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Horse Talk. literally

This is a discussion on Horse Talk. literally within the Horse Talk forums, part of the Keeping and Caring for Horses category

     
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        06-13-2010, 09:07 PM
      #11
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ilyTango    
    I don't know what Tango would say, but Buddy would be the most hilarious animal ever. He'd just totally be an emo kid.

    *Sighs deeply* "I hate life. I hate other animals. Please go away and let me die. I'll do what you want only because it's easier than to resist."

    As we're shooting a bow and arrow off his back (yes, we have done it. Literally just brought him out, saddled him up and got on without any prior desensitization): "Please shoot me." *Tries to turn head into arrow fire (yes, he actually did that lmfao)*

    "Why are you blowing the dead hair off me with an air gun? I hope I die soon."
    This is the first post I have read on this forum that made me actually laugh out loud
         
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        06-13-2010, 09:26 PM
      #12
    Weanling
    I think I know exactly what Barcoo and Toby would say... haha.

    Barcoo
    When being caught: "Are you serious? Why are you bothering? We both know I can outrun and outsmart you. -cranky face-"
    Tacking up: "DON'T YOU DARE DO THAT GIRTH UP! I HATE MY LIFE! I HATE YOU! LEAVE ME BE!"
    Getting on: "DON'T YOU DARE GET ON ME! I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS!"
    Doing basic dressage: "No. I WILL NOT canter. No. I will not trot. No. I will not walk. OMG RUN RUN RUN! -chomps bit- No? Fine, I'll stand here and lash out behind me until you get off"
    Doing more advanced stuff: "You wanna go sideways? I'll GIVE YOU SIDEWAYS! -buck and twist- You want a flying change? Well I'm going to counter canter. You want a counter canter? I'll flying change. You'll get spurs and a whip? COP THIS MUM -buck buck buck rear buck rear-"
    General Expression?: "FML -cranky old man glare-"
    At a competition: "Wow, I am so seriously sexy. Look at me everyone! Blue ribbon here I come!"

    Toby
    When being caught and bridled: "OMG! RIDE! YAY YAY YAY! OMG BIT! OMNOMNOM! RIDE RIDE RIDE!"
    Tacking Up: "OMG RIDE RIDE RIDE! YAY! HURRY UP! LETS GO!"
    Getting On: "Wait, what are you doing? Why are you pulling more on one side? OMG THIS IS SCARY! OMG OMG OMG! Wait, you're on? OMG RIDE RIDE RIDE YAY!"
    Doing basic dressage: "OMG ride ride ride! Yay! AHHHHHH! SCARY BUSH THING AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
    Doing more advanced stuff: "Omg yay! Dressage! Yay! Omg yay!"
    General Expression: "I'm lovely, I love everyone, I'm so happy! OMG SCARY THING! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

    This is an awesome thread haha. My friends and I are always talking about what our horses would say.
         
        06-13-2010, 10:45 PM
      #13
    Yearling
    I think I know some of what Berdi would say!

    When I catch her to put her muzzle on: "Oh NO! Here she comes with the grazing muzzle! I don't want to starve today! RUN, RUN RUN!"

    When I finally catch her and put her head in the muzzle: "You think the grass you put in the muzzle will make up for ALL DAY?? Wrong!"

    "Don't pull that cinch so tight - I can't breathe!"

    "Lets trot - really fast! Its much more fun!!"

    "You want me to lope? You didn't do great last time, bounced around far too much! Are you planning on doing better this time?"

    Hosing her off after ride: "You want to spray me with water from that green snake? Eeeeeeek!"

    After her hosing: "Yay! Now I can roll in the dirt! You don't like that? - to bad! I love rolling!
         
        06-13-2010, 10:54 PM
      #14
    Weanling
    My sheep have been telling me to get stuffed for years. It's only a matter of time before the drafts start up too!
         
        06-13-2010, 11:06 PM
      #15
    Started
    Love the responses! Keep em coming!!
         
        06-14-2010, 12:16 AM
      #16
    Green Broke
    Today, I was riding my friend's horse, a big, old-as-dirt palomino Quarter with a snarky, I-don't-care way around people. I saddled the guy up and took him to the obstacle course. I didn't know if he had ever been through it before, so I went slow and easy. He didn't bat an eye at any of the obstacles until I came to the "wash rack", which is a maze of logs which you must weave through backwards. So I started him backing up.

    We went back about four steps and started into a 90 degree turn. I pulled the rein left and tapped him with my heel. He froze immediately, turned his head to look at me, and stared at me with almost squinted eyes, asking as clear as a horse can ask, "What the hell are you doing?"


    A few weeks back, I was also "spoken to" by another horse, a Walker named Missy, whom I had always imagined as being the equine version of an overly strict grandmother. She had been here, there, and everywhere, and took great pleasure in that nothing ever caught her off guard.

    I was riding her around, just messin', when I decided to see how she would do handle the "octopus curtain", which is line of pool noodles hung on a string between two trees, forming a curtain.

