Some of these comments make my head hurt. I've been trained by multiple trainers at huge hunter/jumper barns that you are supposed to do trot poles and canter poles before you start jumping. When you start trotting crosspoles, put trot poles in front of the jump to help the horse find it's spacing; same with cantering the jump. I find it absurd that anyone would expect a green horse to find the strides in a grid when the horse hasn't even learned it's own stride yet, much less how to adjust it's stride. The trainers I've had working with when my Arab was green over fences, always adjusted the courses to his stride until they felt him able to adjust his stride on his own.
Everyone has their own training practices, and the OP has her own trainer. She learned a lot from what happened, and when she feels comfortable enough with herself and her horse I'm sure her and her trainer will stop adjusting grids to fit her Arab's stride. I feel like some of the things said were straight up judgmental and rude when nobody knows the OP or has seen her ride. Nobody is a perfect rider, and a real horse person knows darn well that NOBODY knows everything about horses and riding. Every ride is a learning experience.
Whenever my Arab would consider refusing something, I would make him even walk over the jump. Sometimes if I'm just that frustrated with a ride, it's not a bad idea to kick it down a few notches, and do something easy to end it on a good note rather than pushing myself when I'm frustrated and frustrating my horse to the point where it's near impossible to end on a good note; just start fresh the next ride. I think the OP did the right thing by trying to do something easier rather than irritate herself and her mare further when neither felt comfortable enough with what they were doing.
And OP, congrats on your good lesson today =]
Last edited by JustImagine; 02-12-2013 at 10:56 PM.