So I think I have decided not to keep my horse. He's a three year old Standardbred I got on a years trial/lease from a Standardbred rehoming organisation. I've been out of horses for around three years, and I stopped riding before because I lost my confidence after a couple of bad falls. I thought that if I got a young horse and worked with it, as I got to know it my confidence would come back (I've worked with young ones before). This weekend I was "commandeered" by my Pony Club as they were in desperate need to have another associate rider and they supplied me with a horse and everything. He was a nice 14.2hh Quarter Horse, a little goey but overall a great horse. It took all my confidence to get on that horse, and if people hadn't been there watching me I don't know if I would have got on. Even on the second and third day it took a lot for me to get back on. Once I got to know the horse, and rode a bit I felt better and it all kept getting easier. I realised that I'm never going to have enough confidence to ride a young, untrained horse. Even if I got him broken I don't think I would ever feel safe enough to ride.
Samson is great, and he's been ready to get on for about a month or so now, but I keep putting it off. I've done heaps of groundwork, he wears all his gear, pretty well voice commanded but I just can't seem to get on. I feel bad about giving him back, but I don't think I'll ever be able to do anything with him. Even if he gets sent away for training, or I get an instructor I don't want to get on a 3 year old, or a four year old, regardless of training. I just don't feel safe enough anymore. So I am thinking I'll give him back, and at least he has put on weight, is looking great and is very easy to handle (so hopefully he'll get a good home) and save for maybe 6 months and then I can buy a horse with solid basic training, maybe one that has done stock work or something, heaps of trails or PC. Just something more quiet and experienced.
Do you think I am making the right decision? Its really hard for me to say I'm afraid to ride, but I guess I am.