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3K views 32 replies 20 participants last post by  alexischristina 
#1 ·
I'm sorry don't think I'm doing this right! anyway
my dad lost his job about two years ago, and now we're living of benefits. I think I should give up riding to save money, but I really don't want to. I know it sounds selfish, I'm the eldest of four and I should be trying to help, but horse riding right now is the only thing that makes me happy! I HATE my school I have no friends and there's not much to do where I live.

I really want to be an eventer. I've been riding since I was three and I'm now thirteen. if I stop riding it could be a major setback! I'm already riding with fifteen year olds, and if I stop it will give a chance for other children my age to catch up, and its the fact that my riding teacher thinks I'm good enough to ride with fifteen year olds that drives me to do better and gives me that competitive edge. if I stop for a while and have to be in lessons with children my own age I think I might lose my drive and competitive edge! what should I do?
 
#2 ·
I admire your drive, but unfortunately when times are tough, sacrifice is a part of life. Ride for yourself and don't worry about anyone else. When I had kids, I stopped riding for near five years.....have only been back at it for five months and feel just about back t where I was when I stopped.........
 
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#7 ·
I'm in the boat of "thats life". What's more important, putting food on the table for 5/6 or horseback riding? Currently I had to give up my riding lessons, but school comes first. My mom couldn't afford lessons as a kid but I stayed horse obcessed until I was able to afford lesson. It really isn't going to "put you behind". Horseback riding is a skill and comes in levels, not age groups. If its different at your barn I would question that. I teach 7 year olds that are more advanced then 13 or 30 year olds.

If you want to keep riding I'd say buy a nice pair of muck boots and get to shoveling poo, cleaning and filling buckets and tacking for lessons. There is ALWAYS something to be learned in the horse world, and not everything is from the back if the horse, hardwork and sacrifice being among those lessons.
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#12 ·
That's a great question. Sometimes parents are willing to sacrifice for the goals of their children and this may be something that is important to them, to be able to give you this.

That being said, it would be great if you could figure out a way to take the burden off of them and to ensure the other three children in your family are not missing out on something because of your more expensive hobby.

One thing that you could look into is a "free" lease, which would be someone that needs an excersize rider or someone that is looking to trade a little riding time for some stall cleaning. Alot of times you can find that at a barn or a private home.

I have a couple teenagers that school a couple of my horses and sometimes I haul them to lessons or shows to kind of thank them for it. I don't ask for money or chores but many people will. Money is obviously out for you but chores would be a good exchange.

As a teen, I cleaned stalls in exchange for lessons from a private lady....

Just a thought.
 
#11 ·
People have already given you some good advice. I personally didn't start riding until I turned 18 (6 years ago-literally the month I turned 18) and could afford to pay for lessons myself and not have to deal with any liability issues being underage. My parent's refused to pay for lessons for me, and have never helped me pay for any horsey things. They never had a ton of extra money, and they were the type that said I'd grow out of the horse crazy thing.

If stopping your lessons isn't totally necessary to their finances, what about if you start taking lessons every other week to cut the cost in half? And think about other ways you can help them with money. Any other activities that you're willing to give up that cost them money? Even stuff that uses up their vehicle's gas. Any clothes, electronics, etc that your parents buy you routinely that you can go without? I know 13 yrs old is a hard time to make money.

If your family really does need the lesson money- turning 16 really isn't that far away. And around here, you can get a real job at certain places when you turn 14 (like fast food restaurants). Being involved with horses is a lifelong learning experience and stopping lessons for a time won't affect that. Look around at other barns to see if they'll let you come hang around their horses/help with chores, which may or may not lead to riding time or lessons. Read and learn from books or online from souces like this forum. See if you can watch other people's lessons at your current barn. Watching lessons is a very good way of learning more. If it's within their means, ask for something horsey for you birthday and christmas. Like some lessons or a paying to go to a horse camp.
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#13 ·
go find a baby sitting job, post a notice in the local feed store, stalls cleaned call . I worked for my first horse, I babysat, I cleaned horse pens, i mowed lawns, weeded flower beds. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. TImes are tough and are probably gonna get worse. Many adults do not have jobs, and are scrimping ot make ends meet. get creative, find some chore to do for people to get paid. Maybe in a month you will have $$ for one lesson. You will learn to appreciate things much more, if you work for it.
 
#14 ·
The benefits should be enough to keep your head well above water. Unless your Dad has asked you to stop, or has implied it, I'd keep doing it (but stay on your Dad's good side - helping around the house Etc haha)

If he has asked you, maybe you could get a paper round or a small job, like watering an elderly neighbour's plants for a few pounds, and ride maybe twice a month instead of 4 times?

Hopefully your Dad will get a new job soon anyway, I know times are tough but he wouldn't want you to give up the one good thing
 
#15 ·
I think my parents are trying to keep it quiet (about the money) they havnt said anything about horse riding and money, but I think they really want me to stop, they just don't have the heart to say it. plus if I stop now I think my mum might actually stop pushing me away, I think she blames me for my dad losing his job. as for finding another stables, I can't all the other stables are livery yards! my skills might not decrease but they won't increase I'll have to spend time catching up on things I missed rather than learning new things.
 
#20 ·
You may have said and I missed it but may I ask how old you are?
And why do you think your Mom would blame you for your Dad losing his job? I feel sure you are mistaken on that.
Your Mom may be very worried about things so maybe kinda shut into herself and that makes you feel that she is pushing you away?

I really would suggest you sit down with your Mom and/or with your Dad and tell them how you feel about this. Just ask them also if you need to give up the lessons. If they say yes then it's the right thing to do to help your family through this. If they say no then you can continue to enjoy your lessons without feeling guilt.
 
