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Horse Talk. literally

4K views 32 replies 25 participants last post by  drafts4ever 
#1 · (Edited)
I brought this up with a couple of my friends and after looking at me sideways they asked jokingly "what are you smoking?" This is a perfectly reasonable question, given that I frequently talk to my horse and my other animals and try to figure out what a verbal response from them would be if I could understand them.

Here's the question: If your horse(s) could speak. What would they say? What would their attitude or tone be in a verbal response? And would they have an accent or any kind/what language would they speak.

For example. Caleigh when I'm riding her would probably just complain or argue with me about what I'm working with her on. I don't think she'd have an accent and since English is the only language I know and understand, I'll go with that one for her. If we're trotting circles and she bends really well and I tell her "good girl! Keep it up" like I normally would, I'd expect something like "psssh Uh huh yeah I know...whatever... "

If we're just riding maybe on a trail ride I think we'd carry on a slightly stoner sounding conversation about how the leaves move and cast shadows that she doesn't immediately recognize and the dude that just came whizzing by on his bike but then since I say they aren't going to hurt her and the horse reflected in the pond is actually her and no she's not drowning...everythings ok. haha (and this is what triggered the "what are you smoking" response from my friends. haha)

I don't know Sampson all that well yet so I'm not sure if he's the talkative type, however he's full of body language so I think he'd be the tall quiet boy that just wants to please but isn't quite sure what to say. He does need a lot of reassurance though and has the mentality of a nervous 5 year old at the moment so I'd expect lots of questions that require anywhere from simple to very extreme in detail explanations.

So what would your horse say, what would they sound like, in what situation, and what language.


I'm going to go for a walk with the doggies and read everything when I get back! I'm really looking forward to the responses!
 
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#2 ·
I'm not sure over all, but after all three kids got two rides each of me leading Ezra around last night, I'm sure he was just bored out of his skull and would have loved to start complaining, "enough already with the walking I want to move!"
 
#3 ·
Today was "Are you going to just stand there, or are you going to give me a drink of that soda?" "Okay, fine." *looks away, gives mom the cold shoulder, and lets out a big sigh.

Trail rides. "Oooh! This is fun! Look at all this cool stuff! Mom, why I you nervous? I know I just got started, but I got this!"

With other horses: "WHAT are you doing? I don't play. Let me sleep. I'm a draft horse I grew up in a pasture of cows! What do you expect?"

On the ground. "Mom, it's soooo windy. Can I get a little closer? Thanks. Okay... can I get a little MORE closer?? ZZZzzzZZzzz..."

Meeting a new horse: "Ohai. I like you you're nice.__________ HEYYYY!! THAT wasn't very nice!!".

Trailering: "Nope. Not doing it. Oooh! Foodz!!" **klip-klopp klip-klopp klip-klopp**

And always my favorite: "Mom, whatcha doin? Hmmmmmmmmmm????? Ahhh. I see. Lemmee jus' tip this here wheel barrel over.... heeheeheeheehee" **trots away**
 
#4 · (Edited)
I would LOVE TO KNOW WHAT MY HORSE WOULD SAY. Seriously. The majority of the time he's just....ugh. Like that's his expression; that of a surly old man. I'm sure a large part of it is do to the fact that his whole body hurts from arthritis and such, because when I put liniment on him he perked right up (like jumping those cement parking blocks, lol), but mostly he just has baggage. If he could tell me, although I might not be able to fix it, I would certainly be able to better work with him.

Here are a couple of scenarios:

"What do you want?"*comes to stall door, nasty face. "Oh, you bring food for me? NOM NOM thanks so much"

"Umm heeeey thats my hay right there" *reaches for hay as it passes by on the cart

"THATS MY YELLOW BUCKET, THATS MY YELLOW BUCKET, THATS MY YELLOW BUCKET" *pacing his stall until we give him his grain*

"Oh, we're trotting now? Okay" *picks up trot*
 
#5 ·
I would love it if Soda could talk. It would make my life significantly easier that's for sure.

