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Does your horse get in the way of your relationship?

9K views 84 replies 66 participants last post by  zurmdahl 
#1 ·
Does your horse/horses ever cause relationship issues with your partner or loved one due to the shear amount of time these animals need or costs, yes that's a good one (the big critters are rather spendy.) Just curious.
 
#29 ·
My husband is not horsey, and he doesn't really like them a great deal either. He tends to worry about me, and will only come to the barn when I need help.

However he knows that my horse makes me happy, and he wants me to succeed in my riding goals - so he supports it 100%.

I'd never have to choose between my husband and my horse, ever.
 
#30 ·
Nope...DH knew going into the relationship that the animals were there to stay. He is not into riding horses though. He does help with chores happily though and never complains of the cost. He has his hobbies and I have mine. They both cost a bit of money but we are always honest about what is spent where.
 
#31 ·
When I met my husband, I was away at college living in an apartment and did not have my own horse, nor had I ridden in quite a while (even though my horse I grew up on was still at my parents house and still is) and was way more caught up with my friends and dating. After we got married, I started giving horse lessons regularly on the horses my sister and I grew up on, and without the distractions of dating and friends (as I settled into the mentality of the "quiet married life") I got more and more into horses. I've always been horse crazy, but never dove quite THIS deep into it. Eventually, I got to the point where I wanted my own horse, and I bought Flash last November after much convincing, particularly in the area of money as my husband is not an animal person (his ideal pet is a fish), much less a horse person. However, he knows that this is what I'm passionate about and can see how happy it makes me to work with my baby. Then, in January, I decided I wanted a second horse for various reasons, and, after more convincing, I bought Snickers (It's just the two of us, so I made a deal with him that if I spent $1000 on a horse that didn't do anything for him at all, he could get $1000 to spend however he wanted to as well and I couldn't try to persuade him how I thought he should spend it either. That seemed fair! lol). So here I am with both my boys, happy as can be with my own hobby, and he has his own hobbies as well. We share a passion for what makes each other happy, though we may not enjoy those things ourselves. I love it :) As long as I carry my own weight in the finances to pay for the horses, he's happy to let me spend the money and time it takes to be with them.

We have had one issue, though. But that was solved by my husband buying me a lint roller to get the hair off of me before I come home :P
 
#32 ·
Well, apparently now it is. He knew I was a horse girl all along and I always told him I "had" a horse, she was just owned by my friend at the time. I told him that if she ever needed to sell her I would get her back. Well, we got married, then I got the horse back. Now he's telling me that I have to sell her. Um, no, I special ordered her when we bred her mom. :-x I will postpone having children (which he wants) before I sell my horse. And if I have to sell my horse he d*** well isn't buying any more $1,000 rifles that he will shoot once a year tops. Urg, that "conversation" just happened today, so Im a bit raw on the topic still.
 
#50 ·
Well, apparently now it is. He knew I was a horse girl all along and I always told him I "had" a horse, she was just owned by my friend at the time. I told him that if she ever needed to sell her I would get her back. Well, we got married, then I got the horse back. Now he's telling me that I have to sell her. Um, no, I special ordered her when we bred her mom. :-x I will postpone having children (which he wants) before I sell my horse. And if I have to sell my horse he d*** well isn't buying any more $1,000 rifles that he will shoot once a year tops. Urg, that "conversation" just happened today, so Im a bit raw on the topic still.
Dont' do it ... I compromised once in that area and went years without a horse .. It's hard to go back once you give them up for "him" ..

I love my husband, and we've had our 'discussions', but the two times we came closest to breaking up was over the time I was spending with my, then new, mare ... and when we built our house.

He, too, has guns ... and a Harley Davidson. I dont' wanna hear it from him ... lol
 
#33 ·
I am not seeing anyone currently but I have to say there was one time this guy who was into me would show up at my work (therapeutic riding center) and make me take time out to teach him how to ride. It sounds awesome but it wasn't... I felt like HE was coming in between my "me" time (this was before I had Sky) and it just made me very irritable since I couldn't ride in peace.

Though I wouldn't want to be with a guy that didn't at least like my horse, Sky. He's important to me.
 
#38 ·
I am not seeing anyone currently but I have to say there was one time this guy who was into me would show up at my work (therapeutic riding center) and make me take time out to teach him how to ride. It sounds awesome but it wasn't... I felt like HE was coming in between my "me" time (this was before I had Sky) and it just made me very irritable since I couldn't ride in peace.

Though I wouldn't want to be with a guy that didn't at least like my horse, Sky. He's important to me.
I have a similar type situation. Last January, I thought it would be a good idea to lease a pony for my 8 yr old stepdaughter. Thought.

