Dear Mr. Vacation - an owners plead
Dear Mr. Vacation,
I understand that this letter might come as a shock to you. I have a request, please stop destroying the fence. I know you feel that I may be unreasonable in this request. I politely disagree. I know I have not been working you as much as Harry. I know you are equally a fine and noble steed who is sometimes given to flights of irrepressible equine joy in the form of a buck. This is not why I have not ridden you nor are you off due to go behavior. I know my lack of attention has left you with a lot of time on your hooves. I appreciate that you do not chase the mares around nearly as much as you could. I know they are old and you being a gelding see them only as competition for food. I appreciate your patience in allowing them to exist in the same pasture as you provided they do not interfere with your food. None-the-less must you take your hostile feelings out on the fence? I imagine its great fun for you to knock out a rail or two and watch me in the rain, wind or blazing heat come out and curse as I replace them. I also know that for a period of time the best grass was on the opposite side of the fence; however, its nearly winter and the grass is looking pretty weak. I know the electric is iffy but must you flaunt this? I don't enjoy these repair sessions and I think you know that. If you do insist on removing the fence rails than can you please not stand right behind me watching my every move. If you are not going to learn to put the fence back then there really is no sense in you observing my repair technique.
I have spoken to upper management and they feel razor wire for an equine enclosure is excessively harsh. Upper management is clearly not repairing the fencing. I maintain that if you must act like a delinquent prisoner and continually attempt to mastermind escapes then you must be treated as such. I will be repairing the electric (as soon as I figure out why its not working) in the mean time Mr. Vacation please for the love of God stop taking the weather stripping off your stall. I will be speaking to a friend about equine adderall as your ADHD is clearly getting the better of you. I am sure in the meantime that we can, together, find an appropriate activity for you. Can't you get the pair over the fence involved in a rousing game of I touch your neck you squeal, you touch my neck I squeal? What about cricket? Table hockey? Really at this point, you can start knocking over liquor stores as long as you enter and exit via the front gate.
Much love, the junior management.