Help with a huge decision.... - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 31 Old 06-19-2012, 12:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Carp View Post
Sort of sounds like you made your decision.
Ditto this.
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post #12 of 31 Old 06-19-2012, 12:46 PM
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Originally Posted by crazyfilly View Post
I understand it's only been a short time, but if I don't want to ride her then what is the point? I can't afford to fight with her for years before I start to enjoy her. I did that with my 22 year old. I am seriously at the point where I would rather just feed and take care of them, than ride. But I love riding, I just can't stand it on her.
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There are mare people and there are gelding people. I have a friend who tried several different mares and just can't click.

Normally I would agree with the - it's only been two months - keep trying. I've have boarders and friends with bipolar disorder. There certainly are personality issues with horses.
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post #13 of 31 Old 06-19-2012, 12:59 PM Thread Starter
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I'm not afraid of working hard, and I haven't made up my mind yet. It's not like I bought her and am going to sell her. She is from a rescue. Its in my contract that if she doesn't work out for ANY reason, she can go back to them. Even if I give her back I won't sign another adoption contract until I am sure. I am a foster home for them so its easy for me to spend time with the potentials and see if it works out.

Being bipolar isn't something I CHOSE. It is the way my brain chemistry is. I can't just learn to control it or get over it. I feel as if I need a horse that isn't quite as sensitive to my mood swings.

I have been riding for years. I owned my first horse until he passed away at 23 and I still own my second. I understand that riding is hard work, and I enjoy it. Maybe I'm just saying that I feel like someone else could do better with her.
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post #14 of 31 Old 06-19-2012, 01:13 PM
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You are right, nobody chooses to be bipolar, BUT you CAN choose to be treated for it. If you are already on medication and still suffering from radical highs and lows you need to consult with your doctor & look at other alternatives.
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post #15 of 31 Old 06-19-2012, 01:15 PM
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I think it sounds like either decision would be alright for the horse. I wouldn't mind living like some of the rescue horses I know.
I've been dealing with emotional instability and horses for years as well. It really makes a difference when your personal riding horse is the cool customer you wish all the people around you were. When I get on an ottb, or a hot barrel horse I have to keep myself completely focused on staying calm, collected and in control the entire time I'm in the saddle. On some horses, I can relax my control, and even have conversations or give lessons from their back, and no matter how excited my emotions become they just chill. It does make a difference. Annie may be a mare, but she's emotionally consistent, and that works for me. As long as I make sure to make her the center of attention, she'll do as I ask :)

If you think you need a more mellow fellow, then I'd say utilize the opportunity you have to trade for something more suitable, and give her a chance to find someone who matches. I understand giving a horse a chance, but if its not working its not working and that's that.
Also, perhaps maybe finding a different trainer for a second opinion on things you could do to work better together? Sometimes a fresh pair of eyes helps. Good luck!
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post #16 of 31 Old 06-19-2012, 01:20 PM
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Since your a foster home is it possible just to foster her a bit longer and not ride? Maybe your putting too much pressure on yourself and the situation? Is she still available for adoption if you foster her? That way if a better home comes along she can take it and in the meantime you'll have some more time to see if anything changes.
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post #17 of 31 Old 06-19-2012, 01:45 PM
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While I can agree with some of the things that have been said, I honestly do think that perhaps getting a horse that is less sensative to emotions, as the OP said, might be in her best interest and the horse's best interest until she can learn to work through things with her emotions. OTTBS, are, without a doubt- a very hard type to work with because of they way they're trained. That doesn't mean that they're bad animals, I absolutely love OTTBs, but they do take a certain kind of person. Often that kind of person is one that can detatch themselves from their emotions and work merely as an enforcer and teacher. That is something that may be hard for the OP.

I'm not saying that she should absolutely give the animal away, but I AM saying that it is not wrong for her to return the horse either, as a few of you seem to be implying. Even if its only been a few months. It is better for her to realize NOW that she may be in over her head than to realize it later when irrepairable damage may of already happened.

