How do I convince my parents about buying a horse? - Page 6
 
 

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How do I convince my parents about buying a horse?

This is a discussion on How do I convince my parents about buying a horse? within the Horse Talk forums, part of the Keeping and Caring for Horses category

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        07-31-2012, 01:17 AM
      #51
    Yearling
    Heck I'm 23 this week and I live under my parents roof therefore I abide by their rules or I move out. Why do I live there? Because I can't afford to move out between working part time, instructing, going to uni, doing 2 days a week volunteer work to further my career and of course owning 2 horses.

    Prin was a free lease when I was 15, free agistment, most feed provided and thanks to the ground and her feet no farrier her feet magically trimmed themselves! I was INSANELY lucky. Ella I was given around my 18th really I wasn't prepared for either of them.

    Somewhere along the line prin became mine. I didn't need a vet until I'd taken over full care fo both horses and had a job that was sheer dumb luck. Even then there are days I struggle.

    My parents are amazing if I need money for something it goes on the tab. Medication, farrier etc It took me a long time to prove myself. Before owning prin I worked at a riding school every weekend and as often as I could on the holidays. All gear I pay for or we agree that it's a present. Birthday, Xmas etc

    I'd look at a lease horse much cheaper and if it doesn't go right easier to keep looking
    myhorsesonador likes this.
         
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        08-04-2012, 12:10 AM
      #52
    Yearling
    Okay, let's clear up some simple things people have apparently forgotten.

    1. Kids really aren't supposed to move out until they are 18. That is when they are an ADULT. Someone under the age of 18 is still a KID.

    1A. By the way, a KID can be just as smart, if not smarter, than an ADULT at times. Yes, adults tend to have more experience in life, but that doesn't mean a kid doesn't understand what an adult does understand.

    2. In most places, you CANNOT get hired until you are 16. There are too many laws about 14 and 15 year olds being employed for most places to want to deal with hiring them. And there are rules about when 14 and 15 year olds can work, how many hours a day they can work, and how many hours a week they can work. There's certain machines 14 and 15 year olds can't run, and they can't cashier in some places because they can't sell alcohol, cigarettes, or lottery tickets.

    2A. A parent might refuse to let a child have a job due to lack of transportation or time. In one of my college classes, a study said that teenagers with part-time jobs tended to do worse in school. School is the #1 priority. So I can see where a parent would not want a child to work.

    3. There's a difference between nagging and persuasion. Nagging is like a little dog pulling and pulling on your pant leg. Persuasion is an art. It's making the better argument - oh, and by the way - argument can be used in different ways, such as arguing for a DEBATE.

    4. Generally, it's quite rude to squash people's passions and bring them down. I think HF, whenever you log on, reminds you to post in a HELPFUL and CHEERFUL manner. Being super critical and yelling at this person for posting this is borderline rude. If you're an adult, be one and act like one.

    5. There are many young people on this forum. There doesn't seem to be an age limit on Horse Talk. If you want an adult conversation, go to the Saloon.

    Point blank: Be helpful. Kids have limits and restrictions. THEY ARE NOT ADULTS. I'd hate to think some people speak this way in real life. That is not the way to get around in the world. Be tactful. Be generous and kind. BE TACTFUL.

    OP, keep on trying. Don't listen to those that are trying to squelch your efforts.
         
        08-04-2012, 12:33 AM
      #53
    Yearling
    Quote:
    No sorry, your wrong with that last part. I'm 19, and if my parents said no it means NO. If I were to push it, I'd not only have my butt busted, I'd be grounded.

    I think it's ungreatful to beg for some thing that costs so much. Not only does it cost a lot, but it is an inconveniance to the whole family.
    How dare you insinuate that I am ungrateful. I am grateful for everything I have in life- my family isn't rich, and I know how hard they work to pay for everything they get for us, and I know that a luxury like horses puts a strain on the budget. I live it and breathe it every single day of my life, especially at school, when I work my butt off in order to make my parents proud. I am extremely grateful, and I know that I could not be riding horses.

    Because there was a point in my life, not long ago, where I wasn't riding horses. I couldn't even see them. I borrowed every single non-fiction book my local library had on horses, and read them all front to back, and probably most of the fiction ones as well. I asked my parents- politely- if I could maybe go on a trail ride.

    "No, sorry."