Now when the kids are with us, I am very obligated to take her to barn to see her horse. She only gets to see the horse on the weekends she is with us, and then only if she does't have some scouting or birthday thing to go to.

Last week, we had 5 straight days of rain and on Saturday and Sunday I wanted to go to the barn. I pretty much had to take her with me both days. So, not only am I getting my private "me" time away from them but once at the barn I can't spend anytime with my horse because she needs to be mentored and supervised.

I feel selfish about feeling this way, but I work 40 hrs per week and didn't realize how badly her being with me would take away from my few hours of me time.
 
#34 ·
No every relationship I have ever had has been "my aunt invited us to the race track wanna...." WHAT TIME IS THE TRUCK LEAVING!!! kind of thing and now I am lucky enough to have a guy that loves horses as much as I do. He wanted to buy one before he left for the Marines but thought better about it. He has gotten upset with me once over having a horse and that was when he realized that now that I have one I might have to give him up to move with him, I think he was just scared I would tell him he could go on his own that I wasnt going to leave my horse. Our agreement is that when he is done with the Marines or once we get enough money I am getting a bit of land and having all the horses I want (as long as the property is somewhere he can fish and hunt).
 
#35 ·
The first horse I have ever owned, after being horse crazy all my life, arrived a month ago. The hubby was hoping it was a phase I was going through. Several arguments about buying stuff for this horse so far. But last night he asked me to send a picture of Mission to him so he could share with his work buddies. I think he is warming up to the idea. Yayyyy! (or he is secretly trying to sell the horse......hmmm.)
 
#37 ·
I think he is warming up to the idea. Yayyyy! (or he is secretly trying to sell the horse......hmmm.)
lol might want to keep an eye on that hun! Just make sure the horses titles are in your name only! lol

Im just hoping my fiance wont kill me when he finds out I got a second horse while he was in basic!
 
#36 ·
When I got married to my hubby, I was horseless but he knew how much I loved the critters. So when we moved from a very urban area out to the 'country', land and a barn was a requirement he was happy to agree with.

He has encouraged me every step of the way and enjoys the farm work that comes with having horses. He likes to ride, but only if I get the ponies ready and all he has to do is hop up (our horses are that sort). He takes care of them when I travel for work and has said if I ever wanted to get in to showing, he'd be right there helping me.

He also sneaks them carrots and cookies when I'm at work.

In short, I married a perfect sorta-non-horsey guy!
 
#39 · (Edited)
When my hub and I were dating he went out and BOUGHT a horse he could ride so he could spend more time with me!! Otherwise he figured he'd never see me, LOL!

I had horses before him and I'll have horses after. Honestly he knew they were my life and if he wanted included he had to be involved!

As for care and costs, well that's another matter. But, He knew where I was at I could house them and wouldn't move anywhere where I couldn't. I would not have married him if he didn't love the outdoors and owning/running a farm. So I think a person's picker is off if they don't find a man that follows their passion.
The whole running the farm gets us into trouble but I'm handy so THWH. He knows how to get on my good side... go cut wood, mend some fence, brush hog, and mow! Don't be bringing me cut flowers!
The farm's in MY name and protected, so go if you don't like it!! LOL!
 
#40 ·
Ive had horses since i was 11. Before any boys came along. I dated a guy for a few years when i was 15 and he would come to horse shows. He didnt complain about my time with the horses, but wasnt a horsey-guy.

The guy i met at 18 was a liar and pain in my *** about my horses. He was all talk "yeah i can ride, i love horses blah blah blah" 6 months in, i didnt "spend enough time with him" and he didnt support me showing, so i stopped. He was a pain and i got very irritated with him about it.

The final straw was when he was jealous of my 9 week old puppy because i had to spend time training and potty breaking etc. And of course he was so cute that i always wanted to cuddle with him.

Needless to say, our breakup was the best thing ever now that i look back. And any guy who might try to date me in the future will know that my dog and horses will come first.

What i need...is a sexy cowboy. Lmfao!
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#46 ·
Sey Cowboys...

What i need...is a sexy cowboy. Lmfao!
Posted via Mobile Device
I have honestly been thinking of moving to Texas to see if we can find a sexy cowboy for my daughter. Her list of would be boys have yet to pass the horse test. One came out twice to the stable, but then tried to tell her how to ride. When whe was riding, he starts talking to me about how to side track her onto a cheaper hobby.

Her latet bo has not been out to the stable yet... he has never been on a horse, but 'says' he is fine with her having horses. I'm concerned...