A couple of scenarios:
In the morning -
"Hey Mom!! Did you sleep good? Like all the mud I got on myself for you to brush off? I know how much you like to brush me."

Trailriding -
"Do you see THAT? Hold on tight, we might need to run. I'll take care of it as long as you stay on." "RUN" "Why aren't you letting me RUN???!!" "That puddle is going to eat us!" "Are you sure???" "REALLY sure????" "Alright then..." "REALLY????"

Or this "Can we go faster?" "Can we go faster?" "Come on pleeeeeeeezzzz????"

The other day:

"But I want to run home to Flame." "I don't want to turn" (as he's going sideways instead of turning, so I give him a kick to add some impetous) "FINE!!! You want a turn?? I turned and for good measure I'm throwing in a rear/buck/leap sideways" "F*** OFF!!!" (I'm getting him undercontrol after this little tantrum, asking for his head, etc) "No no no no, I'm NOT going to do it!" "You're not the boss of me!" "Dammitt...." "Oh alright, you win."



All of this is in the tone of a hyperactive teenage boy.... :lol: Goofy horse.
 
#9 ·
Trailriding -
"Do you see THAT? Hold on tight, we might need to run. I'll take care of it as long as you stay on." "RUN" "Why aren't you letting me RUN???!!" "That puddle is going to eat us!" "Are you sure???" "REALLY sure????" "Alright then..." "REALLY????"

haha!!!! yes!!!
 
#6 · (Edited)
Well it depends on the horse:

3yo Arab stallion: "Oh here comes that pathetic life form again, I suppose she expects to ride me, how humiliating, what would the mares think"

3yo QH gelding (lives with the above mentioned stallion): "Oh my gosh, here she comes, whooooo, pick me pick me please please pretty please with a cherry on top I wanna come work!"

7yo TB mare (stares at me as she is being groomed): "This is the dumbest activity ever, we both know I am going to roll in the filthiest patch of dirt I can find as soon as you put me back in the pasture"

6yo TB gelding (takes a few minutes to relax into the ride): "I could buck now. Like any second. You just never know. Oh and it is going to be the biggest hugest buck ever so you should be scared, really scared"..... 10 mins later.... "Can't....seem to....get my....head down....aaargh, too much effort, I spose I'll just go along quietly".

3yo TB gelding (big and dumb) "Ummmmm, what's going on?"

P.S. Everyone's resonses were hilarious!
 
#7 ·
I can tell this will be a VERY entertaining thread that will be very very popular.

I don't own any horses, but I'll list some of the horses that are at the stable I train at.

Buddy -- "You have enough trouble keeping me slow with that Western saddle. Now that you've switched there'll be no stopping it--I get to JUMP!!! Oh...you're not riding me? Damn...she must've told you I'd want to jump.

Sadie-- -heaving terribly-- "WATER WATER WATER!!" -after drinking- "Why do you keep kicking me? I will NOT TROT!! Stop pushing me, stop trying to collect me, ooh poles! Left, right, LEEEEEFTTOTHEWATER!!!"{

Fancy-- "Ooh...I didn't know I was built in with a "Rider Eject" button! *bucks*"

Cheyenne-- "OMGZ WAS THAT A CAR?!?"

Cisco-- "I will NOT go over this fake bridge!"

Sergio-- "RUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUN"
 
#8 ·
Rainy's tone would be the girl who thinks/knows she's amazing, and is constantly trying to off her work on other people. She also loves food.

While trying to groom- "Why are we just standing here? There's stuff outside too, you know." *Ten minutes pass* "Fine, I suppose I'll take a nap."
While lunging- "Uhhh....I'm soooo tired Mom. No more work please! I'll be good, I promise!"
Under saddle- "Haha, you totally fell for the 'I'm so exhausted on the lunge line' trick! Let's GO!!!!"
In her stall- "Where's the food? Seriously?!?"
At shows- "Wow, there are a lot of horses here. This is an excellent time to be perfect and take a nap!"

She's such a weird horse- nuts at home, perfect at shows. Count my blessings, I guess.
 
