Horse talk for mature people over 40 - Page 509 - The Horse Forum
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post #5081 of 29437 Old 08-22-2012, 04:29 PM
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Awe so sorry Susan, big hugs to you.
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post #5082 of 29437 Old 08-22-2012, 05:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stan View Post
I also remember the days when a teacher had control of their class, and if any adult frowned on me it would send me home. In other words I knew how to behave. Now the kids don't have respect for them selves, how can society expect them to respect our rights. Now those same children are becoming parents while still children Not a lot of hope for the future if it continues.
My maternal Grandmother, a wise woman, always said "It takes a man and a woman to make a child but a town to make a respecting adult."

Gone are the days when any child caught doing something wrong by an adult was reprimanded and how was it that by the time you got home your parents had already heard about it - when hardly anyone had a phone?

Guilty or not you got a telling off and no excuses were accepted.

Told off or given a detention at school was never questioned as to whether it was 'fair' or not. Complain it wasn't and you were told that life was not fair so get on with it.

I haven't any children of my own but have had many dumped on me over the years. They all benefit from the same treatment as the horses, firm fair consistent and fun. Tight boundaries to start which widen as trust is proven worthy.
Praise is also important.
I set even the youngest children that come here, little jobs, they can hold a hose and fill a bucket (and their boots), little brooms and wheelbarrows and they love to take poop to the muck heap, thanks and praise results in big smiles and puffed out chests. It has probably taken me three times as long and has to be redone but these little ones grow and soon become useful.

Many times I have had problem children come my way. I tell the parent (usually there is only one) that when in my care my rules apply. I will correct bad behaviour or language and warn that if they continue there will be whatever as punishment. That punishment is carried out if the behaviour continues. Then it is forgotten, done and dusted. It doesn't take long before these kids are following like shadows. They need to know where they stand and given the chance, they will prove to be decent people.

Children only have the right to be safe and well cared for with love, they have to earn the right to have a say!

As for bullying, there was no bigger bully than me! In my defence I will say that I would always be a protector, if I saw someone being bullied or an animal cruelly treated, then I would go in defence of that person/animal.

Stan is correct in stating that horses and all animals can give a lot to troubled children, and adults. I had several groups of them come to one of the riding schools I once ran.
One lad, about 13 years was brushing a pony. The pony swished his tail at a horsefly and got the lad across the face. Immediately the lad kicked the pony in the belly. He was stood by the pony's shoulder looking at me when I yelled at him.
The pony looked at me, looked down and moved his foot to stand on the lads foot, immediately putting his weight on that front foot and refusing to move. That lad hollered loud and long before the pony moved.
He learned a lesson, ponies are perfectly capable of revenge and better a toe trodden on than a kick in the gut.
That lad started to skip school to be at the stables. He would be dragged back to school and be back at the stables within a couple of hours. It was quite funny. He was learning more there than at school. His literacy was very poor and I basically taught him to read from comics. The words were phonetically possible, pictures gave clues and no horses unless he read so many pages. It worked. He was not a bad kid, just bad parents and written off by those in contracted to help him. At thirteen he had already had two years of psychological help and basically written off by the woman.

Very few bad children are born, they are made by people around them.
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post #5083 of 29437 Old 08-22-2012, 05:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Foxhunter View Post
My maternal Grandmother, a wise woman, always said "It takes a man and a woman to make a child but a town to make a respecting adult."

Gone are the days when any child caught doing something wrong by an adult was reprimanded and how was it that by the time you got home your parents had already heard about it - when hardly anyone had a phone?

Guilty or not you got a telling off and no excuses were accepted.

Told off or given a detention at school was never questioned as to whether it was 'fair' or not. Complain it wasn't and you were told that life was not fair so get on with it.

I haven't any children of my own but have had many dumped on me over the years. They all benefit from the same treatment as the horses, firm fair consistent and fun. Tight boundaries to start which widen as trust is proven worthy.
Praise is also important.
I set even the youngest children that come here, little jobs, they can hold a hose and fill a bucket (and their boots), little brooms and wheelbarrows and they love to take poop to the muck heap, thanks and praise results in big smiles and puffed out chests. It has probably taken me three times as long and has to be redone but these little ones grow and soon become useful.

