Horse talk for mature people over 40 - Page 358

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Horse talk for mature people over 40

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    06-23-2012, 01:21 AM
Super Moderator
I did write out a story last night and then lost the lot.
Ladytrails - most of my experiences involve mud, I live in the UK!

Just a quickie!
I had not long been working for my late boss, (it was before we moved here) The fields were a short walk down quite a busy road.

I had been out fox hunting. It had been a good day but had poured with rain for the last couple of hours and I was wet through my hunting coat and my boots full of water.

I rode back home and washed the horse off.
There were two 2 year old and a yearling turned out in the field down the road, they were standing with their tails against the wind and rain, heads down and shivering, I decided to get them in and called the boss to help me.
I hadn't changed as there seemed no point. We went down to the field and I called the horses but they were cold and miserable and would not come so I went across to get them.
Now this was wet land, I waded my way across to get them whilst the boss waited at the gate.
I caught two of the horses and started to wade my way back to the gate. The horses were trying to pick the best ground (as was I) so were walking well to the side of me. The third horse stayed under the hedge and then decided to follow, as I knew he would, he came at a canter and went between me and one of the lead horses.
I tried to hang on but had no chance, ended up flat on my face in the mud and wet.
The horse tool off at a gallop around the field whilst I tried to stand. I would extricate one leg or arm and then fall trying to get the other out of the human swallowing mud.
I finally managed to stand, the boss was concerned and asked if I was all right. I could just see myself and was in fits of laughter making one loud " Yuk!" before laughing.
I managed to get moving to the gate and the horses, warmed from their charge around came to the gate.

From that time on Boss would join me in laughing at incidents such as this - mostly happening to me rather than him but ditto if the boot was on the other foot.

A while after this an incident happened at the dairy farmer' who did all the land work for us.
I had been competing at a show and had taken his two children with me. I had sen to the horses and driven the two children home.
As I drove into the farm there was a cow trying to calve in the calving box. I told John that she looked as if she was having problems.
She was and John took her out of the stable and put her in a crush to straighten out the calf. The crush was near the collecting yard by the dairy.

John's wife, Chris, was injecting the cow with calcium and John got the leg of the calf straight and put the calving ropes on its feet.
He used the calving jack and got the calf so its legs and nose were out before the cow went down.
Now, we were in a drought situation and hosepipes were banned so the yard had not been washed down for a week or more.
Most will know that cow ****e spreads like no other so it was not easy to get a grip with your feet on the slippery ground.
John continued with the calving jack to get the calf born. He was on the ground sitting behind the cow, the calf was now front leg and head out but no further. The jack was out as far as it would go.
I helped by moving the ropes so they were above the calf's knees - it came as far as its shoulders.
Things were looking as if we were going to loose both calf and cow,
The calf was a monster.
It ended up with me sitting in front of John, he had the ropes and I had a towel wrapped around the calf's torso and, like rowing a boat, we pulled in harmony.
Finally he was born, and we lifted him to a clean stable waiting to see if the cow would stand.
John started to go on the his wife about the state of the yard - there was nothing she could do about it which he knew but, he had to have a go at someone.

I looked at him and he was covered in cow ****e and I knew I was as bad. Chris was not a lot better. The two children were clean as they were stood watching from the dairy. I started to laugh and when John wiped the sweat away from his brow with the back of his hand, he smeared more across his forehead which convulsed me.
Ignoring the rantings I started to laugh. Chris, the wife looked at me and as our eyes caught each other, she joined in. The children were laughing and all I could see was two people smeared in cow muck and knew I was in the same state.

Poor John never stood a chance. The more he ranted the more we laughed and in the end he had to give up - he looked at all of us and when he said "What's so funny?" we were off again.

Gasping all I could say was "Look at the state we are in!" Only then did he start to roar. Whilst we were still roaring, the cow calmly rose to her feet and wandered, a little stiffly, to the stable where he calf was.

I was fortunate to be brought up in a family that sees the funny side of life. In many situations when adversity seems to be weighing you down, there are two choices, you either laugh it away or you feel sorry for yourself and cry.
I have found the former a far better way of coping.
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    06-23-2012, 02:53 AM
Green Broke
Originally Posted by With Grace    
Stan I am laughing, trying to picture what your outfit looks like, because here in the states, these are leggings:

If these are what you are wearing, then you are a brave man, and, I can understand why your wife is not too happy about the cattle drive outfit you've chosen :)
The cattledrive sounds like so much fun, one day I am going to try one.
I think the correct name might be chafs or some thing like it.
    06-23-2012, 03:07 AM
Green Broke
Originally Posted by Stan    
I think the correct name might be chafs or some thing like it.

That photo, we call tights funny how over the world what is O/K in one neck of the woods, is a laugh in another.

Lucky I have developed a thick skin.

We went to a midd winter dress up dinner a night or two ago and the theme was a movie title.

My wife went as a gender bender of the man from snowy river, spurs and all.
I went as, The good the bad and the ugly, or was it Jed Clampit or one of the old werdo's in deliverence. Not sure, but that was the inpression I gave, not insulted they were all good shows.
    06-23-2012, 11:55 AM
Originally Posted by Stan    
That photo, we call tights funny how over the world what is O/K in one neck of the woods, is a laugh in another.