She needs a sexy cowboy who already rides and is horse crazy.:D
 
#41 ·
"What I need...is a sexy cowboy. Lmfao!"

Ha HA!! CLaPorte! Wish there were more out there to choose from!
If men only knew how sexy they would be if they were all great horsemen!

I couldn't find one around here so I had to make one! I get the best of both worlds, he loves them and he rides like me, handles them like me and we never have a debate over it because he doesn't know any different! LOL!
 
#42 ·
Michigan is only full of wanna-bes. Lol. I should travel out west. But for the time being, i can live through my romance novels. ;-)
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#43 ·
I just realized that without my hubby I wouldn't have a horse right now. He knew when he met me that my dream was to own property and have horses again. He wants property too. So we have 10 acres (unfortunately 3 hours away from home) and I have my horse. I would not have any of it if I was still a single parent. Still searching for property that we can live on and commute to work but its so expensive in our area.
 
#44 ·
Hmmm...my wife and I had been married over 20 years before SHE wanted horses...and now I'M the one who does most of the riding. Since she is the one who picked out the horses and bought them, she sure cannot complain about them being here.

She doesn't dislike the horses, but she only recently started riding again - and probably will never ride more than twice/week. With 3 horses living in the corral, that means I need to do a lot of riding to keep them exercised - more riding than I want, really. If my daughter-in-law hadn't taken up riding, there is no way they would get exercised enough.

In a marriage, folks need to learn to compromise. During my military career, my wife followed me around the world. I worked 12 hour days, and was deployed somewhere on average 5 months each year. When I retired, she went from a part-time RN to full time. There are a lot of things we do together, but we do NOT have to share every activity.

She likes to go shopping. I would as soon be emasculated as spend 4 hours looking for clothes. I spend 5 minutes each year buying my pants - Wrangler jeans at Wal-mart. I like shooting. She finds the idea of once a month going out into the desert and shooting $50 of ammo at soda cans...bizarre. But we wouldn't still be married after 25 years if we felt the need to control or dominate each other. In May, she's taking the kids and going for a vacation in California. She'll spend a year's worth of ammo money on hotel rooms for a few days, hitting the beach and visiting relatives - while I stay home and take care of the horses & dogs. And then we'll be together again, and we'll tell each other stories about what happened...

My own feeling is that if someone thinks you need to be with them 100% of the time...bolt!
 
#45 ·
OK - this requires that I be silly and nolstolgic for a bit... So 20+ years ago I was in college and this guy wanted to know if I wanted to go out. Sticking to my rule of only guys who like horses, I invite him out to go riding. He said sure.

So we drive the 42 miles from town to the porperty up in the BFE foothills where I have my horses. This is when I go...um... yeah. I have three horses.

My 15.2 hand Anglo Arab mare who is MY horse and I do everythign with.
My sister's 15.3 hand QH gelding who has been badly abused in the past and is terrififed of men to the extreme
And my 14.2 hand Mustang mare.

I own one saddle. One mechanical Hackamore for my horse, and one bridle.

So I put the 6'4" guy on in the saddle on my horse - who was not amused. (I always rode bareback). And I bridled the Mustang and jumped on bareback.

For his part, in spite of it being 90+ degrees out, my date was wearing a blue jean jacket and had a six pack of Pepsi in the pockets. :) So out we go down dirt roads and up and down hills.

About an hour out, he is riding my mare with a loose rein as she is really picking where we are going, and he opens a soda. No big deal we're talking. Then we come around a corner where there is a side road that goes up a steep hill and disappears down the other side. What woudl be boy friend doesn't know is that my mare is an endurance horse, one hour is a warm up, and we usually gallop up that particular hill.

I watch my mare lift her head and turn and look back at him with this evil twinkle in her eye. She tosses her nose forward, nope, no rein contact. She readyies her body and then POW she is at a gallop in one stride.

For his part, woudl be boy friend looks down at the mare going full out under him and pulls back on the reins, nothing, he has about two extra feet of length before he will have contact with her hackamore. At that point, he looks at his freshly opened soda... looks at the reins.... looks at the top of the hills... looks at his soda.

This whole time I am riding the slowing four legged critter in existance and we are falling behing FAST.

This look from soda to reins to top of hill goes on for about four minutes. Then, about thirty feet from the top of the hill, he sluggs down the whole soda, tosses it over his head, uses his now free hand to shorten his reins, and pulls her into a sliding stop - a good four of five feet from the hair pin turn at the top of that hill.

We had a medieval wedding on horseback...
 