    I got off and let her look at it first. She turned to me, confused, like old lady listening to rap music for the first time. I wiggled the noodles around and held one up to her nose to smell. She then stared at me, her mind absolutely blown. "You want me to eat life saver tree?!"
         
        06-14-2010, 02:12 AM
      #17
    Weanling
    My old man would be such an..old man with a big attitude haha.

    It would go something like this.
    While Im driving down the driveway: "Mommmmms here! Oh yay! Lets race down the fenceline!"

    Going to get him from the pasture: "HI MOM! Hi hi hi! I've missed you! Is that a HALTER?! Runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn everyone, runn for your LIVESSS"

    In the cross-ties: "Dont you dare put that saddle on me *whinny* SOMEONE HELP ME! Don't you even think about tightening that girth! Maybe if I move around a ton you can't get it on!!! Okay..you win. Bit? Okay"

    While mounting: "Your not getting on me, your are NOT GETTING ON ME, that mounting block is GOING TO EAT ME!! Oh you're on? Okay lets go! Trot? Canter? GALLOP?! Are we done?"

    While actual work: " no I will not yield to pressure, no I will not move off your leg, no I will not give you my head, no I will not do anything you ask! I REFUSE...oh that feels good...ohh I like moving my body!"

    While on the trail alone "GET ME HOME, I WANT TO BE WITH MY FRIENDS *WHINNYYYYYYYY* "
         
        06-15-2010, 12:33 AM
      #18
    Started
    I think I have some on Sampson


    When I go out to get him in the pasture: Hey mom! Halter...that goes on my head right? Not sure if I'm ok with that so I'll lift you off the ground while you try to get it..oh you didn't get it..k well I'ma run off with everyone else then.

    When I do get him and halter him: This isn't so bad. That's a scary gate I'ma run through it....oh I'm not...ok but I'm going to snort and blow snot on you.

    First attempt clipping his bridle path: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOO *takes off down the aisle way ripping the cross ties from the walls*



    A normal conversation between the two of us about the scary gate opening and closing

    Sampson: snort, bug eyed, snort snort stomp, prance like a nervous baby...I don't like this at all.
    Me: Awwww you're ok big boy, one step forward...good boy...one more step forward...good boy! Nooooo back up no racing, lets try again.
    Sampson : do what? I'll try...snort snort snort prance snort.
    Me: one step forward, good, other foot, good...there we go that wasn't too bad! Good boy! *pat on the neck*
    Sampson: DON'T SHUT IT! IT RATTLES!!! *gate shuts* AHHHHH
    Me: oh shoosh you're ok *pat and scratches on the neck*
    Sampson: ok...I believe you I think but I wanna go inside NOW.
         
        06-15-2010, 04:28 AM
      #19
    Foal
    Lol, this is hilarious. I don't have my own horse but I know exactly what Clancy, the horse I normally get to ride, would say

    Being caught: "Go away, I want to eat"
    Being groomed: "this is the best, up, up a little to the leeeeft... Perfect"
    Doing up the girth: "I hate you, leave me ALONE!!!! Ow ow ow ow"
    Getting on: "if I twist in circles, she fallls! AHAHA!"
    On ride: "Wow, this is fun, I love ridi- OMG MONSTER! QUICK RUN- Oh its just a tree. OMG bikes! I love bikes! They are sooo fascinating.....
    Cantering: "WOOOHOOO! Running, I love running! *play buck/lunge/rear* Hold on, FASTER! I MUST catch them! Ok seriously woman, let me GO! *serious buck*. Wait, what, your still up there? Sheesh"
    Getting fed: OMG me first me first! YAY! I love you. OMG that stuff in the barrow looks sooo good, so much better than what I've got. I MUST have it!"
         
        06-15-2010, 05:22 PM
      #20
    Started
    I'd love to know what some senior horses would say. Can you imagine the stories they'd have? Especially this 40 year old pony I used to know. I would have loved to hear her life's story.

    I have conversations with my horse. At night when I'm getting dinner ready, he stares at me over the gate like, "It's about time, you lazy #@$%*!!! Can't you see I'm starving?!" And I'll say, "Enough with the drama, Your Majesty. I can tell you're so underfed because your massive tummy sticks out on both sides when I look at you from the front. Yeah, you really must be famished!"

    And when I walk up to him with a halter: "Oh, GAWD. Not you again." *runs away*

    When I'm saddling him: "HALP!!! Someone HALP!!! She's KILLING me!!!"

    When we're riding, he likes to glance over his shoulder at me and think, "I'm going to show her my bucking bronco impersonation when she's least expecting it... hehe."

    When he spooks: "Mummy! Did you see the teeth on that bunny?! It was HUGE! It almost ATE me!" D; "Hey, I know! I'll put you on the ground in front of it so it'll eat you instead and I can escape!"

    And when I'm feeding him carrots or grooming him, he nuzzles into me and rests his chin on my shoulder as if to say, "Y'know, you're not so bad. Let's call it truce... for now."
         

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