Many times I have had problem children come my way. I tell the parent (usually there is only one) that when in my care my rules apply. I will correct bad behaviour or language and warn that if they continue there will be whatever as punishment. That punishment is carried out if the behaviour continues. Then it is forgotten, done and dusted. It doesn't take long before these kids are following like shadows. They need to know where they stand and given the chance, they will prove to be decent people.

Children only have the right to be safe and well cared for with love, they have to earn the right to have a say!

As for bullying, there was no bigger bully than me! In my defence I will say that I would always be a protector, if I saw someone being bullied or an animal cruelly treated, then I would go in defence of that person/animal.

Stan is correct in stating that horses and all animals can give a lot to troubled children, and adults. I had several groups of them come to one of the riding schools I once ran.
One lad, about 13 years was brushing a pony. The pony swished his tail at a horsefly and got the lad across the face. Immediately the lad kicked the pony in the belly. He was stood by the pony's shoulder looking at me when I yelled at him.
The pony looked at me, looked down and moved his foot to stand on the lads foot, immediately putting his weight on that front foot and refusing to move. That lad hollered loud and long before the pony moved.
He learned a lesson, ponies are perfectly capable of revenge and better a toe trodden on than a kick in the gut.
That lad started to skip school to be at the stables. He would be dragged back to school and be back at the stables within a couple of hours. It was quite funny. He was learning more there than at school. His literacy was very poor and I basically taught him to read from comics. The words were phonetically possible, pictures gave clues and no horses unless he read so many pages. It worked. He was not a bad kid, just bad parents and written off by those in contracted to help him. At thirteen he had already had two years of psychological help and basically written off by the woman.

Very few bad children are born, they are made by people around them.

Hear hear
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post #5084 of 29437 Old 08-22-2012, 05:55 PM
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When I was about 13 I had taken a neighbours dog out and when walking back up from the beach, Pip dropped her ball. It ran down the hill and through some railings and into a wishing well.
This was a charity collection pond with three bells - throw a coin hit a bell and make a wish.
As it was winter there were few coins in there. I went over the railings and collected the ball. At that point a cop saw me and refused to accept that I had only fetched the ball. He walked me back to my home and told my mother that not only had I been caught stealing I had been stealing charity money.
Mum just looked at me and knew it wasn't true. She turned to the cop and asked "Did she have her coat on?"
"Yes." he replied.
"Well then," asked Mum, "How dod she get money out of a 2 feet deep pond without getting her arm or coat wet?"
He blustered and said I could have taken it off and put it back on before climbing back over.
The look Mum gave him was enough to make him back out the door apologising.

I might have ended up with a criminal record!
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post #5085 of 29437 Old 08-22-2012, 08:27 PM
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Foxhunter, everything that you write is wise... I think you have much wisdom, you must take after your Grandmother! :)
I(okay had a little help from hubby) raised 5 children, and though it was hard at times, I didn't want any of them spoilt, so I learned to let them try things that others cringed at, tried to teach them by example, and wasn't above a paddling when they needed it. The oldest is 32, the youngest 24, and they are all caring, loving adults. Not only to me, but others, and animals too!
Stan likes this.

Chance~
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post #5086 of 29437 Old 08-22-2012, 08:27 PM
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Come on Stan, post a joke or two, I will look forward to a laugh in the morning with my coffee! ;)

Chance~
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post #5087 of 29437 Old 08-22-2012, 09:25 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Foxhunter View Post
My maternal Grandmother, a wise woman, always said "It takes a man and a woman to make a child but a town to make a respecting adult."

Gone are the days when any child caught doing something wrong by an adult was reprimanded and how was it that by the time you got home your parents had already heard about it - when hardly anyone had a phone?

Guilty or not you got a telling off and no excuses were accepted.

Told off or given a detention at school was never questioned as to whether it was 'fair' or not. Complain it wasn't and you were told that life was not fair so get on with it.