#10 ·
I don't know what Tango would say, but Buddy would be the most hilarious animal ever. He'd just totally be an emo kid.

*Sighs deeply* "I hate life. I hate other animals. Please go away and let me die. I'll do what you want only because it's easier than to resist."

As we're shooting a bow and arrow off his back (yes, we have done it. Literally just brought him out, saddled him up and got on without any prior desensitization): "Please shoot me." *Tries to turn head into arrow fire (yes, he actually did that lmfao)*

"Why are you blowing the dead hair off me with an air gun? I hope I die soon."
 
#11 ·
I don't know what Tango would say, but Buddy would be the most hilarious animal ever. He'd just totally be an emo kid.

*Sighs deeply* "I hate life. I hate other animals. Please go away and let me die. I'll do what you want only because it's easier than to resist."

As we're shooting a bow and arrow off his back (yes, we have done it. Literally just brought him out, saddled him up and got on without any prior desensitization): "Please shoot me." *Tries to turn head into arrow fire (yes, he actually did that lmfao)*

"Why are you blowing the dead hair off me with an air gun? I hope I die soon."
This is the first post I have read on this forum that made me actually laugh out loud :lol:
 
#12 ·
I think I know exactly what Barcoo and Toby would say... haha.

Barcoo
When being caught: "Are you serious? Why are you bothering? We both know I can outrun and outsmart you. -cranky face-"
Tacking up: "DON'T YOU DARE DO THAT GIRTH UP! I HATE MY LIFE! I HATE YOU! LEAVE ME BE!"
Getting on: "DON'T YOU DARE GET ON ME! I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS!"
Doing basic dressage: "No. I WILL NOT canter. No. I will not trot. No. I will not walk. OMG RUN RUN RUN! -chomps bit- No? Fine, I'll stand here and lash out behind me until you get off"
Doing more advanced stuff: "You wanna go sideways? I'll GIVE YOU SIDEWAYS! -buck and twist- You want a flying change? Well I'm going to counter canter. You want a counter canter? I'll flying change. You'll get spurs and a whip? COP THIS MUM -buck buck buck rear buck rear-"
General Expression?: "FML -cranky old man glare-"
At a competition: "Wow, I am so seriously sexy. Look at me everyone! Blue ribbon here I come!"

Toby
When being caught and bridled: "OMG! RIDE! YAY YAY YAY! OMG BIT! OMNOMNOM! RIDE RIDE RIDE!"
Tacking Up: "OMG RIDE RIDE RIDE! YAY! HURRY UP! LETS GO!"
Getting On: "Wait, what are you doing? Why are you pulling more on one side? OMG THIS IS SCARY! OMG OMG OMG! Wait, you're on? OMG RIDE RIDE RIDE YAY!"
Doing basic dressage: "OMG ride ride ride! yay! AHHHHHH! SCARY BUSH THING AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Doing more advanced stuff: "Omg yay! dressage! yay! omg yay!"
General Expression: "I'm lovely, I love everyone, I'm so happy! OMG SCARY THING! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

This is an awesome thread haha. My friends and I are always talking about what our horses would say.
 
#13 ·
I think I know some of what Berdi would say!

When I catch her to put her muzzle on: "Oh NO! Here she comes with the grazing muzzle! I don't want to starve today! RUN, RUN RUN!"

When I finally catch her and put her head in the muzzle: "You think the grass you put in the muzzle will make up for ALL DAY?? Wrong!"

"Don't pull that cinch so tight - I can't breathe!"

"Lets trot - really fast! Its much more fun!!"

"You want me to lope? You didn't do great last time, bounced around far too much! Are you planning on doing better this time?"

Hosing her off after ride: "You want to spray me with water from that green snake? Eeeeeeek!"

After her hosing: "Yay! Now I can roll in the dirt! You don't like that? - to bad! I love rolling!
 
#16 · (Edited)
Today, I was riding my friend's horse, a big, old-as-dirt palomino Quarter with a snarky, I-don't-care way around people. I saddled the guy up and took him to the obstacle course. I didn't know if he had ever been through it before, so I went slow and easy. He didn't bat an eye at any of the obstacles until I came to the "wash rack", which is a maze of logs which you must weave through backwards. So I started him backing up.

