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Dealing with loss for the first time.

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        11-13-2011, 08:41 AM
      #11
    Showing
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MandiMal    
    It feels as if this heartbreak is never going to heal. I miss my boy more and more every day.
    First, my deepest and most heartfelt condolences by someone who knows exactly what you're going through.

    I promise it will get better. Not today, and probably not for many months to come, but it will. I swear this on my soul.

    The memories of his death will fade and be replaced with the happier times. Eventually you'll be able to look back on your life with him and smile. Your spoken recollections of him will stop being a torment, and will become a comfort and give you laughter.

    It's also okay to get another horse. It's not a betrayal, it's a continuance of your love for these animals. Your boy wouldn't want you to mourn him forever, and he'd want you to love and enjoy another companion.

    When the time is right you'll find another horse who needs you, and who calls to your heart.

    You've just lost your special horse; give yourself time to grieve. Don't let anyone tell you he was 'just a horse' and you should be over his death within a certain time period. Grief takes as long as it takes.

    You'll never not miss him, but you will be able to look back on your memories with love and laughter instead of tears.

    You've just joined a very large club, and we know how you feel. If you need to talk, we're here for you.
    Golden Horse and natisha like this.
         
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        11-13-2011, 11:19 PM
      #12
    Foal
    Wow, gunslinger, I have to thank you for posting that poem; my great aunt gave me a small book of poetry when I was a kid, and that was my very favorite. I haven't thought about it in many years, so thank you for reminding me how much I loved it.
         
        11-13-2011, 11:23 PM
      #13
    Foal
    Speed Racer, your words are so kind and reassuring, I can't express how much they actually touch me. I really appreciate you taking the time to offer your consolence and understanding, it means so much.
         
        11-13-2011, 11:40 PM
      #14
    Trained
    iloverains and MandiMal like this.
         
        11-13-2011, 11:46 PM
      #15
    Foal
    Thank you, Golden Horse, that's a nice little poem. I appreciate you sharing it with me.
         
        11-13-2011, 11:56 PM
      #16
    Banned
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Beauseant    
    I know words can't really make you feel any better, but please know that some of us know EXACTLY how you are feeling. My story is similar to yours, except that our old boy had neurological issues rather than colic. We never really got an answer as to what exactly was wrong with him.....but the time came that we could no longer avoid.....he had to whirl or lean against his stall wall to stay upright...his back legs were all but useless....and he developed breathing issues.....we delayed doing the inevitable longer than we should have....we were selfish, we didn't want to let him go. But we did...and it hurt. That was two years ago. And to be honest, it still hurts. .It hurts less, but only by degrees. We also were wracked with guilt, did we do all we could have?

    Having experienced it myself, I do have some tips:

    Keep things that were his as special momentos...we have his gold browband, his stall nameplate and a picture collage of him at our barn. We KNOW that he is gone, but we keep his things visible so that his spirit will know that gone does not mean forgotten. Because NOTHING is worse than being forgotten.

    And just this year, even though it was HORRIBLY painful and I sobbed through the whole process, I made a memorial video for him.



    Seeing your horse's things and making picture collages and videos hurts...alot.....but it is also a healing....an acceptance of the fact that he/she is truly gone...but that they are still a part of your heart and your memory. And that because you love them and always will....they will NEVER be gone from your heart and time will never fade their images from your memory.

    And do not fear that getting another horse is "replacing" the one that has passed..... it won't. We bought another gelding, an neglected and emaciated OTTB, a year after our Prince died. And we grew to love him as if he were a part of our family. He is our joy in life....our healing....

    There was nothing left we could do for Prince, but alot we could do for others of his species..... so we rescued a starving OTTB... an ugly duckling...



    And turned him into a beautiful swan:



    And in the process, the guilt of wondering if we could or should have done more for Prince faded away.....and in the end, we ended up with a horse that has become the love of our lives. He is our friend...and our spiritual healing.

    A medicine horse.

    You will know when it is time to look for your medicine horse....there is a horse out there that needs you as much as you need him/her.


    Hugs to you. And when your heart tells you that it is time...go find your medicine horse.

    Indeed the greatest thing about rescuing a horse is that in reality, he actually rescued you.


    Know that even though this is hard, you will get through it. And when you're ready, somewhere out there is a horse waiting to rescue you, love you, and help you heal :)
    Posted via Mobile Device
    MandiMal likes this.
         
        11-14-2011, 12:03 AM
      #17
    Trained
    Somebody sent it to me when I lost the little Golden boy in the pic, we didn't have him long, but I mourned his loss more than any I have lost.

    I didn't think I would ever get over his loss, and though I have many horses here, there wasn't one who stole my heart as completely as that boy, until Sept 11th this year when little Angel came into my life



    After 3 long years the last empty part in my heart was filled again, and I am whole. I will never forget little Alsvid, but at last it doesn't hurt to remember.
    iloverains and MandiMal like this.
         
        11-14-2011, 08:43 AM
      #18
    Showing
    Mandimal, here's another poem. Someone sent it to me after I lost my special horse. It always chokes me up, especially the last part, but it's a beautiful sentiment and I pass it along when it's needed.




    Crossing the Bridge


    I stood beside your bed last night, I came to have a peep.

    I could see that you were crying; you found it hard to sleep.



    I whinnied to you softly as you brushed away a tear,

    "It's me, I haven't left you. I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."


    I was with you at my grave today; you tend it with such care.

    I want to reassure you that I'm not lying there.



    I walked with you toward the house, as you fumbled for your key.

    I put my head against you, nickered and said, "It's me."


    You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.

    I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there.



    It's possible for me to be so near you every day.

    To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."


    You sat there very quietly, then smiled; I think you knew.

    In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.



    And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,

    I'll gallop across to greet you, and we'll stand there side by side.


    I have so many things to show you, there's so much for you to see.

    Be patient, live your journey out...then come home to be with me.
         
        11-14-2011, 10:18 AM
      #19
    Trained
    Dammit SR, I'm crying and I'm still on morning coffee, what a beautiful poem
         
        11-14-2011, 11:05 AM
      #20
    Showing
    It's very beautiful, but always makes me tear up too, GH.

    Especially the part, 'Be patient, live your journey out....then come home to be with me.'
         

    Tags
    buying a new horse, death, first loss, guilt

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