 

       The Horse Forum > Keeping and Caring for Horses > Horse Talk

Critique My Add Please

This is a discussion on Critique My Add Please within the Horse Talk forums, part of the Keeping and Caring for Horses category
  • Dar buck n quarter

Like Tree2Likes

 
LinkBack Thread Tools
    03-06-2012, 11:37 AM
  #1
Green Broke
Critique My Add Please

I've owned this horse for a few years and I find her very hard to sell, but I need something better suited to what I'm doing. Please let me know what you think.

Willow(DAR BUCK N QUARTER) is a gorgeous 7 year old arab/paint mare, registered. She is a beautiful Buckskin with a star and a small spot on her side. Nice short back, beautiful head and neck, lovely mover. She has that look at me attitude, the first horse every one notices in the pasture. 15.1hh.


Willow has always been sound and healthy, never a lame step. Good feet, teeth done last year, up to date deworming and farrier work.


Her dam is Sandy's Time to Flirt(APHA) and her sire is the registered arabian BA Heartbeat , who has phenominal breeding and some of the greats up close on his papers, such as PADRON and BASK.


Willow Is very easy to catch, leads, ties, lunges and bathes. Loads and travels well. Stands to be tacked up and mounted. She has been ridden english, western, australian and bareback, with a halter or simple snaffle, w/t/c/gallop. Spent many miles on the trail, been to the mountains twice, crossed fast moving water, up and down steep hills, mud, snow, ditch crossings. Good with other animals and traffic, been around goats, minis, dogs and cats, cattle, met elk on the trail no problem. Hopped over a few jumps without hessitation.
She is quick and athletic and would likely do very well cattle penning or something similar. Starting to neck rein and move off my leg, Great to open gates off of, stands tied to the trailer and has been high lined. Also LOVES foals, will take care of weanlings in the herd. No buck/bolt/rear.

I have been riding with alot of Begginner-Intermediate riders lately and I really need a steady trail horse with a relitively "bombproof" personality. Willow is very quick and alert. Would excell in a disapline where she has a solid job, gets bored just walk/trot all day. I really love this horse, will go to a great home only.

$2500 or will concider trade for a well broke trail horse of equal value. 4-10 years old, 14.2-17hh, sound and reliable, not spooky, very sane(suitable for leading trail rides with inexperienced riders) no buck/bolt/rear, forward way of going is a plus.
     
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
    03-15-2012, 03:56 PM
  #2
Started
In my opinion, if you are having trouble selling her, it may be because of your last paragraph. It sounds like you want to trade for a horse just like the mare you are selling. So a reader might start thinking, this person wants what they just about described their mare to be, so does that mean that she isn't as solid as she was described to be? Just my two cents
Wallaby likes this.
     
    03-16-2012, 02:57 AM
  #3
Weanling
I agree. Otherwise good though. She sounds like a great horse. I wish I could buy her myself!
     
    03-17-2012, 04:07 PM
  #4
Yearling
I would take out "rides Australian" along with most of the first paragraphs, we don't need a very in depth physical description if you have pictures, which you should.
     
    03-17-2012, 04:15 PM
  #5
Yearling
I agree, your last paragraph sounds like you are willing to trade for a horse you just described.
     
    03-17-2012, 04:17 PM
  #6
Weanling
She sounds great to me, I would take her in a heartbeat. What are her vices? I don't think you should say that you want to trade for another trail horse, because it screams that the reason you want to get rid of her is because she is a bad trail horse.

I would be more straight forward on where she needs improvement in the ad. I think a lot of people appreciate that honesty.
     
    03-17-2012, 08:48 PM
  #7
Green Broke
Here vices are being too reactive and getting bored with just trails, if those can be called vices. I revamped the add and she is SOLD! Thanks for the coments
SunnyDraco likes this.
     
    03-17-2012, 10:44 PM
  #8
Yearling
Spelled "consider" wrong in the last paragraph
     
    03-18-2012, 09:24 PM
  #9
Yearling
I recently ended my horse search by finding my perfect baby. But I have decided to go back and pretend I am still looking and really looked hard at your ad. This is the biggest problem I see -

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueSpark    
I have been riding with alot of Begginner-Intermediate riders lately and I really need a steady trail horse with a relitively "bombproof" personality. Willow is very quick and alert. Would excell in a disapline where she has a solid job, gets bored just walk/trot all day. I really love this horse, will go to a great home only.
I would reword this and make it -

Willow is very smart, and aware of her surroundings. She gets bored just walking and troting along the trails, and I am looking for more of a trail horse. Willow seems like she would be perfect for a real job or more exciting disipline(sp?).

Or something along those lines. Like many have said, it sounds like you want to sell your horse to buy your horse. People are going to question your honesty. JMHO :)
     
    03-18-2012, 09:58 PM
  #10
Yearling
Quote:
Originally Posted by xJumperx    
I recently ended my horse search by finding my perfect baby. But I have decided to go back and pretend I am still looking and really looked hard at your ad. This is the biggest problem I see -



I would reword this and make it -

Willow is very smart, and aware of her surroundings. She gets bored just walking and troting along the trails, and I am looking for more of a trail horse. Willow seems like she would be perfect for a real job or more exciting disipline(sp?).

Or something along those lines. Like many have said, it sounds like you want to sell your horse to buy your horse. People are going to question your honesty. JMHO :)
nicely put
     

Quick Reply
Please help keep the Horse Forum enjoyable by reporting rude posts.
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the The Horse Forum forums, you must first register.

Already have a Horse Forum account?
Members are allowed only one account per person at the Horse Forum, so if you've made an account here in the past you'll need to continue using that account. Please do not create a new account or you may lose access to the Horse Forum. If you need help recovering your existing account, please Contact Us. We'll be glad to help!

New to the Horse Forum?
Please choose a username you will be satisfied with using for the duration of your membership at the Horse Forum. We do not change members' usernames upon request because that would make it difficult for everyone to keep track of who is who on the forum. For that reason, please do not incorporate your horse's name into your username so that you are not stuck with a username related to a horse you may no longer have some day, or use any other username you may no longer identify with or care for in the future.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.


Old Thread Warning
This thread is more than 90 days old. When a thread is this old, it is often better to start a new thread rather than post to it. However, If you feel you have something of value to add to this particular thread, you can do so by checking the box below before submitting your post.

Thread Tools

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Canter critique- first time critique, please be nice lol Rachel1786 Horse Riding Critique 11 12-05-2012 12:00 AM
Western Riding critique and confo critique on Romeo Pidge Horse Riding Critique 19 10-09-2012 03:21 AM



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:54 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0