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Do they realize everyone is staring at them?

This is a discussion on Do they realize everyone is staring at them? within the Horse Talk forums, part of the Keeping and Caring for Horses category

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        01-06-2013, 07:46 PM
      #21
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Horsequeen08    
    I'm not really the type of person to hold my tongue, but there is a time and a place for everything. For example, do you know the girl well? Like have you had conversations with her or spoken to her in the past? Typically I find that people dress certain ways for certian reasons. Like you said, she doesn't need to wear expensive riding pants, but it may be that she doesn't fully understand riding. Does she take lessons? Does she have a trainer? I asked if you've spoken to her before to know if you know any more about her. It could be that she puts every dime she has into taking care of her horse and can't afford lessons, but would like them. Or it may be that she is really that mean and cruel. You can't know until you try talking to her.
    If you see her horse "misbehaving" aka not listening due to improper riding, instead of yelling to her over the arena, wait until she is done riding. Or if you happen to be riding at the same time or in the arena with her, be very kind. This will be easier if you've spoken to her in the past or now. Minor conversations, or even a simple compliment, "oh you horse's halter is really cute!" will make these conversations a littel easier. It is all about approach. Think of her as one of the horses in the pasture that doesn't like to be caught. How would you approach that horse? (I find that comparing people to horses is very helpful for real life situations. XD)
    What I would do is then after talking to her once or twice, or just getting on semi-friendly terms with her, ask her very nicely, "May I make a suggestion?" The majority of people (with some exceptions) will either say yes or ask what. You can then VERY politely suggest that "I saw you riding and I noticed your hands were rather high" (start with one thing at a time, don't hound her about everything). See how she takes to just one thing. Explain to her why it makes a difference, and if she is friendly about it, maybe suggest helping her out next time she is riding. Hard headed people may always blame the horse and never consider they are the problem.
    Like I said, you don't know her and you don't know her situation. Joesmom said that the rider may not listen, but at least then you know you tried. But I am the opposite of everyone else saying keep out. I can't avert my eyes to something horrible. It is completely about approach, just like it is with a horse you are trying to teach. Some methods work for different horses. Just think of her as a horse. ;)

    Side note: I do agree your BM needs to be.....well, things aren't looking good for that barn. I'd do a search around and see if you can find another barn that can offer similar board prices. Or you can try talking to her again. I wish there was some place where you can Report Bad Barn Managers and have them dealt with! Like a court for bad horse people! Haha.

    Keep us posted on everything!!!
    Well, I have only spoken a few words to her such as "hello" or "It's a nice day isn't it" lol I know she is not very knowledgable because when she moved in she told my trainer she was not very knowledgable, to which my trainer offered to give her free lessons for a while. SHe said, no.

    I don't believe she is mean and cruel at heart (I like to give people the benefit of the doubt), she does love her horse/pony but is flat out ignorant.

    "(I find that comparing people to horses is very helpful for real life situations. XD) " lol! I do that too!!!

    I thought maybe when I witness her behaving badly again I would comment as calmly as possible and say, for example,"I think your bridle needs to be adjusted, the D-ring was in the middle of her mouth which can be painful," and try to keep a smile on my face -- what do you think?

    As for the barn on a whole, I don't plan on leaving because of its location and its price but I always keep my ears open. I live in the bay area, Ca where EVERYTHING is expensive. Also, unfortunately I have adopted the role of "hall monitor" at my barn. Seriously. If I catch you speeding I WILL ASK YOU TO SLOW DOWN or report you to the manager (and I'm still wondering what good that does anyway). I've been nearly hit three times. With horse(s) in hand. *head shakes*

    IS THERE SUCH A THING AS A PERFECT BARN?!?!?
         
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        01-06-2013, 08:24 PM
      #22
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by smguidotti    
    I was trying to paint a picture of what she looks like. Don't worry, I am not trying to put her down because she does not wear expensive breaches
    AND Of course a horse can carry 180lbs but that's not the point I'm trying to make :)
    That's exactly what you were doing about her dress and you know it.
    And now the barn owner is an alcoholic, and you wanna sneak here, sneak there, gossip this gossip that. Im thinking a healthy dose of mind your own business is in order.
         
        01-06-2013, 08:46 PM
      #23
    Started
    I gotta agree with joe. It might be time to mind your own business. The busy bodyness of the barn is one reason I am so glad I don't have to board. I don't wear breeches when I ride, I wear boots and jeans and its okay. I make mistakes when I ride and my horse has not killed me yet for it. Nothing would make me more hostile the someone giving me unsolicited advice. I would probably turn down a free lesson to because free lesson to me says either "trying to sell you something, or worth what you pay." Gossip is one thing that gives horse people such a bad name.
         
        01-06-2013, 09:19 PM
      #24
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by smguidotti    
    Also, unfortunately I have adopted the role of "hall monitor" at my barn. Seriously. If I catch you speeding I WILL ASK YOU TO SLOW DOWN or report you to the manager (and I'm still wondering what good that does anyway).

    What that does is when the Manager gets really sick of you tattling she will ask you to leave.

    If you were simply "describing her" the description would have been "a fellow boarder" or "a lady who boards where we do", age, weight, height, clothing description and so forth are only used if describing a criminal suspect to the police or attempting to demean an individual for their clothing choices or looks.

    Lights burnt out for 3 days? OMG call the news!! Right after they do the amazing expose on your barn they can come on over to mine where 2 lights have been burnt out for over a year.....

    A small leak under a water trough? Stick a bucket or feed pan under it. It's not like your horse walks around UNDER his trough!
    themacpack and Missy May like this.
         