    So you know what I did? I wrote letters to my parents. I asked them. I explained my reasoning, and left the room frustrated many times.

    And I never gave up. Eventually, I got to go to a horse camp once a summer- five or six days of riding a year. And I was so happy.

    But, you know what? Five or six days wasn't enough. Not by a long shot. So it was trail rides on special occasions. And then, after much searching, and more persuasion, I got lessons every other week. It was a LOT of riding for me, something I thought I'd never have.

    Then, the lessons went from every other week to every week.

    This June, I showed the grades I had worked hard for to my parents- and I got to lease. The entire summer.

    A show in June, and one coming up in August. Possibly more to come later.

    I wasn't handed riding. I worked tooth and nail to get it, a piece at a time, trying to get my parents to understand- even a little- what I was doing and why, and why I should be doing it.

    IF I had accepted no for an answer, I wouldn't be where I am right now.

    And no, my parents would not "bust my butt" or ground me just for asking for something I love to do, because they KNOW that I work hard, try my best in school, don't break any rules, and all that stuff. They KNOW I'm grateful for everything I get and more. That's the only reason they're letting me ride- my Dad has said it to me several times, and they expect the best out of me. I give it to them.

    It doesn't inconvenience my family, at the end of the day, they like and are proud that they can give me this gift.

    That's why I believe in working for what you are passionate about. That's why I believe in persuading, and asking, and doing WHATEVER in order to get to your goal. It's why I don't think you should let one "no", or a thousand "no"s get in the way of your dream. If you want it, ASK FOR IT, the worst they can say is "no"- again, and again, possibly. I found it necessary to ask in order to prove that it wasn't a phase, OP. And if I can do it, you, and nearly anyone, can.

    TL;DR: Asking your parents for something has not and never will be a sin.
         
        08-04-2012, 12:43 AM
      #54
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Cinder    
    But, you know what? Five or six days wasn't enough. Not by a long shot.
    And that's not ungreatful? If I could even get that I'd be happy, lots of people would be happy to have even that.

    What you did, was nag, and it worked. If I did that, I already told you what would happen.
         
        08-04-2012, 12:50 AM
      #55
    Foal
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by myhorsesonador    
    And that's not ungreatful? If I could even get that I'd be happy, lots of people would be happy to have even that.

    What you did, was nag, and it worked. If I did that, I already told you what would happen.

    5 or 6 days a YEAR.... not week. I'm sorry I've been reading this thread because it took a lot for me to get where I am and I have to say enough is enough! Honestly if you had a child that REALLY wanted something so bad they could feel it in their bones and you kept saying 'no, no no' without even trying to find a way for them to even participate after showing their responsibility with good grades, manners and helping around the house and you still say no? Well I hope I'm never that type of parent. Helping your child find a way to do what they love is not the same as handing it to them. Whining and carrying on while doing nothing....that's nagging. BIG difference.
    Cinder and chrislynnet like this.
         
        08-04-2012, 12:54 AM
      #56
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Gunnerssugarbar    
    5 or 6 days a YEAR.... not week. I'm sorry I've been reading this thread because it took a lot for me to get where I am and I have to say enough is enough! Honestly if you had a child that REALLY wanted something so bad they could feel it in their bones and you kept saying 'no, no no' without even trying to find a way for them to even participate after showing their responsibility with good grades, manners and helping around the house and you still say no? Well I hope I'm never that type of parent. Helping your child find a way to do what they love is not the same as handing it to them. Whining and carrying on while doing nothing....that's nagging. BIG difference.
    Well horses cost money, it doesn't grow on trees. Good grades, and chores don't turn into money. It's not the job of a parent to give you every thing you want, it's to raise you the best they can, and turn you into a responsible adult. Not a nagging brat that pesters till they get what they want.
         
        08-04-2012, 01:04 AM
      #57
    Foal
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by myhorsesonador    
    Well horses cost money, it doesn't grow on trees. Good grades, and chores don't turn into money. It's not the job of a parent to give you every thing you want, it's to raise you the best they can, and turn you into a responsible adult. Not a nagging brat that pesters till they get what they want.
    Like I said..enough is enough. I think that's enough of calling people nagging brats.
    Cinder likes this.
         
        08-04-2012, 01:45 AM
      #58
    Yearling
    Quote:
    nd that's not ungreatful? If I could even get that I'd be happy, lots of people would be happy to have even that.

