Help with a huge decision....
So if you've followed my posts at all, you'll know I just rescued an OTTB mare 2 months ago. I love her personality, and I think she is one of the most beautiful horses I have ever seen. She has LOTS of potential, I just can't seem to access it in her. When I first adopted her, I was excited about getting to ride consistently again. Since then I have had a harder and harder time of trying to motivate myself to ride her. It's always a battle with us. I started taking lessons with a local hunter trainer, and at first we did really well. Fast forward to the last few weeks and riding her seems to be getting harder, not easier. I know full well that it is probably my brain that is causing all of our issues, but I just can't seem to get past them. At our last lesson I couldn't even get her to trot without sticking her head in the air and hollowing out. My best friend got on her and was able to ride her around wtc and had no issues at all. As much as I LOVE her, I HATE riding her. My friends have to force me to get on.
Now I am fostering a gelding from the same rescue. He has feet issues, and rainrot. I finally was able to ride him yesterday and ... Wow. I havent had that much fun riding in probably a year. He was relaxed, polite, lazy and willing all at the same time. I don't know what to do. The rescue has a money back guarantee with an exchange policy. No questions asked I can bring Crystal back and adopt another one, but I am terrified that I am gonna run into the same issue with the next horse. Should I stick it out with Crystal even though it is making me hate riding, or should I tell the rescue what is going on and let them put her back up for adoption? I was ready to give her back a month ago when she started chewing my barn down, but I managed to get her to stop and have had her a whole month since then. It isn't like I haven't tried..
If I do give her back, should I just keep fostering horses until I find the right one or take a chance on another one?
If I don't, what could I do to make riding her more enjoyable? She is very sensitive to emotions. I'm bipolar and when I'm not depressed, I get extremely hyper and it seems like I can only ride her when I am sad or feeling depressed.
I just don't know what to do.