#17 ·
Why do you think she blames you for your Dad losing his job? Really, a parent should not blame a child for such things. The economy, surely, is the reason he lost his job. All the recent job cuts, a lot of people have lost their jobs, it isn't your fault! Is there a way that you could start earning your own money? That way they have no say over it (like I said, a paper round, working in a boarding kennels, anywhere that's local) and even if you don't earn much, you could cut your lessons to once every 2 weeks, rather than once a week, that way you won't need as much £. Or you could look on Preloved for local people wanting to share a horse in exchange for stable jobs (although these are rare, and you'd need to get one in walking/cycling distance, so as not to rely on your parents) Where are you based roughly, if you don't mind me asking (I don't mean exact location) You don't have to answer that though if you don't want.
 
#19 ·
horsecrazygirl1;1868664as for finding another stables said:
Your skills might still increase dealing with a different horse. All horses have something to teach us. Spending time on things you missed will also make you a better ride. I can tell you that from experience. I had to learn to ride all over again with my current horse. It has made me a better rider. I don't think their is anything wrong with that. Riding is a life long process.

I am not sure where you live but perhaps you could put an add on craigslist or make a sign in the feed store offering to ride someone horse. I know in my neck of the woods their are people always looking for someone to ride extra horses.
 
#31 ·
Never put anything like this on CL. That is good way to end up on "have you seen this..." posters. Adults end up dead all the time from such foolishness.

And OP, if by benefits, you mean food stamps? Then you need to realize that you at this point can't afford lessons. Period.

Have you asked about cleaning tack, or cleaning office, or even BO's car/truck in exchange for lesson?
 
#21 ·
Are you paying for lessons yourself? If you only have lessons once a week, you could find a job somewhere else, and work somewhere else, all while helping your family and doing what you love. Once you turn 14 you can legally work anywhere (at least in Sask, don't know about where you live)

If your lessons are not expensive, you could do them if that is what you really love.

I don't think I could ever get rid of my horse, or stop doing what I love, I would find a way to make it work, even if it means working 7 days a week to keep my horse and to help my family (I am 15)
 
#22 ·
I check out news paper adverts, and there was only one advert, I applied for it though.
I also looked at adverts for riders needed again only one in my area, the horse is 17h. Do u think a 13 year old 5ft girl could ride a 17h horse? I wouldn't be doing much jumping as the horse has just started working again after an injury.
 
#24 ·
Why can't a 5 foot person ride a 17hh horse? I've ridden plenty that tall and I'm 5'1". Heck, I've put 6 year olds on a 16.3hh percheron Likewise, I've seen many men in 14hh horses. If he can't jump, he can't jump. What's better, not riding at all?
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#23 ·
You're a little too stuck on age. Age has nothing to do with riding ability.

If you're trying to get some sort of riding position, I think you should try something else. No one is going to accept the risk of liability of letting a random 13 year old on their horse. You would have a better shot at finding a place with a lesson program and offering to work a weekend day and get a lesson at the end of the day.
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#26 ·
I think, honestly, they may be a little cautious about a 13 year old riding a horse recovering from an injury. I'm assuming you're from England horsecrazygirl? Have you looked on the preloved website for any free loans / small jobs and errands on their site. It's quite good for things like that. Hope you're okay chick, it sounds like a tough situation.

I started saving for my own horse at 13, I know it's tough. I got a job at a boarding kennels on a saturday morning. It took me 2 years before I could afford my first horse, but it was well worth it! Maybe right now, getting your own horse isn't on the cards, but if you could get a little job on a saturday, you could put your money towards something horsey (riding lessons/loaning a horse/ even buying your own)
 
#27 ·
Really, you've had some fantastic advice. But I will say that the best bit is to sit down and actually talk with your parents. Ask them to give it to you how it is - don't fluff or sugarcoat it. Ask them flat out, ans tell them that while you love riding if there is more important things you are willing to cut down or quit for a bit (It sounds like if you have to you're willing). Offer to maybe go every other week instead, or cut lesson time in half. Riding is what you love but we all have to make sacrifices some times. If you've been riding that long taking some time off won't change anything. But the person you should be talking to is your mom and dad... Internet strangers CAN give you fantastic advice, but we don't know your family situation. They will tell you better than we ever can.

Another thing: Parents will do a lot to make their kids happy and hide struggles. When you talk to them, they may very well say "Oh, no, you can keep your lessons." Don't drop it at that. It IS what you want to hear, but it may not be the truth. Still offer to cut down to every other week. Me mature about it - I'm sure they will appreciate it immensely.

I give you this advice as a child who, when I was young, we had next to no money. I know how much of a financial burden was put on her - I didn't at the time, but I wish I could have realized (I was a bit younger than you are) because I know it would have helped her immensely but she would NEVER have told me herself just how bad things were getting.
 
#28 ·
If the OP is British - and since she says 'livery yards' and not boarding barns then I'm thinking she is - I'd be amazed if anyone there would let a 13 yr old ride a 17 hand horse. Its more typical for UK children to ride ponies until they're at least 16 - unless they're tall anyway - maybe if the horse was really quiet but I still doubt anyone would take the risk.
Have you thought about asking for jobs at the yard you go too that dont involve handling the horses - like mucking out, tack cleaning, general tidy up work etc in return for a free lesson?
 
#29 ·
If the OP is British - and since she says 'livery yards' and not boarding barns then I'm thinking she is - I'd be amazed if anyone there would let a 13 yr old ride a 17 hand horse. Its more typical for UK children to ride ponies until they're at least 16 - unless they're tall anyway - maybe if the horse was really quiet but I still doubt anyone would take the risk.
Just curious, why is that? I just don't see the risk there. I'd rather my child be on a SAFE horse no matter what the size. Plus at 5 foot I wouldn't consider her child sized.
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