Helping keep a friend from buying a horse that is too good! - The Horse Forum

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post #1 of 8 Old 10-20-2011, 03:43 AM Thread Starter
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Helping keep a friend from buying a horse that is too good!

Okay, bit of background. My friend bought a Polish horse, 6yo, complete nightmare, on the contract said he'd been vetted, but he hadn't. Turned out he had arthritis in both front legs. Sold as field companion.

Next horse, she bought even against everyone's advice. The price droppedto half and he was for sale for a few months. My dad and I went to pick the horse up with her, on the reasoning with the owner that if he didn't pass his vet check, she could return him. Well, he failed miserably. But my friend, the daft woman, paid the full amount upfront. Call my crazy, but I would have just left a deposit! That took 7 months to sort out with lawyers and they've picked the horse up and she has her money back.

Now, she's not the worst rider in the world, nor is she the best. I personally feel she has a lot to learn, she's quite hard with her hands and seat. Not only that she has young children that she wants to be able to put on this horse she buys.

She is now looking to spend over €8000 on the biggest, flashiest horse she can find. She's looking at something that, in our levels, jumps 140cm+ no one on the yard has a horse that good, and she doesnt have her tests to compete.

I'm worried she's going to get mugged off by a dealer, hurt herself with too much horse, or ruin the horse. How do I stop her, or tell her nicely ITS TOO GOOD FOR YOU!
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post #2 of 8 Old 10-20-2011, 05:38 AM
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don't stop her. It's her money, and it'll be her horse. She can become a better rider, and no rule saus that being able to jump
That high says he HAS to. A fool and their money are soon parted. Tell her what the horse is, you have done your duty at that point, at let her make her own choice. If the past adventure didn't teach her, doubtful you will.
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post #3 of 8 Old 10-20-2011, 05:49 AM
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I certainly wouldn't word it anything remotely like you just did here. Telling her the horse is "too good for her", well it would peeve me off if someone said it to me.

You can NOT stop her from doing anything. All you can do is offer your opinion and then let her make her own decisions.
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post #4 of 8 Old 10-20-2011, 06:03 AM Thread Starter
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Apologies that my wording isn't brilliant, I can't think of any other way to put it. That does sound fairly harsh, I know.
Classifications out here are fairly specific, and I've said ooh, lets take a look at this one, its one that will help you learn, good with families.

I supposed you're right really, maybe it'll be third time lucky, but she's going to a fairly notorious dealer. I've said why don't you take your trainer with you when you find one? Nope, still nothing, and I'm worried for her own safety too.

Last edited by DuffyDuck; 10-20-2011 at 06:07 AM.
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post #5 of 8 Old 10-20-2011, 07:02 AM
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My horse is "too good" for me. She could have done dressage at a higher level than I am capable of training her for, and she could have been a fine eventer had I not been too chicken to compete cross-country. Should I sell her? Have I "ruined" her because she is not living up to her "potential" as a 3rd or 4th Level dressage horse? Do you think she complains to her stablemate at night, "I could have been a competitive 3rd Level horse, but my owner is just useless. I'm really bummed."

If the answer to all of the above is, "don't be daft," then there is, ipso facto, nothing wrong with your pal buying the nicest horse she can afford. And if she makes a mistake and buys one that's too hot or needs too much training for her abilities, that is also her problem, not yours. But nothing wrong with her wanting a "fancy" horse. Who doesn't?
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Last edited by thesilverspear; 10-20-2011 at 07:06 AM.
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post #6 of 8 Old 10-20-2011, 07:41 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thesilverspear View Post
My horse is "too good" for me. She could have done dressage at a higher level than I am capable of training her for, and she could have been a fine eventer had I not been too chicken to compete cross-country. Should I sell her? Have I "ruined" her because she is not living up to her "potential" as a 3rd or 4th Level dressage horse? Do you think she complains to her stablemate at night, "I could have been a competitive 3rd Level horse, but my owner is just useless. I'm really bummed."

If the answer to all of the above is, "don't be daft," then there is, ipso facto, nothing wrong with your pal buying the nicest horse she can afford. And if she makes a mistake and buys one that's too hot or needs too much training for her abilities, that is also her problem, not yours. But nothing wrong with her wanting a "fancy" horse. Who doesn't?
No, no not at all. I think its great the horses can help us learn, and that's what I'm trying to steer her towards, something which has the been there done that, and I won't throw you a mile if you accidentally jab me in the mouth, or we don't make that jump right.

Her husband is in Afghan for 6 months, kids, a pony, full time job and a new horse. I'm worried for her, as she's had a few theory lessons on confirmation and now thinks she can go out and find the perfect horse (if only there was one!) I can understand that she's had problems with the first two, but I think she believes throwing money at a horse will mean it won't have any problems.

I'm not a competitor myself, I'm too scared to jump. However my new mare is looking to make a superb horse in dressage and jumping. But I haven't 'over horsed' myself. I didn't mean to offend anyone, I want to help this friend, but I don't want her doing damage to herself, her bank or her heart.
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post #7 of 8 Old 10-20-2011, 08:11 AM
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All you can do is be honest with her about the horse she is looking at & ask her to be honest about what she wants & needs. After all you just are just looking out for her.
It is not the worst thing in the world being told a horse is too much for you.
I'm very thankful to the trainer who told me when I was looking to buy that the paint my sister eventually bought was too much horse for me. He probably kept me from getting really hurt.

So in lies the madness, the pursuit of the impossible in the face of the complete assurance that you will fail, and yet still you chase.
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post #8 of 8 Old 10-20-2011, 08:16 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flytobecat View Post
All you can do is be honest with her about the horse she is looking at & ask her to be honest about what she wants & needs. After all you just are just looking out for her.
It is not the worst thing in the world being told a horse is too much for you.
I'm very thankful to the trainer who told me when I was looking to buy that the paint my sister eventually bought was too much horse for me. He probably kept me from getting really hurt.
Thanks flytobecat.
I don't want to sound awful, I really don't. She's had so much stress with the other two, and I honestly think she believes that if she pays out this sum of money, nothing will be wrong. Well, most of us know that's an impossiblity.

I sold my old man to a friend due to old age, I want to get in to riding as more of a sport, rather than just a hobby. I viewed a 10yo mare, good lines, nice movement. My instructor fumed with me, saying it was too old, I could train a youngster myself with her help. The mare actually failed her vet check, and three months later I ended up with my pigeon toed, giant, skinny Duffy, who is not so skinny, still a giant! And will always be slightly pigeon toed (thankfully shoulder down).

She just seems to be in her world, and I'm trying to bring her down to reality a bit more. She agreed this lunch time to view a 13yo mare who has done 2nd level jumping/dressage I think you guys call it, and has potential for 3rd, but selling as the girl is studying. Needs some work but brilliant in every aspect... maybe I can change her mind, maybe not. Thanks for your help guys
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