We went back about four steps and started into a 90 degree turn. I pulled the rein left and tapped him with my heel. He froze immediately, turned his head to look at me, and stared at me with almost squinted eyes, asking as clear as a horse can ask, "What the hell are you doing?"


A few weeks back, I was also "spoken to" by another horse, a Walker named Missy, whom I had always imagined as being the equine version of an overly strict grandmother. She had been here, there, and everywhere, and took great pleasure in that nothing ever caught her off guard.

I was riding her around, just messin', when I decided to see how she would do handle the "octopus curtain", which is line of pool noodles hung on a string between two trees, forming a curtain.

I got off and let her look at it first. She turned to me, confused, like old lady listening to rap music for the first time. I wiggled the noodles around and held one up to her nose to smell. She then stared at me, her mind absolutely blown. "You want me to eat life saver tree?!"
 
#17 ·
My old man would be such an..old man with a big attitude haha.

It would go something like this.
While Im driving down the driveway: "Mommmmms here! Oh yay! Lets race down the fenceline!"

Going to get him from the pasture: "HI MOM! hi hi hi! Ive missed you! Is that a HALTER?! runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn everyone, runn for your LIVESSS"

In the cross-ties: "Dont you dare put that saddle on me *whinny* SOMEONE HELP ME! dont you even think about tightening that girth! maybe if i move around a ton you cant get it on!!! Okay..you win. Bit? okay"

While mounting: "Your not getting on me, your are NOT GETTING ON ME, that mounting block is GOING TO EAT ME!! Oh youre on? okay lets go! trot? canter? GALLOP?! are we done?"

While actual work: " no i will not yield to pressure, no i will not move off your leg, no i will not give you my head, no i will not do anything you ask! I REFUSE...oh that feels good...ohh i like moving my body!"

While on the trail alone "GET ME HOME, I WANT TO BE WITH MY FRIENDS *WHINNYYYYYYYY* "
 
#18 · (Edited)
I think I have some on Sampson


When I go out to get him in the pasture: Hey mom! Halter...that goes on my head right? Not sure if I'm ok with that so I'll lift you off the ground while you try to get it..oh you didn't get it..k well I'ma run off with everyone else then.

When I do get him and halter him: This isn't so bad. That's a scary gate I'ma run through it....oh I'm not...ok but I'm going to snort and blow snot on you.

First attempt clipping his bridle path: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOO *takes off down the aisle way ripping the cross ties from the walls*



A normal conversation between the two of us about the scary gate opening and closing

Sampson: snort, bug eyed, snort snort stomp, prance like a nervous baby...I don't like this at all.
Me: Awwww you're ok big boy, one step forward...good boy...one more step forward...good boy! Nooooo back up no racing, lets try again.
Sampson : do what? I'll try...snort snort snort prance snort.
Me: one step forward, good, other foot, good...there we go that wasn't too bad! Good boy! *pat on the neck*
Sampson: DON'T SHUT IT! IT RATTLES!!! *gate shuts* AHHHHH
me: oh shoosh you're ok *pat and scratches on the neck*
Sampson: ok...I believe you I think but I wanna go inside NOW.
 
#19 ·
Lol, this is hilarious. I don't have my own horse but I know exactly what Clancy, the horse i normally get to ride, would say

Being caught: "Go away, i want to eat"
Being groomed: "this is the best, up, up a little to the leeeeft... Perfect"
Doing up the girth: "I hate you, leave me ALONE!!!! Ow ow ow ow"
Getting on: "if i twist in circles, she fallls! AHAHA!"
On ride: "Wow, this is fun, i love ridi- OMG MONSTER! QUICK RUN- Oh its just a tree. OMG bikes! I love bikes! They are sooo fascinating.....
Cantering: "WOOOHOOO! Running, i love running! *play buck/lunge/rear* Hold on, FASTER! I MUST catch them! Ok seriously woman, let me GO! *serious buck*. Wait, what, your still up there? Sheesh"
Getting fed: OMG me first me first! YAY! I love you. OMG that stuff in the barrow looks sooo good, so much better than what I've got. I MUST have it!"
 