I haven't any children of my own but have had many dumped on me over the years. They all benefit from the same treatment as the horses, firm fair consistent and fun. Tight boundaries to start which widen as trust is proven worthy.
Praise is also important.
I set even the youngest children that come here, little jobs, they can hold a hose and fill a bucket (and their boots), little brooms and wheelbarrows and they love to take poop to the muck heap, thanks and praise results in big smiles and puffed out chests. It has probably taken me three times as long and has to be redone but these little ones grow and soon become useful.

Many times I have had problem children come my way. I tell the parent (usually there is only one) that when in my care my rules apply. I will correct bad behaviour or language and warn that if they continue there will be whatever as punishment. That punishment is carried out if the behaviour continues. Then it is forgotten, done and dusted. It doesn't take long before these kids are following like shadows. They need to know where they stand and given the chance, they will prove to be decent people.

Children only have the right to be safe and well cared for with love, they have to earn the right to have a say!

As for bullying, there was no bigger bully than me! In my defence I will say that I would always be a protector, if I saw someone being bullied or an animal cruelly treated, then I would go in defence of that person/animal.

Stan is correct in stating that horses and all animals can give a lot to troubled children, and adults. I had several groups of them come to one of the riding schools I once ran.
One lad, about 13 years was brushing a pony. The pony swished his tail at a horsefly and got the lad across the face. Immediately the lad kicked the pony in the belly. He was stood by the pony's shoulder looking at me when I yelled at him.
The pony looked at me, looked down and moved his foot to stand on the lads foot, immediately putting his weight on that front foot and refusing to move. That lad hollered loud and long before the pony moved.
He learned a lesson, ponies are perfectly capable of revenge and better a toe trodden on than a kick in the gut.
That lad started to skip school to be at the stables. He would be dragged back to school and be back at the stables within a couple of hours. It was quite funny. He was learning more there than at school. His literacy was very poor and I basically taught him to read from comics. The words were phonetically possible, pictures gave clues and no horses unless he read so many pages. It worked. He was not a bad kid, just bad parents and written off by those in contracted to help him. At thirteen he had already had two years of psychological help and basically written off by the woman.

Very few bad children are born, they are made by people around them.
great story

Country Woman

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post #5088 of 29437 Old 08-22-2012, 09:57 PM
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Wow, such great people here! For years, when I had my breeding racing farm I had Justice System kids (out of jail) in foster care. The horses (dogs, cats etc), gave them a life they had never had. Had to take them to court, probation officers, counselling, but all the pro's could not believe the difference in the kids. Rules were simple--get your ass outta bed and come help feed, then go to school. The fridge was always open (some foster people don't allow that). The horses made such a huge impact on them all though. Have some really funny stories though--one morning a kiddo was up with me early and said he "had something to show me". He brought down an 8' boa constrictor and put her on the table. Well, she became "snakelet" and we loved her, took her everywhere. He thought he was going to freak me out. Kid is now an adult, solid citizen.
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post #5089 of 29437 Old 08-22-2012, 11:35 PM
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Stan, when I read your post "So my opinion is if you spare the rod you spoil the child," I swear I thought I heard the echo of the voice of God. (only half joking) I never felt compelled to over-use the rod when my kids were growing up, but in my experience, if youngsters are acquainted with it, they will make better choices!

Foxhunter, I love the philoscopy of firm, fair consistent & fun!
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post #5090 of 29437 Old 08-23-2012, 01:18 AM
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I too got paddled as a child. Mum was always fair and gave a warning - then if we continued to argue she would slap us all - friends included!

She would use her hand on either out butts, top of arms or top of legs. She never hit us around the face except when we were older and that was with a wet dish cloth, more in jest than anything else.

The last time Mum slapped me was when I was about 20. It was Christmas daym Dad had been out delivering gifts to friends and returned home rather the worse for drink. He was always funny when tight, which rarely ever happened.
I remarked, as hee tripped over his own feet "Dad's pissed!"
Mum immediately grabbed my arm, pulled it out straight and with her other hand slapped me on the top arm saying "I - slap - hate - slap - that -slap - word! - slap"
MY automatic reaction was to cry. Not because it hurt but because if you didn't when a child, you got another!
Mum immediately apologised and I laughed. I was easily able to knock her off her feet in retaliation but it never even crossed my mind. She was another 'she who must be obeyed!'
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