Does anyone else have this problem with certain family members? - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 23 Old 08-03-2014, 10:24 PM Thread Starter
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Location: Gallant, Alabama
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Does anyone else have this problem with certain family members?

I'm just curious... does anyone else have a problem with certain family members getting upset when you spend your own, personal hard-earned money on your horses?

My great grandmother is awesome, and I love her to death, but we fight all the time over me buying things or spending money on my horses... and it's not 'frivolous' things, either... she doesn't mind me buying bridles, bits, etc... what she gets upset at me over is when I buy horse-feed or have the farrier/vet out...

Take today, for example... I just got paid after house/dog-sitting for a week and will also be getting my paycheck in about three days, so when I got home I mentioned that tomorrow night I was going to call the farrier to come and take the shoes off my mare and trim both my mare and my gelding who are at home (one of my horses is leased out, so I don't have to worry about her hoof-care). It's only going to cost me about $60-$70 dollars, but my great grandmother went bat*** crazy over it, raising her voice and yelling about how I can't be spending all my money on my horses, etc... that they don't need the farrier, etc... (my mare is two weeks overdue to have her shoes removed and my gelding hasn't been trimmed since the beginning of Summer, though his hooves have just recently grown out enough to need trimmed again).

My response was that I don't spend all my money on my horses and that I know I have a truck payment and an internet payment coming up at the end of the month and I know I am paying my part of the phone bill (long distance calls to the vet), but my horses are my responsibility and I can afford to care for their basic necessities... even if it means I go without something for a while... to which my great grandmother still yelled and griped about for about half an hour...

Anyone else have family issues like this? I'm twenty-four, but live with my great grandmother (who is in her seventies) and help her out a lot, so there's no way 'moving' is an option, lol... Just, how can I deal with this without losing my own temper when she yells and screams at me...?

Sorry for the rant...
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post #2 of 23 Old 08-03-2014, 11:08 PM
Join Date: Jan 2014
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If she's getting older she may have the beginnings of early-onset dementia or senility. My mother is only in her mid 60s and she tells me that she is forgetting things more often. It could be that your great grandmother is getting confused about what is important.

I'm lucky to have a supportive, kind and generous family (with a few exceptions).
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post #3 of 23 Old 08-03-2014, 11:42 PM
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Could you try just not telling her what you spend?

On the phone bills, if you don't talk a lot, a pay-as-you-go cell phone can be quite a bit cheaper than a land line. Mine runs about $7/month, vs $32 + long distance charges for the land line, which is about enough to cover what our farrier charges for my horse.
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post #4 of 23 Old 08-04-2014, 12:20 AM
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Stop telling her about it. It's none of her business anyway.
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post #5 of 23 Old 08-04-2014, 09:11 AM
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I got this from my mother when I was riding in my 20s, fortunately only on the phone as I was living 450 miles from her. I finally had to tell her: "Look, you are not supporting me, i earn my own money. From now on I will never so much as mention horses to you again, and if you bring up my spending in any way, the call ends there and then. She never got on me about it again though I'm sure there were times she was biting her lip bloody not to!
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post #6 of 23 Old 08-04-2014, 09:28 AM
Join Date: May 2012
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I think it is a horse thing. I have family members that could feed the entire extended family on what they pay to bring down one deer during hunting season, one that spends so much on his remote control hobby I could add a couple more horses and their care for a yaer to cover just a small portion of his spendings, a couple that spend their money on club sports to the tune of $4000 a month and one that spends his $$$ on steel horses, travel, insurance and hospital/repair bills but the focus is always on what we spend and what we could do if we didn't have horses. What beats all is that the one that spends the most on club sports has 2 horses, moved them in their backyard (1/2 acre) because they couldn't afford the cost of boarding and spend 10X more on their two than we do. This is our business as well as our joy. Shakes head....

Make sure you keep up with your commitments and don't share what you are spending the balance on. If it comes to her having to cover other costs that she feels you should share but don't because you aren't aware or can't because of horse costs then maybe it is time to reevaluate each party's expectations.
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post #7 of 23 Old 08-04-2014, 09:33 AM
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My mother resented EVERY cent ever spent on horses when I grew up. My dad used to train (obviously before she was around) and enjoyed every minute. Mom constantly reminded me of all the things she could have if so much $$ was not going to horses.(I had one and took lessons). There was not a day that went by she didn;t mention it, and even after I got married, had kids and the kids were old enough and we had enough $$ for me to have one again-she started in again. Dad loved to visit and always went to the barn. I miss him, and honestly feel a bit sorry for her. She was a miserable woman……but taught me what NOT to be.

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post #8 of 23 Old 08-04-2014, 09:47 AM
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Location: Phoenix Arizona
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My fiance can get like that. not to the extreme but he is always telling me i worry too much, or i spend more than i need to. He has 3 horses but he has had them longer them me (about 23 years longer). I have had my mare for about 3 years now and am still getting over the "OMG I have a HORSIE" crazies. That being said my "unnecessary" spending is on feeds (not hay) lmao!... Or a blanket because im TIRED of her having an inch of winter coat when we have a LOW of 30 in the winter -_-'.
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post #9 of 23 Old 08-04-2014, 09:49 AM
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Canada
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Yes all the time! And truthfully if I sold all my horses I know I'd have more money but I would also be miserable and depressed so when someone makes a comment about what I spend on the horses I usually just say "My horses keep me sane, which in turn keeps you safe;)"
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post #10 of 23 Old 08-04-2014, 10:13 AM
Join Date: Feb 2013
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Maybe she feels some resentment that you're using your money to pay for horses, and not paying her some sort of rent? Is she financially stable right now? If not, that may be her problem.

I agree with everyone else. Don't mention horses or their expenses around her.

I feel so lucky to have had my Mom. She loved horses longer than I did, and anytime I came up short, she'd always be right there with some money, waiting to help me with my horse bills. My boyfriend will give me some flack about my horses, and call them "hay burners," but I like to remind him that he rides said "hay burners," which shuts him up. He likes to think he can tell me what to do with them.. Little does he know!
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