    What you did, was nag, and it worked. If I did that, I already told you what would happen.
    From the posts you've done on this forum, I got the idea you ride more than five or six times a year?

    I KNOW lots of people would be happy with that, and I WAS. I was thrilled. I planned and looked forward ALL YEAR to that. BUT my love of horses wasn't completely satisfied or content with a bit less than a week of riding time in a year.

    I guess you could say I nagged. If that makes me a bad daughter, I guess I must be horrible! I mean, I could be doing drugs or something, but nope. Obviously I'm horrible enough as it is.

    Quote:
    Well horses cost money, it doesn't grow on trees. Good grades, and chores don't turn into money. It's not the job of a parent to give you every thing you want, it's to raise you the best they can, and turn you into a responsible adult. Not a nagging brat that pesters till they get what they want.
    My parents don't give me everything I want- if they did, oh my, I would have books, electronics, riding clothes, GALORE. Galore, I say. However, they picked what I like the most- riding- and pay for that and what is necessary, such as food, clothes, etc. Very little else.

    Well, off to be a horrible daughter!
         
        08-04-2012, 02:02 AM
      #59
    Weanling
    As a parent, I still say horses are a major luxury. If my family were to find ourselves in financial trouble, the horse would be one of the first expenses we cut (saving us close to $700 per month). It would be devastating because I love that horse almost as much as my daughter does. However, if I have to prioritize, our home, water, lights and food for the family would always come first.

    While I try to be honest with my daughter regarding our financial situation, I know many parents that are not comfortable sharing that information with their kids. To the OP, I don't know how much information you know about your family's financials, but if you are determined to have your own horse than you need to present a better argument than "I really want one and it would be SO rewarding if you bought me one!".

    There is another young person on this forum who has done her research and is putting together a realistic proposal for her parents' consideration. That's the best method for convincing parents you are serious. The answer may still be No... But perhaps your parents will open up and explain their reasoning giving you a better understanding of what you need to do to overcome their objections.

    Until you are an independent adult paying your own way, your parents DO get the final say... And you need to accept that.
    Posted via Mobile Device
         
        08-04-2012, 07:59 AM
      #60
    Foal
    Well, I was another kid who never got a horse. Started asking when I was 5 or 6, and I tried every trick in the book. It has nothing to do with not deserving the horse or my parents not supporting my passions.

    The cost is more of an issue than you can imagine - if your parents are paying for the horse, even if you're helping, they are taking on the responsibility of that horse. If that horse needs vet care, it's their call. If you get bored of the horse, it's on them to care for it and/or find a buyer for it. That's a lot to ask of someone.

    It took me a long time to realize that the reason my parents never got me a horse was because in the end it would be their animal, and they didn't want a horse. The health board on here is full of young horse owners who, when faced with a medical issue, have their hands tied because their parents are not horse people, don't know when a vet is warranted, and are ultimately responsible for making the call.

    I watched a lot of friends get horses of their own. Trust me, spending your teen years horseless isn't the end of the world. Not having a horse of my own meant I rode a huge variety of horses. I learned how to handle all sorts of training issues this way. I learned a lot from watching my friends and their own horses from the sidelines - the downside to horse ownership; colic, freak accidents, progressive lameness, and the emotional and financial toll it takes to be attached to a horse you can no longer ride. I was lucky enough to learn from mistakes without having made them.

    Most of all, many of my friends had to sell their horses when they started college. Your parents aren't going to pay for this horse forever, and college/university is extremely expensive. My friends had to deal with the heartbreak of losing their best friend after only a few short years, in order to get the education they needed to be able to afford a horse on their own in the future. Granted, there are many people on here who have been able to juggle horse ownership and post secondary education, but it's a hard way to go.

    Your parents are well aware you want a horse. If they change their minds, you'll get a horse. 5 years is nothing, and in no time you'll be on your own to purchase your own horse. Take that time to ride as many different horses are you can, gain some experience and learn as much as you can. Focus on school and figure out what kind of career will play to your strengths and get you the horse you want. You've mentioned a couple of horses you've fallen in love with - there will be plenty of those. Appreciate them and learn from them. Same with your parents, appreciate them, share your passion with them and respect their limitations.
    equiniphile likes this.
         

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