I personally have one of those horses that are very sensative to emotion. She works absolutely wonderfully for me when I am calm, persistant, and focused, but if I'm distracted at all, or feeling 'off' that day, she can immediately pick up on that and feed off of it. And she's a nightmare. For that reason, she isn't a beginners animal nor one of our therapy animals. She simply does not have the personality for that, and that's ok. Turning around and looking at our shetland pony, Cowboy though- you'll find the complete opposite. It doesn't matter what kind of person is working with him. JVs from the local jail, fearful autistic kids, experienced adults, or timid children. His personality is consistent and always calm, relaxed, and confident. Perhaps this is the kind of personality that OP needs, atleast for the time being. This kind of horse can help build confidence rather than tear it down, and can be a very good thing.

OP, another thing to think about is finding somewhere that you can ride an old Schoolmaster horse for maybe two or three lessons a month, and then ride Crystal for the rest of the lessons. This could potentially help you better yourself when away from her, and bring the newfound abilities and confidence into your rides with Crystal to help teach her.
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post #18 of 31 Old 06-19-2012, 02:08 PM
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Originally Posted by crazyfilly View Post
Being bipolar isn't something I CHOSE. It is the way my brain chemistry is. I can't just learn to control it or get over it. I feel as if I need a horse that isn't quite as sensitive to my mood swings.
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True, you did not chose it. However, do NOT use a diagnosis as a crutch or an excuse. There are ways to make it manageable and there are methods of dealing with your emotions. There are many things OTHER than medication to consider, too. If you get into the mind set of "I can't do this, I'm bipolar" you're SOL. You may do better with a less sensitive horse, I'm not arguing that. I'm just saying that instead of resigning to bipolar as something you have no control over, take care of yourself and gain control over what you can.

Aside from that, if this horse is NOT working out for sounds like you're in a perfect situation to make sure that her next home is humane and good for her. If you think somebody else can do better, than that is probably the best thing for this horse. I will say, though, it takes longer than 2 months to build trust with a horse. I will also say that there are times where you know right away that a horse is wrong for you. Do what is best for you and for the horse.

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post #19 of 31 Old 06-19-2012, 02:23 PM Thread Starter
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I do my therapy, I take my meds, I see a psychiatrist regularly. I didn't tell you that I am bipolar to be an excuse, I just wanted to give you the whole picture. My moods aren't HALF as bad as they used to be, but they are still enough to cause Crystal to get upset. It's sad because on the ground we have come a long way. I'm the only one who can fly spray her, and we've been working really hard on her right side. She won't let anyone but me lunge her to the right. Trust isn't something I am having a problem with. It is only under saddle. I really feel as if she could be better suited with someone who has a consistent emotional state.

Endiku- Thank you for being supportive. I do get one or two lessons a month on a lesson horse and it seems to help for a couple of days, and then we start having issues again. I will say that the only time I really enjoy riding her is when I load her into the trailer and we go on a trail ride. As long as the other horses are calm, she's great. But I want to be able to jump, and ride in an arena as well.

As a small update: I contacted the manager of the rescue. He said that it is no problem if I want to keep her as a foster for a while and he even has someone who is looking for a mare that would probably be perfect for her. It is all up to me at this point.
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post #20 of 31 Old 06-19-2012, 02:35 PM
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I didn't mean to sound harsh, crazyfilly, was just hoping that you weren't giving up because of your diagnosis. I know too many people who have done that, I guess. I meant it as more of an encouraging thing...not accusatory.

Anyway, it's a good situation you're in really. It's great that there really aren't bad implications either way. Now I think that actually makes it harder to make the decision, but it's good. You're probably right that a less sensitive horse would be better for you. It's going to be a tough decision, but I think it sounds like it's a good idea to try to find a better match. The happier the person is with the horse, the happier the horse will be.
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