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Do You Find This Strange?

This is a discussion on Do You Find This Strange? within the Horse Talk forums, part of the Keeping and Caring for Horses category

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        03-20-2012, 04:41 PM
      #11
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Daisy25    
    Hmmm....OK -

    In my mind, I had been interpreting it more as a "If you were planning on riding today, why did you tell me to come out?" rather than she is trying to correct a problem without mentioning it directly.

    Sounds like we need to have a conversation and clarify a few things...

    My advice?

    Don't get bull headed about it. Talk to her

    'Oh I didn't know you were coming out today'
    And if she says nothing, keep quiet. Then when she asks to get on, get off and ask if she feels you need to develop your riding skills/is she not happy with the way you are riding the horse.

    Be nice about it, and you're more likely to get an honest answer.

    Hope it all works out for you.

    I know I was a pain when I let my old man be used, bit washed, saddle cloth and girth off, saddle sheet on, sweat patches groom off, sand of fheels etc ;)
         
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        03-20-2012, 04:47 PM
      #12
    Yearling
    I agree with everyone else and have a few other comments.

    Horse leasing is a tough call. It's like hiring a nanny. On one hand, you want the nanny to establish a close relationship with the child(ren) and feel empowered to parent in your absence.

    On the other hand, you don't want the nanny raising your kids in a manner different than your beliefs.

    Horse leasing is not all that different. Ride my horse and excercise/love him, but don't ruin his mouth and confuse him with bad cues.

    OP - when you leased this horse, what type of experience did you give yourself? Did you say you were a newbie with a lot to learn? If so, she may be trying to sincerely help you and spare the horse.

    Did you overstate your experience and skills? If she is experienced, she may be calling you out by stepping in.

    The other reason she may be jumping up on the horse is not to ride him for her own pleasure or to show you, but maybe she thinks the horse is too fresh for you and she is working him down for your skills?

    You wrote this:

    <snip> but then when I arrive on the scene, there is the owner offering to "help" by jumping up for a quick ride to "demonstrate" a few things with her horse or stepping in when I wanted to work with the horse on the ground.</snip>

    You could always try the approach based strictly on "time." For example, "Oh, I'm sorry. Looks like we have a conflict today. Would you prefer I ride tomorrow?" Or call her directly the day before and say that you will be out to ride between 4 and 6 and then have to scoot. Ask if it conflicts with her desire to ride at that time. Offer to reschedule if it does.

    This approach is not direct but it does open the door to the more difficult topic of "why" she may not be comfortable with your riding. Without putting her on the spot.

    You didn't identify how much you are paying to lease, what the terms of the lease are, or if there are any stipulations regarding what you can or can not do on the horse. Also, what did she do with the horse? Was it strictly for hacking around the pasture or did she event/compete?

    PS - Also, I can't tell. Is the horse on her property or at a barn where both of you must travel to see the horse?

    This information may help us understand her actions better.
    DuffyDuck likes this.
         
        03-20-2012, 05:12 PM
      #13
    mls
    Trained
    My two cents -

    The horse owner is lonely and looking for a horse buddy.
    AQHSam likes this.
         
        03-20-2012, 06:17 PM
      #14
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AQHSam    

    OP - when you leased this horse, what type of experience did you give yourself? Did you say you were a newbie with a lot to learn? If so, she may be trying to sincerely help you and spare the horse.

    Did you overstate your experience and skills? If she is experienced, she may be calling you out by stepping in.
    I have been honest about my background. I am *ahem* "mature", and my purpose in leasing different horses these past couple of years is to get back into riding now that my children are older. Still don't have the means to own a horse of my own right now (maybe when my kids are out of the house!) My riding goals are pretty modest - just trying to re-hone my skills that have undoubtedly gotten a bit rusty over the years.

    The owner is a college student who is currently busy with classes, a job, boyfriend, social life, etc.

    Quote:
    You didn't identify how much you are paying to lease, what the terms of the lease are, or if there are any stipulations regarding what you can or can not do on the horse. Also, what did she do with the horse? Was it strictly for hacking around the pasture or did she event/compete?
    This is a "free" lease, because at this time the owner is undecided as to whether she wants to sell outright - so she doesn't want to make a firm commitment to anything at this time. (This is fine with me...BTW)

    I'm not exactly sure what she used to do with the horse - I know she did some show jumping, but I'm not sure how serious this was or the level of competition.

