dating a farrier, how do I deal with his schedule?? - Page 3 - The Horse Forum

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post #21 of 32 Old 02-16-2012, 09:51 PM
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^^^ your one lucky woman
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post #22 of 32 Old 02-16-2012, 10:20 PM
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I agree with the earlier comment that it's not much different from other relationships where one or both people are Drs, vets, firefighters etc.

I honestly think that if you can't handle his schedule, then you should end it before feelings get stronger (as you are not living together yet).

My husband and I are newly married and foster parents to teenagers. The kids go to bed when Brad does because of his work schedule. The only time we get alone is 3 weeks vacation time, and 3.5 hours a week when the kids are at the office. In that office time, we literally run out of the door and have dinner together.
Sometimes it hard, but we make the most of the time we have together, and we fight hard to protect that time. But we made the choice to do this, same as you are making the choice to be with him.
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post #23 of 32 Old 02-16-2012, 10:34 PM
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Just today I was talking with a friend and she said her horse really needed a trim. I told her when out farrier was coming and said to come over that day, it'll only take him 5 minutes anyway... I wasn't thinking, drrr. She said no way would she insult her farrier like that. She would never have anyone else work on her horses unless there was an emergency and her farrier couldn't make it. I feel the same way about my farrier. The point of that was that if your friends have a farrier and like him and respect him, they wouldn't think of switching just because he's your boyfriend.

I would, however, introduce him to your friends because he's your boyfriend and they're your friends. That's a good enough reason to me. Maybe they'll eventually decide to switch to him... Who knows.
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post #24 of 32 Old 02-16-2012, 10:46 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by natisha View Post
I have a farrier BF~every 6 weeks
Haha nice!! Lol im at 7 weeks and I do pay him. Not fair to expect it for free. I got one free trim tho
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post #25 of 32 Old 02-16-2012, 10:50 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by AlexS View Post
I agree with the earlier comment that it's not much different from other relationships where one or both people are Drs, vets, firefighters etc.

I honestly think that if you can't handle his schedule, then you should end it before feelings get stronger (as you are not living together yet).

My husband and I are newly married and foster parents to teenagers. The kids go to bed when Brad does because of his work schedule. The only time we get alone is 3 weeks vacation time, and 3.5 hours a week when the kids are at the office. In that office time, we literally run out of the door and have dinner together.
Sometimes it hard, but we make the most of the time we have together, and we fight hard to protect that time. But we made the choice to do this, same as you are making the choice to be with him.
I agree, but im not willing to end something so great because of my own hang up without giving it a proper try first. I can't imagine how hard it is for to to have such little quality time with your husband.
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post #26 of 32 Old 02-16-2012, 10:54 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by SarahAnn View Post
Just today I was talking with a friend and she said her horse really needed a trim. I told her when out farrier was coming and said to come over that day, it'll only take him 5 minutes anyway... I wasn't thinking, drrr. She said no way would she insult her farrier like that. She would never have anyone else work on her horses unless there was an emergency and her farrier couldn't make it. I feel the same way about my farrier. The point of that was that if your friends have a farrier and like him and respect him, they wouldn't think of switching just because he's your boyfriend.

I would, however, introduce him to your friends because he's your boyfriend and they're your friends. That's a good enough reason to me. Maybe they'll eventually decide to switch to him... Who knows.
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I should be clear that I in no way expect my friends to switch to him. I've only told a couple friends with horses about him because they were complaining about their own farrier. I will pass the word on that he's great when I can, but no one is expected or asked to switch. He was my farrier before we started dating and I told people about him then. I just simply was curious if people thought it would be awkward in case he and my friends didnt get along but they became his clients. Its between he and anyone if they work together, not me.
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post #27 of 32 Old 02-16-2012, 11:19 PM
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When my husband and I first met I was working for a horse trainer 5.5-7 days a week and he was working at a feedlot for 6-7 days a week on a rotating schedule. We spent what little time we had together although not much. But I never expected him to sacrifice his job me and he never expected me to do the same. We had a mutual respect for each others jobs and knew that time with each other was going to be little until either we decided to do something different with or without each other.

Granted we did things very unconventional and most peoples stories don't end like our ours, especially given how it started, but give it time to develop before you guys make a rash decision about the relationship.

I can say our family dynamics have changed several times in our relationship, from both of us working our butts off only to have a can of beans heated on the stove for dinner, him being the bread winner, or just me, to us being equals working together and him supporting me just because he wants to and we can afford it. If he is truely a good guy you will be rewarded for your patience and understanding, if he is not he will simply be taking your patience for granted. In the end only you can be the judge of that.
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post #28 of 32 Old 02-17-2012, 12:40 AM
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What you are telling me is your BF has good work ethics, which is extemely important for those that are self employed in the service sector. If you are not responsive to your customers needs, they'll go find someone who is. That's a good way to not make ends meet.

As others have mentioned, there are a ton of jobs out there that are not pure 9 to 5ers and are not all that predictable. Just as an example, on valentines I went to work at 7am and finished up at 11:30pm just to be back at 7am the next morning. I consider 40hrs a starting point for the week and go from there. Luckily the other half doesn't complain because she grew up with her father doing the same.
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post #29 of 32 Old 02-17-2012, 02:56 AM
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I fully believe that if you are important to someone they will make time for you no matter what. While his job may be demanding it is reasonable to expect him to make time for you, or for him not to be in a relationship.

Like someone suggested, go with him. Make plans for dinner at home, if he gets called out you can just bring dinner with you and go with him.
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post #30 of 32 Old 02-17-2012, 03:43 AM
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In the words of Nike......Just do it.

I am a military wife and have been for nearly 8 year. My husband has been home almost exactly half our marriage between deployments, work ups, training and various duty trips he is required to take.

He was not military when we dated, he left for boot 6 days after our wedding day. I knew his career goals when I decided to marry him.

You have to have a sit down with yourself to make a conscious decision of weather your are willing to accept what your other half is committed to doing with that part of their life. Then not over think it and certainly not wine or rag on them.

There is nothing worse then listening to another young wife (and it's most young wives and girlfriends not the more seasoned ones) complain that they were called up for an early PT, or they get unexpected duty or they have to go into the shop on the weekend or the Sgt Major is requiring an audit and he had to unexpectedly work late....

Quality time is not quantity time, when you get time with him make it special and rewarding and he will endeavor to get you both more time together.
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