The Horse Forum banner
Status
Not open for further replies.

Does your horse get in the way of your relationship?

9K views 84 replies 66 participants last post by  zurmdahl 
#1 ·
Does your horse/horses ever cause relationship issues with your partner or loved one due to the shear amount of time these animals need or costs, yes that's a good one (the big critters are rather spendy.) Just curious.
 
#3 ·
All the time. I work during the week and teach on the weekends. I can't drop everything to take road trip whenever I want, or when someone offers tickets to a sporting event, I can't go and it drives him crazy. But he knows better than to make me choose.
 
#12 ·
I think that too whenever a new car part shows up at our house during the week. He spends on his classic cars what I spend in board every month. He is currently working on a 57 VW Bug that he picked up a few months ago. He won't miss me much during this summer :)
 
#5 ·
No - because that was the frist rule about going out with me, I come with a horse. I have seen many many people (friends and sisters) who married men who promptly made them give up their horses and it eventually ruined the relationship.

My hubby rides on occasion - he loves horses. He will fix fences, shovel poo, hold for farrier or vet. Most importantly, when I have had a bad horse day and I come home shreaking that I am selling that @#$#%@#$ animal, he tells me NO. We have been together for 25 years this Sept.

There are spouces out there who even if they are not into horses, will learn to be, or will sympathitic to your hobby (though you have to understand that they get to have hobbies that cost the same too). Just be up front about it.
 
#6 · (Edited)
Omg yessssss

It doesn't help that I bought the horse after the relationship started. And, I don't know why he is so shocked.

I moved from a densly populated area of MI to a not-so populated area of MO. Our home is considered "in town," meaning it has a normal size lot and is close to shopping, schools, church, restaurants.

When I first moved down here (in 2010) to be with him, we would talk about selling the house in town and moving to 10-15 acres so I could HAVE A HORSE.

He participated in saying THOSE words. We even had a timeline; 3-5 yrs.

Well, last fall, he refinanced, one neighbor put up a privacy fence, and we became closer to the other neighbors. And, all of a sudden he started talking about how nice the house is and how it will be paid for in less than 10 yrs. He didn't want to sell the house.

So, I went and bought a horse and found a place to keep said horse.

And, NOW anytime we bump heads, the horse is brought into the argument. Mostly, it is him feeling replaced. In Michigan, I was very active and had lots of hobbies and friends. It was common for me to be out 5 out of 7 evenings doing things. He has interests, but they don't necessarily require others or time out of the house.

Even if I am at the barn alone, I am OUT (away from the home) and he sees that as a time threat against him.

Funny thing is, as soon as I turn it into a controlling thing, he backs down. It is not about me being in the house waiting on him. He just doesn't feel needed like before.

So, um, yea. The hay burner has been blamed for every thing from dirty floors, lack of underwear, and my being unable to go for hikes because I fell off and sprained my ankle.

:lol:
 
#8 ·
I come with the horse(s). I have a job that's good enough I can support them and myself without a SO. That's my deal is that I don't need anyone and if they raise a fuss about the horses I will always choose the horses above them.
How I knew my current (non horsey) bf was serious is he showed up to a horse show. He knows the above to be true as well and is actually likes spending time at the barn with all the animals and the outside. He rode once hahaha.
So no, my horses don't get in the way of my relationship any more than my job, my research, my personality or anything else does.
Of course there are days when I wish I could see my bf more often but then when we go on a vacation I miss my horse! I like having both in my life so I balance them and they like each other (especially when carrots are involved) so everything works put. Relationships are about compromising. He compromises when I'm with the horses and I compromise when I'm skipping the barn for him. My favorite compromise is when he's at the barn with me :P
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#9 ·
I told my hubby, well gave him an idea of how expensive horses were going to be, he'll say something every now and then, but for the most part, hes fine with it. He knows that my barn time is my time to get away, and just "my thing", his is going to the gym and working out. We have worked out a great understanding, and although we dont see eachother for a good amount of time each day, due to our schedules being opposite, everything works out great! :D
 