#20 · (Edited)
I'd love to know what some senior horses would say. Can you imagine the stories they'd have? Especially this 40 year old pony I used to know. I would have loved to hear her life's story.

I have conversations with my horse. At night when I'm getting dinner ready, he stares at me over the gate like, "It's about time, you lazy #@$%*!!! Can't you see I'm starving?!" And I'll say, "Enough with the drama, Your Majesty. I can tell you're so underfed because your massive tummy sticks out on both sides when I look at you from the front. Yeah, you really must be famished!"

And when I walk up to him with a halter: "Oh, GAWD. Not you again." *runs away*

When I'm saddling him: "HALP!!! Someone HALP!!! She's KILLING me!!!"

When we're riding, he likes to glance over his shoulder at me and think, "I'm gonna show her my bucking bronco impersonation when she's least expecting it... hehe." :twisted:

When he spooks: "Mummy! Did you see the teeth on that bunny?! It was HUGE! It almost ATE me!" D; "Hey, I know! I'll put you on the ground in front of it so it'll eat you instead and I can escape!"

And when I'm feeding him carrots or grooming him, he nuzzles into me and rests his chin on my shoulder as if to say, "Y'know, you're not so bad. Let's call it truce... for now."
 
#22 ·
Then there's Flame. 30 yr old TWH mare. Poor girl put up with sooo much crap when I was a kid.


Feeding- "Hey! Slow poke, hurry up here! I'm STARVING" "Ick, is this ALL you're giving me???" "Oh fine, I'll eat it" *licks the bowl clean and snuffles for more"

When she sees me coming w/ wormer/meds - "You can't catch me!" "Sheet, I forgot I'm slow.... Nevermind this is just too much work, fine." "Haha, I'll just put my head up really high so you can't reach!!" "Dammitt! When did you get so BIG??!! That used to work!"

Brushing - "Oh god that feels sooooooooo goood......" "It's been so long, you neglectful person, you." "Let me rub my head on you. Come on ya light weight, hold still, I'm busy using you as a rubbing post"

When I'm riding Soda in the paddock - "Hehe, I'm going to wait until he gets closer and then....... SQUEALLLLLLL!" "Hahahahaha, gotcha ya wuss!!!" This is usually with a very mischevious look on her face... stinker

When I'm leaving with Soda - "Oh god, I'm DYING!!! Please don't leave me!!"

The stories that girl could tell :D
 
#23 ·
I think I have a pretty good idea of what my horses would say.

Storm (3yr old)
Catching: "Oh is that mom I hear? Where is she? Oh there she is...I'm coming mom! Oh you want me to come faster? But that's so much work, I'm just going to walk."

Putting the halter on: "Oh I know what to do hehe" Puts his head in the halter for me. "Now quick do it up so we can leave. I don't want to be at the gate when the other horses come. Can we please go inside now?"

Get into the barn: "Ohh there's my stall. Let me go, no I don't want to wait for you to take the halter off but I will if you make me." Once I get his halter off (I take it off in the hall of the barn so he can walk into his stall) "Oh great, here I go. Hope you put some grain in my bucket for me. Oh you did, I'm so happy"

Tacking up and brushing: "Can you brush a little harder? That feels SOOOO good. Oh you want my feet, here you go, and here's the next one. I think I'm going to fall asleep while you put the saddle on a fidle with it all."

On the trails: "So where are we going today mom? Anywhere new? Oh we went this way last time, can't we go somewhere new? I better lope slow when you ask, who knows when we will be home. Oh this is so fun :lol:" He loves going on trails, I'm so lucky!!

When someone else rides him: "Mom are you sure they can ride? They don't feel to balanced. Oh she's asking for a trot." Trots a few steps and walks again. "She doesn't know what she is doing mom, she might fall off so I'm going to just walk. I think I'm done now, here I come mom, they can't stop me :D." The hardest part for other people is keeping him on the rail, he just wants to chill with me in the middle.
 