That's for sure - I learned that the hard way when in Ireland I commented my pants were wet...which translated to "I wet myself"
    06-23-2012, 12:02 PM
Grace, I laughed out loud at the legging picture! What a wake-up call that would be for "She" 'to see her Stan in that get-up! All he needs is blue leggins and a cape with a big "S" on it!

Stan, you're a good sport. I think here in the Midwest of the US the leather or suede leg coverings are called chinks, if they are long enough to cover most of the calf of the leg - or chaps if they go down to the heels of the boots. There are also some legging-type gear that are called half-chaps that go from the ankle to the knee...mostly worn by English riders to protect from the stirrup leathers and/or to give the look of an English riding boot.

I hope that when "She" sees your 63 year old hindquarters in the snug fitting leather that she changes her mind and lets you wear your outfit to the cattle drive. Perhaps you should practice strutting, so as to display the musculature to perfection. In halter horse world, it would be called a proper set-up and I think the Olympic body-builder competitions also have techniques to properly display the well-developed form. Perhaps she just needs her eyes examined, eh? LOL

Foxhunter, I admire your grace and sense of humor - You have to have a love of working for and around the animals, to put up with all you do. Plus, a level of skill to succeed despite what is thrown at you!
Stan and With Grace like this.
    06-23-2012, 12:28 PM
Super Moderator
Many years ago my Aunt bought a pair of men's long johns for Uncle as he was working a lot in big commercial freezers. They were a little different to the norm in that they were bright green with nude ladies sat under a palm tree drinking champagne.

I was given them as it was thought my father would be more likely to wear them. Dad never had a chance because I knew that these would raise many a laugh.

First time I wore them I was going hunting. I had changed and instead of pulling my breeches on I just had the long johns on.
I asked the owners where I was working, what they thought of my new breeches - they admired them seriously. A man mending the TV looked around just as I said "They have got lovely deep pockets" shoving my hands down the fly.

As I rode up the drive (complete with breeches) so the TV man looked out the window to see if I had just the LJs on.

Oh how I loved those things, they were warm and comfortable. I didn't care what I looked like as long as I was warm and clean.

One day it snowed heavily mid afternoon. I drove along to the village to the butchers who remarked at how I must be feeling cold. I denied this telling him that I had breeches on under my jeans, and LJs - the like of which he would never have seen before.
We ended up betting a chunk of prime steak so I dropped my jeans, breeches and revealed the LJs, much to the humour of the butchers. I won the bet.

I go by what I have said, clean and comfortable.
Ladytrails and With Grace like this.
    06-23-2012, 12:31 PM
Foxhunter, I would have lost that bet, too - never have I heard or seen before such artistic LJ's! LOL
    06-23-2012, 12:42 PM
Super Moderator
Originally Posted by Ladytrails    
Foxhunter, I admire your grace and sense of humor - You have to have a love of working for and around the animals, to put up with all you do. Plus, a level of skill to succeed despite what is thrown at you!
I am sure that `stan will agree with me that those in the southern hemisphere and those in the UK have a very similar sense of humour.
I am not being rude and hope no one takes it the wrong way but we have an ability to see the funny side of things that Americans cannot.

As said, I grew up with learning to laugh at adversity - my family would laugh at an old lady slipping up on a banana skin - we would be the first to help but would see the funny side of it.

An example of this was when I was 14. I took a bad fall from a mare. All I remember is sitting against an oak tree watching her backside descending towards me and thinking "This is going to hurt!"
I had a broken nose, my top teeth were knocked backwards and my lips badly bitten. The top one was split like a hair lip.
I stayed at the stables for the rest of the day and on going home had the wrong sort of bus ticket and had to go on to the next stop (the terminal) to sort it out.
By this time my eyes were swollen, my nose was swollen but I could still see my top lip protruding above my nose.
My sister and cousin had got off the bus at the normal stop so were in before me.
Mum was cooking chips (fries) and she turned from the cooker with the fry basket in her hand and a plate under it. She took one look at me, sat on her chair, covered her face with her hands and was crying with laughter.
Her first words were "You won't want vinegar on your fries!"
Her next were "Get up to the doctors."
Surgery had finished but I knocked on the door and his wife opened it. She called out "Darling, it is Linda."
He replied from his surgery "Kick, bite or a fall?"

Mum was a brilliant nurse in caring for us when ill but no way was she ever sympathetic.
Ladytrails and Stan like this.
    06-23-2012, 01:23 PM
Green Broke
Thank you all for the comments on my tights,leggings,chaps,chafs but I will not look like a male dancer. But, I would probibly look good wearing any of the above.

Its 05-00am Sunday morning she who must be obeyed is still in the scratcher I had to check out the weather forcast. Not good. Its raining cats and dogs at present hard enough one can hear them when they hit the roof and its windy.

As we all know animals turn the butts into the rain and wind and we are going to try and drive them into the weather 400 cows, women on horses, and coming up the rear two cowboys wearing what ever one calls them but, both looking good.

For those that are interested, the drive starts at 09-00 and will be on highway 12 and Omamari road northland New Zealand, Google earth at 0930 and I will wave. Big brother is watching us.
    06-23-2012, 01:30 PM
Stan - what's "the scratcher?"

Am going to google earth at 9:30 just to see the leggings...

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