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Friend or not?

2K views 16 replies 8 participants last post by  mypets 
#1 ·
I recently met a new person who enjoys horses, has some knowledge of them and we seemed to click as friends. I have two horses so I invited this person over a few times to get to know them better. They seemed to enjoy hanging out with me and I had fun too. Then, they recently got their own horse. Now I'm not hearing from them at all. I realize that they want to spend time with their own horse but I'm feeling forgotten. I don't want to be pushy and be the one who tries to keep in contact if they don't want to so I'm not making much of an attempt to call them. While I'm happy for them to have gotten their first horse, I'm feeling like the friendship has gone by the wayside. I'd like to keep the door open on this to let this person know that if they still want to be friends, I'd like that but I'm having a hard time knowing just how to do that. Anyone else have a situation like this? What did you do and how did it turn out?
 
#4 ·
Well why not call them and invite them out on a trail ride? Or text and ask how the new horse is doing?
Sometimes people use others to get a "Fix" then as soon as they get their own "thing" they go their own way. I've had some "friends" like that. Or they could just be busy, hope they reach out soon if you don't!
 
#5 ·
I'd like to give this person time to get to know their new horse. I don't want to seem pushy. I left things open with them and I think I just need to be patient and wait to see if they contact me when they're ready. Because of other issues I can't trail ride right now so asking them to ride is not a possibility. I have a small group of "horsey friends" and I'm always looking to include someone else because we have a lot of fun hanging out together, not necessarily riding. I guess I'm just feeling a bit left out is all.
 
#7 ·
It sounds like that your friend is just caught up in the excitement of owning their own horse. I am betting that they are spending all of their free time at the barn right now. Call your friend. Ask how they are getting on with their new horse. Your friend will probably be more than willing to talk your ears off about that subject. I certainly don't think anyone would consider that pushy.
 
#11 ·
Just give it some time....I used to be like that, but sometimes you never know what's going on in someone's life...I remember being mad at someone for not returning my call, and I wasn't going to 'lower' myself by continually trying to get in contact with this person.....eventually I found out that her mom had passed away in an accident....I was feeling like a real schmuck!:cry:
 
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#10 ·
Im sorry! That sucks when that happens but better to have the friendship deteriorate at the beginning then later on when more is invested. Even though she got her first horse and is probably in ga ga heaven it really doesnt take alot of effort or time to shoot a quick text or email saying hello. Maybe she didnt feel the click as you did but why wait to blow someone off till after you get your own horse. Sounds maybe like you fulfilled her horsey fix till she had means to fulfill her own.

Ive had at least three one sided friendships before and it sucks and it is a blow. I might be waaay off but Ive thought people were friends and overall cool people then slowing find out they wers just selfish people. And Im not a clingy friend or needy. I dont have to talk to you everyday or week but I just hate finding out someone was fake and putting up a front.

Sorry if Im off on this! :)
 
#13 ·
Don't get mad. It will eat you up. You'll be mad at yourself later for wasting so much energy being mad or disappointed about it. Don't burn the bridge right now, because if you do that you'll need an awfully big ship later:lol:
 
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#14 ·
True.... but is also ok to feel let down and disappointed. Im not saying be rude or unkind to her but to act as if your not hurt and welcoming her as a friend again without any reservations is like saying "Sure pick me up and drop me whenever its convenient for you and your needs". Dont sulk or wait around cause it will only make you bitter but to feel it and learn what you want and deserve in a friend is the key.

Yes something could have come up. Yes she could be busy. Yes she could be spending every free moment with her new guy. All is great and is her prerogative but it takes less than 5 minutes before bed to type an email to someone to say hello. When you know someone was opening their home and barn to you you show consideration to that fellow person especially if you honestly were trying to establish friendship and not just satisfy your own needs.

You could "what if" all day about what may be happening with her for her to not respond to your email and have not contact still but that is a waste of your time and energy. Enjoy the true friends you have and appreciate the respect and consideration they give you.

Oh and one last thing...... Maybe she didnt feel a friendship connections which is completly fine. You can't make someone be your friend but from the info you have given is what leads me to lean toward my opinion. I always try to be good, caring, loyal friend and even acquaintance. I believe some of the same dynamics apply to friendships as marriages. You show respect you get respect. You consideration you get consideration. You give and you get. You think of the others feelings not just your own. If both parties show it then the good times will come rolling in but if theres a lack on one side or the other it needs to be worked on or changed.
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#15 ·
I agree with you fkcb1988. I am definitely not waiting around to hear from her. If she doesn't have 5 min. for me then she's probably not the kind of person I want for a friend anyway. I'm not bitter or mad, more hurt that she turned out to be this kind of person. If anything, I'm disappointed that I misjudged her and her intentions. If she does contact me in future, I plan to be cordial but not offer to be anything else. I am truly busy running not only my own business but also a business I co-own and yet I find the time to touch base with my friends. Since she was a new acquaintance, I can only judge her by her actions, which say to me that she does not care to continue to try to build a friendship with me. That's ok. Moving on.
 
#17 ·
why do you feel sorry for me? I tried to offer her friendship, she apparently doesn't want it. I'm moving on with my life. There are other new friends out there I just haven't met yet! I'm looking forward to meeting them! Feel sorry for her, she's missing out on a great friendship!
 
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