  • Like
Reactions: digggin
#10 ·
No, he gripes sometimes about always going to horse shows but I told him long ago I would always pick the horse first. Harsh but true. He comes from a barrel racing family, and we ever met at a show. So he gets it mostly.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#11 ·
Nope, my horse addiction saved my marriage. Before I got my horse, my husband and I did everything together and believe me, I absolutely adore my husband but after knowing eachother 20 years and being married for 13 of them, we need alone time so about 10 years ago, he got into restoring a classic car and I found myself spending a lot of time alone in the house waiting for him to finish what he was doing and spend time with me. Now that I have my horse, while he is working on his car, I am out at the barn working on my riding :) It's nice to have a place to escape to that is strictly "me time" and I am not breathing down his neck while he's in the garage working under the hood. I think it actually made us love eachother that much more so thank goodness for my horse and my barn time :)
 
#13 ·
The horse came after the relationship. When I told him I wanted to buy one, he looked shocked and was silent for a while, but ended up saying, "If it makes you happy." When that horse bucked me off and I broke my ankle, he refused to allow me to give up. He knew how much I wanted the horsey life, and now he enjoys going to the farm to see my current horse, Smoke. They have man-time... Smoke snoozes while Jon brushes him. It's adorable. Bf hopes to have his own horse someday.

So glad I found a guy who tolerates my obsession, and even more than that, a guy who I converted into a horsey person! Muah haha.:twisted:
 
#14 ·
Not now, my husband is into the same things. We both love roping and ranch rodeos. He isn't into showing but he completely supports me in doing so. But we can get along doing those things together. He don't tell me how to ride my horses and I don't tell him how to ride his! We respect each other opinions and pick each others brains, but we don't get pushy with our opinions.
He never complains if I want to spend the money to go ride with a trainer, if anything he encourages me. And I encourage him to do things that I may not be interested in doing. It is all about balance.

Before I was married and dating, it was an issue. I don't think of horses as a hobby it is my lifestyle.
 
  • Like
Reactions: digggin
#15 ·
Never. Everyone I have ever met or gone out with, I tell them immediately the horses will always come first and f they can't accept that, I won't cry over them leaving.
 
#16 ·
Awww c'mon peeps! Surely there most be someone else on this forum that went out on a Tuesday night after work and bought a horse without first discussing it with their S.O. ? (NOT husband. S.O.)

Am I the only one that did not come with a horse but has had to try and acclimate the other to my newly purchased horse?

On the bright side of things, my dog (who is a terror and I am ready to bury in a shallow hole in the backyard) and my precious kitty are NEVER complained about. I brought those into the relationship and he gladly feeds, pets, and cares for them.

Of course, he is not AFRAID of them.
 
#18 ·
Well :rofl:

Me and my Mom do EVERYTHING without telling my dad. We've bought cars, trailers, tvs, concert/movie tickets, training, saddles....We once brought home two new horses (Costing us around $20,000) and we just threw them in with the others and he never noticed until we told him. :rofl:
 
  • Like
Reactions: glam1 and QOS
#19 ·
Hahaha I didn't quite go out after work but I called hubby from barn (he was out of town for a week). At the time, I was leasing Duke and they were giving poor lil Hunter away and I felt so sorry for the scrawny little Palomino. It was funny, when I first called him I was like.. hunny???? uh oh he says. Well its about a horse... By the time he came home Hunter was mine lol. He has been awesome, bought the trailer, bought me a new saddle last year. Built a paddock up at our property so I could bring him with us. Never been a problem. He loves Hunter and when we buy a place locally he will get his own horse.

The dog on the other hand..... She was there first and he hates her. I think he is jealous I dunno. He does walk her after work every day though.
 
#20 ·
Blugh. Yes. The "get out and have a hobby away from your boyfriend" was good. At first. But the "getting out" consisted of driving an hour out of Los Angeles and back every time I want to ride. Now I want to move somewhere either closer to the stables or to a place with a barn, but he's stubbornly in love with the city. And I'm stubbornly in love with my horses, lol.
 
