Disappointed around every corner.
 
 

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Disappointed around every corner.

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  • Quit riding horses

 
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    03-01-2012, 12:04 AM
  #1
Weanling
Unhappy Disappointed around every corner.

Things didn't work out at all with the thing on Boots. I'm not even going to go into it, it's so bad. And confusing. And stupid. It was by no means my fault in any way, shape, or form. It was all on the... "owner."

Anyway, my heart is broken. My old mare was put down December 1, 2010. I've had a horse-crush on this mare called Fancy for ages now, long before Princess ever died. I was attracted to her build, her nature, her everything. She'd be a good horse for any long trail ride adventure. There's no way I'd ever be able to afford her, and I wonder if I'll ever get to have a horse again.

Today, I road a gelding named Butterscotch for the second time. I think he's pushing Fancy out of her spot in my heart. I really do like this horse, and I truly haven't felt this downright comfortable with a horse in years (not counting Princess, of course). It's like I'm riding my own **** horse again, and it kills me to find a bright star with no hope of ever being able to call it my own.

I don't know what to do. I've started going back to the horse ranch. I'm "training" a few horses that need worked and taught a few manners, and in return, I get the satisfaction of being around horses and I get to ride Butterscotch any time - he's my leisure horse.

Gods, I wish I knew what to do. I'm literally fighting myself not to think of saving up a little cash, buy some saddle bags, and ride off into the wind with this horse once he's in shape. I know it'll never happen - I'm not that kind of person, but it's like the only way. I'm struggling in life. I have no money, and when I have money my boyfriend spends it for me (in a sense, I don't care to explain that, too). I'm so tired of everything - all I want in my life is a horse, and I'm just so close to giving up every single thing in my life to have one as a partner again.

(I had to get this out to some other horse people. No one else has my horse enthusiasm.)
     
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    03-01-2012, 12:19 AM
  #2
Weanling
Don't worry, ranting every once in a while helps get everything off your chest. We all do it.

Although there are those days when I curse at my equine partner, he is my life. I can do things with him that his other rider, my grown daughter, can't even start to do. I am having the opportunity to watch her start to get that same relationship with her new filly.

I once had a horse that I worked for someone else that I would have done ANYTHING to have owned. I started him under saddle at four and even though the owner rushed us, he never once offered anything worse than a swishing tail - considering that he was a breeding stallion, there were always mares and other stallions just over the fence, he was perfect.

The problem was that I was a poor college student who was training for gas money. Zuri was half owned by two idiots who were splitting his $20,000 price. When I left, the owner took over Zuri's training. The last time I saw Zuri he was being disqualified out of a show ring because the owner was whipping him to get him to act studdy... That was when I quit riding horses for other people. I couldn't stand the heart break.
     
    03-01-2012, 12:35 AM
  #3
Started
For one thing, I wouldn't be letting a man I'm not even married to spend my money.

If your dream is having another horse, then you can't sit back and just hope it happens. You have to work towards it. You need to start planning and saving towards it. It won't be easy, but it is doable.
     
    03-01-2012, 11:04 AM
  #4
Weanling
Yadlim: Training for others is hard. It'd be easy for me if I still had my own equine to go back to at the end of the day. As for poor training, the ranch owner I'm "working" for would beat anyone who treated a horse that way, then boot them from her property forever. And if anyone who owns a certain horse comes onto the property and chases a horse around aggressively, she tells everyone to not help. We've done it before where half of us sat there and watched as two idiot boys chased this skittish gelding around a pasture for a couple hours. We cheered him on. I also found their open trailer to be disgusting, told the ranch owner, took a cell picture for her, and she sent it to the horse's owner knowing she'd be pissed to see what these boys were going to be putting her horse into.

But anyway, I wish I could have Scotch. He's such a sweety.

Sandy2u1: I am working for it. I have a job, looking for another. He won't exactly get to "spend" it for me after this Friday. My papa (who I work for atm) is cutting me off from my usual charges so he can give me a real pay check so I can stick a boot in my boyfriend's ass. As for not being married - we both intend to spend our lives together, but marriage as far as I know is something I can't exactly hold my breath on. I won't either.

I work for a horse. I don't know how you got that I'm trying to click my heels for one to magically appear. Before a month ago, though, I had no motivation or heart to try as hard as I felt like I wanted to because of depression, anxiety, and psychosis. Now I'm on medication, and it's hitting hard in my heart that, with all of this new help and ambition, I still can't see the light at the end of the tunnel for my passion.
     

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