#24 ·
Haha, I had a dream shortly after meeting Orion, it was the night after I walked up to him in the pasture & he was laying down & O sat next to him. So my dream was that we were sitting there & I asked him, if he could be anything other than a horse, what would he want to be? H said a donkey :) that was it... later I found out he used to have a donkey friend that he had one of those creepy horse/ donkey relationships with.
 
#25 ·
There are times I'd love to know what they think, and others when they make it all too clear what they're thinking.....and it wasn't nice!

T likes to be left alone. Tonight she got ridden, and was very surprised to say the least , as she thought she was retired. Only explanation for not being ridden before tonight.

While saddling up this is what she was saying.
"Oh no you are NOT putting that pad on me, well okay with the pad, but absolutely NOT the saddle, damn! Well I am not going to be cinched, gasp, up! Fine, but you will not like the ride you are about to Get!":evil:

Walka as running up and down the fence line in the paddock saying , "Pick me ,Pick me! I want to go !"

Nice to know my horses aren't the only ones with issues about being worked. They are so very happy being pasture ponies right now.
 
#26 ·
Ha haha Maggi would have the voice of an overly spoilt child!!

Being caught- o hey mu its you sure il come over ....hahahaha and you thought you could catch me! Ah im only kidding look im right here zooom hahaha muuuuuum im over here come get me!!

Getting grooomed-Dont touch me with the brush...I told you dont touch me...WHEN will you learn. I HATE YOU!!!!

Tacking up- hury up hurry up hurry up were going now look im going tough!! What do you need that for jesus( huge sigh and dramartic leg rest) You know i dont like getting my girth tightened hold on till i hurt you( cue foot crush or attempted kick) Hmph shows you thought you were sooo smart didnt you!!

mounting-you have aprox .2seconds to get up bot ready TOUGH im far to busy to wait for you!

Riding dressage- Ye i have never done this before. I just cant do it so i wont!! Ooo sideways you want?? why didnt you say!!(CHarges backwards like a light) AH mum you know how much i love to go back( oarades in perfect side pass across the school!) Ye i dont stop fpr nobody so tough!!

SHowjumpin- one day- ye sure il jump zooooooooooooom what do you mean that was to fast it was sooo much fun lets go again come on come on come on!!
Day 2- No i dont want to jumo what do you think i am!! As she stomps through the jump without lifting her feet!! HMm im no performing monkey B***H

Cross country- wow the course is over that was sooo short maybe because we went sooo fast you didnt even see what we jumped wooo I LOVE MY LIFE!!!


HAacking- wooooooooooow mum look at that tree i cant pass that snort snort snort!! Grrrr who left that horse poo there hold on till i poop all over it mwahahahah now who is boss huh????

Travellin- ooo i know where this goes move mum im coming in!! As she clears the ramp wiht a jump!

When i let her off- What do you mean there is no more food?? where are you going with my bucket stoooop nooooooooooooooooo muuuuuuuuuuuuum!!!!!


She is sooo funny hahahahah!
 
#27 ·
My pony says to me all the time: "If you're not gonna give me any treats, then don't mess with me woman!"
My barrel horse says: "Ohhhh....open field....Can we run? please, please PLEASE?!?! Ok then...I'll just walk fast :]"
My old draft horse: "Whatever." (He kinda reminds me of an old wise man with few words. Haha!)
 
#28 ·
How fun!

Being caught:can you just leave me alone.Taaake a few steps back and just admire me and look at how good I am at eating!

Saddled-here we go ...again.

Riding- well here is the same routine..lets walk,trot...no,how about we have it my way.You always boss me around..Let me show you how I do it!(takes off galloping)...wasn't that refreshing?

Feeding-*smacks lips together*mmmmm mmmm! this is going to be good! Can I have some more?

Crossing water- YOU WANT ME DO WHAT!? I have a better idea,trrruuuuust me on this! Let me just..walk..just let me walk over ...c'mon lady just let me walk on this little edge of grass and we can avoid it all together..
 
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