Horse for sale ad. Need help!
 
 

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Horse for sale ad. Need help!

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    11-12-2009, 06:42 PM
  #1
Yearling
Horse for sale ad. Need help!

Hello.
After christmas I am going to sell my project horse. I need help with an ad. I know I have aguess untill I sell him but I would just like a some pointers and some help on it.

This is what I have so far. Tell me what I could improve and what I need to add in. Ect :)

Lenny, 4 years 16.3hh Coloured, irish draft gelding, by Grade A showjumper Cavalier. Hacks out alone or in compnay and will happily go first or last, fantastic in the heaviest of traffic and is not spooky. He has a brilliant big, bold jump and has jumped fillers, planks and coloured poles. He has a very willing attitude towards work. Has been schooled around a wide variety of cross country fences including, steps, drops, banks, coffins, combinations, styles, logs, tires ect. Lenny is a very quick learner. He has previously competed at severeal showjumping and cross country events and as proved very sensible. Fantastic in show atmopshere. Lenny would be a fantastic Hunting horse as does not get silly at the back or in a large group. Establising very well in school and has 3 good paces. He is previously being ridden by a 13 year old girl, who jumps, hacks and schools him herself. Snaffled mouth bit. Has done beach rides, pleasure rides and has been on riding holiday. Fantastic manners in and out of the stable. Can be turned out with geldings, mares and youngstock as previosuly tyurned out with my 6 month 3 week old filly. Good to shoe, catch, clip, travel and load, goes on a trailer or box fine. 200% in every way. Very kind and gentle man who loves attention. 5* home only please and NO time wasters. Vaccinated and mircrochipped and has a Irish passport.
PRICE AND CONTACT DETAILS WILL GO HERE.



What do you think on this how can I improve ect
     
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    11-12-2009, 07:01 PM
  #2
Showing
Quote:
Lenny is a 4 year old, 16.3hh Pinto Irish Draft gelding. He is by the Grade A jumper stallion, Cavalier. Lenny hacks out alone or with other horses, and is not fussy about his position. He is also fantastic in heavy traffic. He has a brilliant big, bold jump and has jumped fillers, planks and coloured poles. Lenny has also been schooled around a wide variety of cross country fences including: steps, drops, banks, coffins, combinations, styles, logs, tires ect. He has a very willing attitude towards work, and is a very quick learner. He has previously competed at several showjumping and cross country events and as proved very sensible. He is very sensible in a show setting. Lenny would be a fantastic hunting horse as does not get silly at the back or in a large group. He has previously been ridden by a 13 year old girl, who jumps, hacks and schools him herself. He is currently being ridden in a snaffle bit. Lenny stands for the farrier, is easy to catch, clip, travel and load. Up to date on all vaccs, deworming, and is microchipped. Good home is a must, serious inquiries only please. Lenny does have a passport.
I fixed a few small things for you, such as spelling and run-on sentences. It is obvious that you care for this horse, but try to not go overboard with the ad - keep it simple and eye-catching then once you have interested parties, let loose with the admiration.
Also, be very careful as to how you word "5* home a must, NO time wasters" as this would probably throw potential purchasers off... I would instead word it as "Good home a must, serious inquiries only please."
Good luck :)
     
    11-12-2009, 07:19 PM
  #3
Started
People will often not read an entire ad if you lump it all together in one paragraph. They are also much more willing to respect a seller and take their words seriously when proper spelling and grammar is used throughout. I would do it like this:

"Meet Lenny!

Lenny is a 4 year old Irish Draft gelding. He stands 16.3hh, and with his bold colour, he is always noticed. He is sired by the Grade A show jumper Cavalier.

Lenny is a very quick learner and has a very willing attitude towards work. He goes nicely in a plain snaffle. He has a brilliant, big, bold jump and has jumped fillers, planks and coloured poles. He has also been schooled around a wide variety of cross country fences including steps, drops, banks, coffins, combinations, styles, logs, tires, etc. He has previously competed at several show jumping and cross country events, and has proved very sensible. He is fantastic in the high-stress atmosphere of show grounds. Lenny would be a fantastic hunting horse as does not mind riding out in a large group.

He is previously being ridden by a 13 year old girl, who jumps, hacks, and schools him herself. He has done beach rides, pleasure rides, and has been on riding holiday. This boy has fantastic manners in and out of the stable. He hacks out alone or in company, and he will happily go first or last. Lenny is fabulous in the heaviest of traffic and is not spooky one bit.

He can be turned out with geldings, mares, and youngsters - I previously turned him out with my 6 month old filly with no problems. He stands for the farrier and stands tied. He is easy to catch, clip, bathe, load and unload. Lenny is a very kind and gentle man who loves attention.

Lenny is microchipped, has an Irish Passport, and is UTD on shots, worming, and trimming. He will go to a good home only - so please, serious inquiries only! Thank you for looking!"

Good luck selling him!
     
    11-14-2009, 09:27 PM
  #4
Weanling
Make sure your spelling is good!

I remember going over an ad and it sounded like a child ( or an adult who had had no education) had written it. Even though the horse that he was selling sounded nice, those errors just put so much doubt in the mind,I was sure that this was either a scammer, or a child, Because if a person doesn't know how to spell, how would he know anything about whether his horse is sound, in good health, ect.

I didn't have time to read through and look for errors (sorry) but at first glance it sounded good. I agree with Leahkathleen, split it up a bit!

Anyhow, good luck selling your horse! I hope you find a good home for him!
     
    11-14-2009, 10:36 PM
  #5
Started
Guessing your are in ireland? Otherwise I would have to check him out!!
     
    11-14-2009, 11:02 PM
  #6
Weanling
I would avoid using too many words like fantastic and fabulous.

Also, if you make the add too long you may lose the buyer's interest.

Is it a benefit that a 13 year old schools him?

Make sure the basic statistics like height, weight, age are there. And his accomplishments and manners (the shoe, catch, clip, load type stuff).

Also mention what care he is up to date on (worming, shoes, etc)

Make sure you clean him up really well and post good pictures.

Good luck.
     
    11-18-2009, 05:47 PM
  #7
Yearling
Quote:
Originally Posted by sillybunny11486    
Guessing your are in ireland? Otherwise I would have to check him out!!
Nope, im in england
     
    11-18-2009, 05:48 PM
  #8
Yearling
Thanks, really helped
     
    11-30-2009, 05:30 PM
  #9
Yearling
Heres a pic.






Any more ideas. You could re arrange the add all together I really don't mind.
     
    11-30-2009, 05:32 PM
  #10
Yearling
Sorry his noow 5 and his irish x lol
     

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