#49 ·
...Then, about thirty feet from the top of the hill, he slugs down the whole soda, tosses it over his head, uses his now free hand to shorten his reins, and pulls her into a sliding stop - a good four of five feet from the hair pin turn at the top of that hill.

We had a medieval wedding on horseback...
That is AWESOME!!!!!!
 
#51 ·
Never with my current. He knew I was a horse woman before he even asked me on our first date. We actually joked about how crazy horse people are on our first date! :lol:

He's been very wonderful about it the entire time we've been together. Riding isn't a passion for him, though he does enjoy it and likes to go on trail rides a couple times a month. He likes helping me clean up around the barn, build fences, feeders, stacking hay, etc. In his eyes horses are something that makes me happy and he wants me to be happy, so why would he complain? Besides that, he's a pretty independent man and he likes that I'm independent and have my own hobbies.

On the flip side, I'm not one of those who'll never do anything with him because of my horses. I go on vacations with him (find a good horse sitter), weekends away, nice dinners, go out on the town, motorcycle rides, etc. I started feeding round bales this year to make it easier for us to spend time together when we want to without worrying about the horses getting fed. Sometimes I give up a planned ride because he's really excited about doing something with me, not always by any means, but I make sure I'm not always picking my horses over him either.

In my opinion it's about a balance and working together to enjoy your lives together and separately. If literally all I was interested in was my horses, never wanted to take any vacations, or wanted to go anywhere with my boyfriend/hubby because I wanted to spend time with my horses I probably wouldn't have a boyfriend/hubby..
 
#52 ·
It's not really an issue for me. Everyone knows my horses come first, period.

That would be the first thing I tell a guy. My horse and I are a package deal. He better accept the horse (and my cat clan, for that matter) or it'll never work out. :wink:
 
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#53 ·
Wow I read all the comments on this post. There seems to be a few lucky people who have a partner who enjoys the horses also and some that are tolerant of the critters. Very interesting. I know a couple that actually divorced over the ownership of a horse because of the time involved.

Great to hear all the different circumstances involved in horse ownership and relationships.
 
#54 ·
To my husband's credit - he is really trying. He was 100% city-slicker when we met. When I finally talked him into getting a horse for DD, I promised he wouldn't have to do a thing with the horse (well, except for the fact that he and FIL had to build the barn, lol, but that was building - which they love - not really *horse stuff*). DD and I have kept that word and have not asked him to do one single thing for the horse (now horses). BUT -- he has volunteered on more than one occasion and is actively seeking out chances to interact with the horses, get to know them, learn what he can and has even ridden a couple of times. He is by no-means horse crazy, but he is horse-likey, and that's a start.
 
#55 ·
I have run into men who treat the wives things as frivolous while their stuff is important stuff. A friend's husband seemed to support her wanting a horse as she'd ridden for years prior to marrying. They bought a small farm, big barn, good pasture. New horse arrived. Before long he was complaining and things began to go downhill. I heard this saying and tho't it hilarious. Would you rather in her spare time that your wife went to the bar or the barn? He stopped complaining as he knew his wife had been quite the party gal before marrying.
 
#57 ·
For me yes, My husband and I are fine, we both work our cattle farm and he also enjoys horses, the problem and guilt comes in with my 2 yr old daughter. I am a stay at home mom and also work on our farm so sometimes I feel really bad when I want to go ride, work and train my horse. I see my horse everyday, work and ride her at least four times a week, but I often feel bad becasue I feel as if I need to be giving my daughter 110% of my attention and time. This its not only with horses I feel this way, its about really anything I do that does not include my daughter.l:?
 
#61 ·
The horses and farm came before me, they've been a huge part of my life since day 1. Any guy that knew me knew horses were part of the package, didn't like it, take a hike.

My hubby was very non-horsey when we started dating but has always been willing to learn. He worked up the ranks from manure shoveler to hay stacker to fence fixer and now after 12 years he has his own and rides with me quite often. He's very supportive of the horses and has found his niche with them. He really enjoys the babies, he likes halter breaking and the beginning steps. Fine by me, I'd rather ride.

He's gotten to be pretty handy with them, never complains and every sat/sun he lets me sleep in and does chores for me :) There is an occasional text or call saying "Now who gets this supplement?" :lol:

You can also add me to the "bought a horse without his knowledge" camp. My last one in fact. He didn't know until I pulled in with the truck & trailer and unloaded her. God love him, he even rode her that first day with me...yep, my non-horsey hubby who I had to beg to wear wranglers and ride western when we first started dating got on the mongo warmblood in an english saddle. He hasn't since but hey, at least he tried :wink:
 
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