    The owner has specified that I am 'allowed' to jump, but I want to work on more basic things first: smooth transitions, proper form, that sort of thing.

    Quote:
    PS - Also, I can't tell. Is the horse on her property or at a barn where both of you must travel to see the horse?

    This information may help us understand her actions better.
    The owner lives much closer to the barn than I. For her, it's a quick trip - for me, it's a bit of a haul...

    And I am sure that even though I am older, she is a better rider...so getting a few tips would be fine with me.

    What isn't fine are the number of mixed messages I've been getting: She talks about selling - then says she'll never part with the horses. She tells me she has no time - but then seems to want to hang around. She talks about how important it is to take good care of one's things - but her own equipment is in terrible shape.

    And when she has offered to jump up and ride - it has never been a time when I was already on the horse and might have needed some help or correction. It will be when I first arrive - and then it is "Oh hey, let me show you how she jumps!"

    Or showing up while I am in the middle of ground work and then saying "Oh, since you're not riding today, I can show you some of the things I do!"

    I have also found an issue that I fundamentally disagree with -

    There are several paddocks in which to ride....and these same paddocks are grazed by the other horses on the property. Each time I go out to ride, I make sure to choose an empty paddock so that I can ride alone - away from the other horses. The owner is more worried about her horse being herd-bound and distressed from being separated than in creating a safe area in which to ride. She said that once I start riding, the other horses will leave me alone and not bother me. For my part - I have not noticed the horse behaving in a "herd-bound and distressed" way....and feel it's safer to ride away from the rest of the herd.

    I guess I am starting to feel uncomfortable with the situation...

    But probably best to try and have a conversation about everything first.
         
        03-20-2012, 10:04 PM
      #15
    Yearling
    I think the other members covered most of the issues, but your last paragraph alarmed me.-
    You are right, it is generally not a good idea to ride in a paddock with loose horses. The owner can dictate How she prefers her horse to be ridden, but you are in charge of where you feel safe riding.
         
        03-21-2012, 07:55 AM
      #16
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Skipsfirstspike    
    You are right, it is generally not a good idea to ride in a paddock with loose horses. The owner can dictate How she prefers her horse to be ridden, but you are in charge of where you feel safe riding.
    That's always been my understanding, too. The RIDER is always in charge of their own safety and the safety of those around them.

    If the owner makes a big deal that I *MUST* ride with loose horses (just in case hers is herd-bound) then I am going to walk away...
         
        03-21-2012, 08:06 AM
      #17
    Green Broke
    Riding with loose horses o.0

    That's crazy!

    I would walk too.. your personal safety isn't worth it.. once that herd instinct kicks in.. see ya!


    Either way, best of luck and I hope it works out!
         
        03-21-2012, 08:20 AM
      #18
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by DuffyDuck    


    Either way, best of luck and I hope it works out!
    Thanks! I hope it works out, too...
         
        03-21-2012, 09:17 AM
      #19
    Green Broke
    After your last explanation, now it sounds more like she is confused about what she wants.
    Kinda like a little kid and a toy- the kid doesn't really want to play with the toy but as soon as she see's someone else playing with the toy she wants to play with it.."mine!"

    I am glad you are thinking of your own safety and riding in an empty paddock and not with a bunch of loose horses.

    Best of luck!
         
        04-03-2012, 12:55 PM
      #20
    Weanling
    UPDATE:

    The situation has not improved and I finally can put my finger on exactly why:

    The owner is behaving as though she doesn't trust me.

    For my part, I had provided her references from previous leasing situations...and followed all the rules she put into place (such as giving her 24 hours notice before each ride) and have been very upfront and open about everything. Since I am an honest person, I can't imagine what I am doing that would cause such suspicion.

    So - for my own self-esteem (because it really feels terrible when someone acts like you are going to steal their fine china or something), I am choosing to believe that she is uncomfortable with the whole leasing situation - and not me, specifically.

    And I have decided to end it.

    Obviously, it is disappointing - but enough with this craziness!

    Hopefully, I can find another horse to lease, soon!
         

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