Guiltyness
 
 

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Guiltyness

This is a discussion on Guiltyness within the Horse Talk forums, part of the Keeping and Caring for Horses category
  • Why guiltyness occurs?
  • How to avoid guiltyness

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    01-12-2012, 08:32 PM
  #1
Yearling
Guiltyness

So some of you know a while ago I had an incident with Muss where I was lunging him in an open space and he bolted when I tried to put him in a canter he turned his head away, bolted and ran through 3 electric fences and jumped a barbed wire, faceplanted got caught in the wire then ripped free and ran around the paddock.
I've felt so guilty, if I hadnt tried to lunge him he would never have got hurt. It's my fault and one of my friends wont let me forget it.Everytime I try and stop blaming myself he always says something to make me remember it all and feel so awful again. Hell I'm at the point where I'm thinking I should just sell my horse so that he can get a better owner that knows how to do the stuff I don't know and doesnt get hurt because of their screwups. We've had some good times so far, he's my first horse and its so much different from just riding the horses at ponyclub. I just don't know what to do.
Sorry for my little rant kinda thing, I just really had to get this off my chest
     
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    01-12-2012, 08:45 PM
  #2
Yearling
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayz    
So some of you know a while ago I had an incident with Muss where I was lunging him in an open space and he bolted when I tried to put him in a canter he turned his head away, bolted and ran through 3 electric fences and jumped a barbed wire, faceplanted got caught in the wire then ripped free and ran around the paddock.
I've felt so guilty, if I hadnt tried to lunge him he would never have got hurt. It's my fault and one of my friends wont let me forget it.Everytime I try and stop blaming myself he always says something to make me remember it all and feel so awful again. Hell I'm at the point where I'm thinking I should just sell my horse so that he can get a better owner that knows how to do the stuff I don't know and doesnt get hurt because of their screwups. We've had some good times so far, he's my first horse and its so much different from just riding the horses at ponyclub. I just don't know what to do.
Sorry for my little rant kinda thing, I just really had to get this off my chest
Friends don't make you feel bad for accidents. That's why they are accidents. I would honestly tell him to knock it off, tell him exactly what you just said here, you already feel bad enough without him being on you about it. Unless he has never made a mistake, then he has no right.

The second part, about selling the horse. NO owner that you find will be perfect. No owner is perfect. It is just not possible. Everyone makes mistakes, and every horse gets hurt, its just a matter of time and severity. Do not sell your horse based on that, trust me, there are WAY worse situations he could be in.He is fed, watered, and cared for with you, that is not guaranteed somewhere else.

Be happy your horse has recovered, learn from your mistake, and forgive yourself. I still blame myself for my horse dying young, but it was an accident. I can reason and "what if" all day long, but it won't do me any good. It won't bring her back, so I remember that I did my best, and she had a good life.

Cherish your horse, be happy he survived the accident, forgive yourself, and move on.
sandy2u1, Tayz, Kayty and 3 others like this.
     
    01-12-2012, 08:46 PM
  #3
Yearling
We all make mistakes, and we all learn from our mistakes. In fact, making mistakes is the best way to learn in my opinion! Ignore your "friend". It's not very considerate of him to keep bringing it up. It is normal to feel guilty, anyone would! But it wasn't your fault really, just a bad day and one of those things that happens. Like I said, we all learn. Don't sell your horse! Yes it's a big change to pony club but we all start somewhere!
     
    01-12-2012, 08:48 PM
  #4
Showing
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayz    
So some of you know a while ago I had an incident with Muss where I was lunging him in an open space and he bolted when I tried to put him in a canter he turned his head away, bolted and ran through 3 electric fences and jumped a barbed wire, faceplanted got caught in the wire then ripped free and ran around the paddock.
I've felt so guilty, if I hadnt tried to lunge him he would never have got hurt. It's my fault and one of my friends wont let me forget it.Everytime I try and stop blaming myself he always says something to make me remember it all and feel so awful again. Hell I'm at the point where I'm thinking I should just sell my horse so that he can get a better owner that knows how to do the stuff I don't know and doesnt get hurt because of their screwups. We've had some good times so far, he's my first horse and its so much different from just riding the horses at ponyclub. I just don't know what to do.
Sorry for my little rant kinda thing, I just really had to get this off my chest

Your horse is fine.. you're fine. I think you got out of a hairy situation really well.