        01-06-2013, 11:08 PM
      #25
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Joe4d    
    That's exactly what you were doing about her dress and you know it.
    And now the barn owner is an alcoholic, and you wanna sneak here, sneak there, gossip this gossip that. Im thinking a healthy dose of mind your own business is in order.
    This is an online forum. Why are you whining about me venting to strangers? As if I will ever actually muster up the energy to search for a pony in 50 acres of trees and steep hills and assume it will let a total stranger play with its mouth. I have my own mare to deal with . . .and let's be real, I'm lazy, ain't nobody got time for that.

    But actually, You're totally right. I was completely putting her down for her clothes. I make fun of everyone who rides in jeans. Because I never do that. And no one better dare wear granny panties under those skin tight breaches because pantylines make me laugh.
         
        01-06-2013, 11:19 PM
      #26
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Delfina    
    What that does is when the Manager gets really sick of you tattling she will ask you to leave.

    If you were simply "describing her" the description would have been "a fellow boarder" or "a lady who boards where we do", age, weight, height, clothing description and so forth are only used if describing a criminal suspect to the police or attempting to demean an individual for their clothing choices or looks.

    Lights burnt out for 3 days? OMG call the news!! Right after they do the amazing expose on your barn they can come on over to mine where 2 lights have been burnt out for over a year.....

    A small leak under a water trough? Stick a bucket or feed pan under it. It's not like your horse walks around UNDER his trough!
    Well, YOU call it tattling but I and a few other ladies at my end of the barn call it obeying the posted speed limit. And besides, no barn can afford to ask a boarder a leave in my neck of the woods...unfortunately.

    I'm sorry I offended you so much though. I just like being descriptive -- does not mean I am implying anything bad by it. When I mentioned the black scarves/hair/etc blowing in the wind I actually envisioned one of the dark riders from the LORD OF THE RINGS galloping up the road which actually makes me happy inside because I've always wanted to cosplay with my horse. But it's not my issue that you took it negatively.

    . . . And so I have higher expectations for my barn than you . . . I don't know what to say . . . Congratulations?
         
        01-06-2013, 11:44 PM
      #27
    Trained
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by smguidotti    
    ...and so I have higher expectations for my barn than you . . . I don't know what to say . . . Congratulations?
    Given the attitude, I suggest you say nothing to the other rider. If you approach her the same way you post, it will only end in bitterness. Or a punch in the nose.
         
        01-07-2013, 02:24 AM
      #28
    Weanling
    So I don't like getting into the middle of arguments here, but I think everyone really needs to calm down. This is an online forum, this is a place for advice. I don't really see a problem with describing the girl who rides poorly whether it have been "she wears top name brands all the time" or "doesn't even wear breeches". I think the description was to get an idea of the girl who rides, and both descriptions say something about the girl. Not that anyone's asked me my opinion, but I do think Joe could have phrased that a little less....snippy. You don't have to agree with her, but you don't have to snap back.
    Actually, all this is a good example of what I was saying about how little we actually know each other and our own personal situations. My guess is that Joe probably had to deal with snippy, gossipy women in the past and he won't put up with it.
    At the same time, is it really "minding our own business" also known as turning our back if we are witness to a horse being mistreated for whatever the reason, be it ignornace or just flat out malice? Perhaps we cannot get the owner/trainer/handlers to see, but we might be able to report them if it is malice, such as at a show, or help them if it is ignorance. The most important thing to keep in mind is the horses' well-being. They rely on us. I don't think we should tolerate mistreatment of any sort. This is why I said we should speak up.
    However, Dotti, I also believe that you got a little defensive as well, which makes me think you won't tolerate being put down to talked down to. Like you said, you "monitor" the barn, as so you like being in charge. Here is my question to you, and please keep in mind I am not trying to snap at anyone, nor trying to put anyone down, but Dotti, this is what I don't understand: If you have no qualms about asking speeders to slow down or reporting people/problems to the BM, why is it you hesitate to confront this girl who we all agree is riding poorly?
    I refer back to my post earlier. Don't be afraid to talk to her or ask her if she would like some help. Sometimes just a small suggestion or even showing someone how to do it is all it takes to help make a change.
    It seems to me that this girl probably doesn't know how to do things and isn't the type to ask for help. I don't think we should look down on people because they don't accept free lessons. There are plenty of people who don't really like being given things or just don't know how to accept it and feel they need to give back, but can't. True, it could very much have to do with pride and she could just refuse it for stupid reasons, thinking she is above it.
    We are all entitled to our opinion. Let's try to be polite when giving it. No need to be defensive, rude, or sarcastic. Nothing wrong with a good disagreement, so long as both parties aren't getting emotional about it.

    Of course, all this is just MY opinion, and I could very well be wrong. I'm just saying what I think. Feel free to disagree!
         
        01-07-2013, 02:30 AM
      #29
    Yearling
    To be quiet honest I am shocked.

    You ask for help, when people give you help you pretty much just turn them down.

    With all respect, mind your own business.

    If your have been ran over by horses 3 times, maybe you should work on your control. If people are running all over the place, ignore them. If your horse is freaking out then work with it. Unless they are not trying to run you over, ignore it. Don't sit there and tattle on them, you do not own the barn.

    If you don't like it, then move. Stop complaining about it. Get a job, or another one, to pay for the higher boarding.

    Also, so what if she wears expensive clothing? And if she doesn't wear breeches? I don't wear breeches, not even jeans.
         
        01-07-2013, 02:38 AM
      #30
    Foal
    Wow now I am definitely saying no to the boarding barn idea way to much drama!
    Posted via Mobile Device
    smguidotti likes this.
         

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