#21 ·
I had horses before i married and no they dont get in the way of our relationship.He knew when he married me horse was part of the package. He does golfing and fishing so he spends time away doing those things. Plus he works late because of job so when iam out riding hes not home any way. He helps fence build barns and unload hay and even puts out hay bales in winter for me. Once in a while he grips about the horses but he knows they are my life and hobbie. Plus i have a 14 year old daughter that rides with me shes just as horse crazy as iam. In the summer my daughter and i are out in the barn till 12am or later we like to ride at night. I hope when my daughter leaves home he will take up riding other wise i will be riding alone. Iam lucky we have our own place with some land so my horses are out my back door. If i had to board i would only have one horse.
 
#23 ·
i had my horses long before i met my boyfriend, but my sister was taking care of them full time. I moved away for college (and met my bf there) and would only go home every few months or so. When i graduated i moved back home and took full responsibility for of them.

We visit each other often but it's still a tough long distance relationship. Made tougher by the fact that I don't want to ever leave my horses. It's not that i miss them exactly lol, i just feel so guilty. We don't have a run in so they are stabled at night. I know someone who will feed them but nothing else really... so they would likely be stabled all day. They are well behaved horses but they test people, and the only person i could get to turn them out is not very experienced and lets them walk all over him x__x

If i ever decide to take a trip to go see him, I'm stressing the whole time and i usually only end up staying a couple days. I like it better when he can visit me instead. We do end up arguing about how much time i need to spend with them.
 
#24 ·
Dog was already there, and the horse I bought after we started dating. My bf is completely non-horse, is scared of Leo, and was also a bit scared of my old dog. But as long as it makes me happy, it's all good with him.
He's bored out of his mind at the barn, but will patiently videotape for me if I ask him. I think the fact that he was there for the moments that are so important to me (e.g. getting Leo) makes him feel included.
It goes both ways, I spend the occasional afternoon at the airfield taking pictures of planes for him and patiently istening to conversations about engines...
I agree that having time to ourselves and doing what each of us enjoys is very important, and I actually don't think I'd even want a guy that's 100% interested in the same things as me. We ARE two separate people after all...
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#25 ·
haha my hrose gypsy actually caused me and my ex to break up. i was dating him before i got her and he got mad that i spent so much time with her. [before i got her i had scout and was riding 2-8 horses a day so its not like it was a surprise]. i told him if he didnt like it he could get out and he did. never regretted it for a second. my current boyfriend isnt horsey, but loves gypsy and he knows if he wants to have me as his gf he has to put up with her and me talking about her =]
 
#26 ·
I had a horse when Honey Darling Precious and I got married. 6 months later I lost my job in economic downturn of the early 80's. Horse went to my brother in law. I was a sahm for years then went to work as the kids got older. Three and a half years ago I told HDP I was getting another horse (mind you, the man golfs, loves to play blackjack at the casinos, has a 2003 100 Year Anniversary Harley Davidson Heritage Softail at the time and now has a pool table and plays pool tournaments) and he said No :shock: Yeah...I wasn't asking sweet cheeks....I was just letting you know what I was going to do.

He had a few hissies but went with me looking for a horse. A few more hissies but he rode Red more than me at first. I bought him a horse 5 months later and we now ride together. We go horse camping with a group every month but I pay for all horsey expenses and spend way more time with the horses than he does.

Horses are NEVER going anywhere ever again. I was without them for 26 years and NEVER stopped wanting one.

If he still had a problem with it, it would be HIS problem and I wouldn't make it mine. My horses are my only "indulgence" and not one that I am giving up no matter what!!!
 
#27 ·
I was married in Jan of 09, I was horseless at the time. Now i'm a stay at home mom with very few friends. Hubby got a new job in July. I started talking about wanting a horse to get me out if the house more, and give him more me time ( with no friends I was always wanting his attention. So when Paddy came up for sale around Christmas time, there was no argument, we found the cash for him and hay. It was a great anniversary gift. Since then, he has bought himself a used truck ( for hauling hay you know ) and a quad with a plow blade, so he can clean the pasture.... And he actually comes at feeding time when he isn't working, and he cleans the pasture and helps out way more then I thought he would. A horse has helped our relationship out, a little so far, but in the long run, I think immensely. he still has his hobbies, but now I have my own. And I love him for it!
Posted via Mobile Device
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top