Your friend isn't being a good friend right now by making you feel guilty.. are you sure that's his intention or are you just taking his comments that way?

It'll be alright. Just start again with your horse when you can, start with the basics in a nice rope halter. Lunge him in an inclosed space (not an open one) maybe even on a lunge line as long as you don't have it dragging on the floor)

Your intention wasn't to hurt the horse.. he just made a poor decision and got hurt as a result of being a little fresh.

Blaming yourself is just going to eat away every ounce of happiness that comes into your life. You need to forgive yourself, as I'm sure your horse has already forgiven you.

There have been times other horses push each other into fences or whatnot. They might get hurt but they still are buds after all of the stitches and whatnot, haha. It's alright

He's okay, you're okay.. it's okay.
     
    01-12-2012, 09:06 PM
  #5
Showing
Your "friend" is enjoying his power trip. If you continue to beat yourself up over what happened it means you are liable to let the horse walk all over you instead of being firm and demanding respect. That doesn't mean hitting the horse, it means moving him out of your space and not patting him if he seems spooky as that doesn't soothe him but rewards him. If you can afford it hire a trainer to teach you how to do work with the horse. One good session should leave you with equipped to do groundwork with this horse. You don't need it on a weekly basis but if you can manage monthly you'll still make progress. Be sure to tell "friend" you don't want to hear his negative talk and be as firm with him as you will your horse.
     
    01-12-2012, 09:32 PM
  #6
Trained
Every. Single. Horse. Owner....will make a mistake!!
You can't be perfect. My theory is that every horse you get, you ruin a little less than the last.
So don't feel bad, you learnt from your mistake. I have made lots of blunders in my time, and still make them, just not as frequently and not as badly as I used to. Another 10 years, and hopefully it'll be less again :)

Horses are unpredictable animals, you're never going to keep them safe 24/7. They always find a way to hurt themselves, or you. Sometimes it'll be your fault, doing something that could have been avoided, other times yet, it is just the horse being a horse.

As for your so called 'friend', is he horsey? If not, tell him to stick it. Don't take it to heart, until someone has been in the same situation, they can't criticise.
     
    01-12-2012, 09:41 PM
  #7
Green Broke
I agree, with all above. All horse owners make mistakes - it's part of owning horses and learning. To learn, we have to make mistakes.

Your 'friend', is obviously not being a very good friend if they are not willing to encourage you to keep working with your horse. Even through your issues and bad times. Although, maybe your friend doesn't realise what they are doing. You could always talk to him and say something like -

Hey, I know I made a mistake with my horse, but maybe you could stop bringing it up. Because, it makes me feel really bad when you do.

But remember, don't feel bad. It wasn't like you you were to go out and lunge your horse with the intentions of these results occurring. No, it was an accident. Accident's are not anyone's fault. You learnt something from this experience, make things better by using what you learned in the future. Don't feel bad, I'm sure many people have worse stories!

Quote:
ac·ci·dent/ˈaksidənt/
Noun:
An unfortunate incident that happens unexpectedly and unintentionally, typically resulting in damage or injury.
Tayz likes this.
     
    01-12-2012, 11:04 PM
  #8
Weanling
Tell him you are tired of hearing it. Just say it matter of fact and not defensive. Tell him you don't need to hear it any more.

We all make mistakes. If we gave up our horses cause we did, none of us would be horse owners. Chalk it up to a learning experience.
     
    01-13-2012, 01:02 PM
  #9
Started
Hahaha if this was me at the age of 10 I would of kicked him between the legs pointed and laughed bc I was a devil child and to add so I don't sound mean I was a tomboy growing up and me and the boys fought all the time(we thought it was fun to hurt eachother, why I donot know) . But since we are grow ups I would nicely glare at him and tell him to back off, and if you have nothing encouraging to say to me then don't say anything because I am not interested.
And so you know everyone makes mistakes , were humans its natural lol:). Hell do you think muss or any horse thinks oh I just did something wrong (wasnt listening) and hurt my human because of it... oh I feel horrible.. haha no they get over it and are ready to be your friend again because they trust you. :) keep up with your mistakes and your learning adventures it will make you a better person.
Skyseternalangel likes this.
     
    01-13-2012, 01:10 PM
  #10
Trained
Keep the horse, bin the so called friend.

If I gave up every time I made a mistake then I wouldn't have any horses, and nor would anyone else.
     

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