In social situations, there are so many variables to know why someone really acts the way they do. First of all, give her the benefit of the doubt... maybe she was having a bad day, maybe she is just expressing her concerns in a way that could be worded more politely. But regardless of what is going on in her life, you need to do two things. One point: keep in mind that you shouldn't be rude even if someone is rude to you. There is one kind of firmness that is standing up for yourself and there is another that is not very moral. I look at things from a "what would Jesus do" standpoint. I'm not saying you aren't, and I'm not saying that you were rude, but I am saying that for anyone, in a complicated situation like this, keep that rule in mind. Another thing is... you need to do what is best for your horse. It's one thing to have one farrier work a little better than another, okay. But it's one thing to have someone hurt your horse, cause them issues, do things for the money, and have a good time in the face of someone else's agony. NO. That can't happen, so I applaud you for being knowledgeable enough and cautious enough and brave enough to go against the grain and do this. While I do not know the situation so I can't validly say, I would assume that the farrier and the barn owner have some sort of deal worked out and that is probably why she is so frustrated.. Well, you explained that yourself, so you know that much. I do feel as though since she is the barn owner, you could approach her and tell her in a polite and respectful way that the other farrier was damaging your horse's hooves, and that you would like to try another farrier. You did the right thing by helping rather than hurting your horse, although I do feel as though for the future it might be good to have your barn owner aware of the situation ahead of time, especially if the barn is small/private. I personally don't feel as though it is your responsibility to organize a deal between farrier and barn owner, since you are only the customer. This could be a debatable situation. Since I am in no way a legal consultant or even a horse person with decades of experience like some folks are, please don't take my opinion verbatim, but rather learn from it if you are willing to take my perspective. What I can certainly tell you, though, is that you are not a bad person and not wrong for taking the initiative to leading your horse to a better life. But, like I said, who knows... maybe your BO was having a horrible day. We never know what goes on behind closed doors, and that's a lesson that can be applied to everyone, everywhere. Take care.
God bless, englishaqh (: