GR! MY HORSE, NOT YOURS! *rant* - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 31 Old 04-21-2010, 12:33 PM Thread Starter
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Location: NW Ontario, Canada
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GR! MY HORSE, NOT YOURS! *rant*

Sorry, I must rant.

I am the proud owner of Murray, the TB/QH gelding and he is one of my treasures, along with my dog Miya and rabbit Starlight. They are my babies.

Now, my dad likes to come to the barn without telling me, and spoils my horse like it was his. He even calls Murray "my boy" all the time! I went to the barn yesterday and my brushes were NOT cleaned! Turns out, he went to the barn on Sunday without telling me, brushed him and was about to take him out on a trail ride but didn't.

I have Murray on a strict English riding ONLY routine, as he was a trail horse and I would like to do some small English shows with Murray. My dad rode Western in the 70s, and ALWAYS tries to ride Murray Western when I DO let him ride. Arms wiggling the reins, legs kicking him! Arugh!

As much as I want to yell at him for trying to take over my horse, I can't. I would MUCH prefer him to ASK me before anything dealing with my horse, and NOT to call him his horse since Murray is rightfully mine (bought and paid for by me). Also to RESPECT my rules with my horse (no random treats at all!) and to keep my equipment clean!

/rant. Thanks to those who read it. Nice to spill it out.

Grooming - The fine art of brushing the dirt from one's horse and applying it to your own body.
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post #2 of 31 Old 04-21-2010, 01:20 PM
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I hate it too. When I was laid up with my accident, my hubby was taking care of the horse I had then when it was just too painful to ride in a car. It wasn't very often...but still. By the time I could go out there every day, he was basically doing the same thing your dad is doing. To the point where when we both went out there, Ty was going to my husband instead of coming to me. VERY IRRITATING!!!!
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post #3 of 31 Old 04-21-2010, 01:22 PM
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I think you should (in a very calm, mature manner) bring up your concerns with your dad.
I have a few points to make:
- when I'm working with a horse that isn't mine, I will often say "that's my good boy/girl" without even thinking about it. I don't mean anything by saying "my," it just comes out.
- I know with my dad, he's not very horsey, but he tries very very hard to make it important to him, because it's important to me. Perhaps your dad is trying to do the same. I would be just over the moon thrilled if my dad went to the barn to spend some quality time with a horse near and dear to me, without me.
- Have you explained to your dad why you don't like to give treats to your horse? Lots of people do give treats without even thinking - it's human nature. If he is told why you don't like giving your horse treats, perhaps he might be more understanding? Or (if this isn't a health issue for your horse) maybe you two could reach a happy-medium by saying "treats only given in his feeder/special treat bucket."
- Don't sweat the small stuff. Grooming equipment gets dirty, it's the nature of the beast. Instead of getting mad that your grooming supplies are dirty, I would be inclined to suggest thanking your dad for grooming your horse.
- I can understand not wanting someone to yahoo around on your horse - completely understandable... how about teaching your dad how to ride English properly, or suggest taking western lessons? Instead of making it a bad thing for him to ride at all, I would suggest turning it into some positive time together.

I suspect that he's trying to get closer to you, and he knows how important your horses are to you. Personally, I would be just elated if my dad wanted to spend any time at all at the barn with me anymore; that part of our relationship fell off the face of the earth when I got my license, car, and moved out, and I'm terribly sad about it. This is just my train of thought stemming from my personal experiences.


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post #4 of 31 Old 04-21-2010, 01:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by charlicata View Post
I hate it too. When I was laid up with my accident, my hubby was taking care of the horse I had then when it was just too painful to ride in a car. It wasn't very often...but still. By the time I could go out there every day, he was basically doing the same thing your dad is doing. To the point where when we both went out there, Ty was going to my husband instead of coming to me. VERY IRRITATING!!!!
Call me silly, but I think this is just too sweet.... Your hubby took such good care of your horse when you were laid up that the horse really likes him now... I'm having a hard time finding anything wrong here... maybe it's just me.


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post #5 of 31 Old 04-21-2010, 01:32 PM
mls
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On the other hand - it's great to have family who supports our endeavors. So many on here that complain their family doesn't understand the love of the horse.
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post #6 of 31 Old 04-21-2010, 01:37 PM
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Good responses. Seriously I LOVE it when my dad wants to ride or pays any attn to my horses. Who cares if he isn't a perfect rider? And if my boyfriend (or hubby) took care of my horses enough that the horse was happy to see him? I would be over the moon. As it is my dad is pretty cool about the horse thing (he used to be a horse person). My boyfriend would be happier if I sold them. Now that sucks.
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post #7 of 31 Old 04-21-2010, 01:42 PM
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What JDI and MLS said!

Why get mad! Why waste your energy being mad?

I love the way JDI looked at things.

And really, how much will it hurt if your dad rides western? I am guessing your horses English Only riding will not be hurt one bit by your dad riding western. Horses can figure these things out.

And I think it is adorable, charlicata, that your horse and your hubby got close. I totally can not see anything bad in that.

I would be so tickled pink if any of my family members could just remember the name of my horses, one of which I have had for 13 years now.

It scares me the number of people that post that they are mad over things like this.

Edit to add: MNT posted while I was typing, add her to my list of people I agree with.
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post #8 of 31 Old 04-21-2010, 01:54 PM
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You should feel lucky. My dad has never even seen me ride. I'm 17and I've been ridding since I was 9, and I've owned a horse since I was 13. I'm the only one in my family that has any thing to do with pore sona. My mom can't even get the halter on her she always puts it on upside down first then thinks...wait that's not right. The guy I bored with calls her his girl, and he says that when I move her I'm going to steell his horse. All he does is feed her and play with her. I think you are just looking at this all wrong. Maybe you should go out to the barn with you dad and show him the way that you take care of him and ask him if he could do it that way?
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post #9 of 31 Old 04-21-2010, 02:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alwaysbehind View Post
And really, how much will it hurt if your dad rides western? I am guessing your horses English Only riding will not be hurt one bit by your dad riding western. Horses can figure these things out.
Ah, I knew I forgot a point, thank you AB. Personally, I see no harm in a horse being crosstrained - it's good for their minds, and expands their education. Other than the weight difference, a horse has no clue what a Western saddle means versus an English saddle.


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post #10 of 31 Old 04-21-2010, 02:25 PM
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Everyone else has taken the words right out of my mouth. I think it might be good to step outside yourself and look at the situation from the other side. As JDI pointed out, I suspect your father may be looking for an "in" - to be met with the hostility that is coming through your post would likely slam that door shut and be incredibly hurtful to him. Take what you see as negatives and approach them from a positive perspective or, at the very least, address the concerns in the least hostile way you can. I am not negating the points you made, only offering that there is another side or that they can be turned into positives. A horse can never be loved by too many people.
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