How do I deal with this?
 
 

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How do I deal with this?

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  • I'm having severe anxiety while watching my daughter ride horses

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  • 3 Post By AlexS

 
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    02-20-2013, 02:16 AM
  #1
Yearling
How do I deal with this?

I have written about this before, it has gotten better, but she is still a little monster (in my eyes).

This fifteen year old girl in my equestrian team is still driving me nuts. I had moved to NY for a little while, and I hear she had come to a very fine line of getting kicked out for her laziness, rude behavior, and ill mannerisms. Somehow she rebounded and is able to stay, despite her snark and back talk.

Whenever she is handling a horse, I can't focus on anything else because I'm afraid she, the horse, or someone else are going to get hurt. She is heavy handed with the horses while riding and on the ground. For example, Brown was confused by her lack/poor cuing. She took it upon herself to start yanking on the lead rope. Thankfully the leadrope came undone (I just did a quick square knot because both halter and leadrope are mine, and I don't have a clip yet). The halter we normally use doesn't have excess knots and is softer/more worn than mine which is stiffer, and has large knots on the nose band. I have seen her yank his nose, and the other horse's nose, as a means of discipline multiple times. Makes me cringe.

She is not very gentle in the horse's mouths. She is very in it and has more contact than necessary on a shanked bit. She rides like you would english on a western bit, and you can see the horse in question, in this reference, Brown, gaping his mouth and evading the bit. He tucks his head in and sometimes shakes it. I know when I get too into his mouth accidentally he will toss his head.

She was riding bareback and all I saw while she was riding were very "live" hands. They weren't steady and they were pulling slightly on the horse's mouth. My instructor had told her once to get out of another horse's mouth, as he has nervous issues and or needs a new bit, and it is also a curb, but not as long as Brown's. But she was still in his mouth.

I told her the mechanics of the shank, saying its not like a snaffle which has 1:1 ratio of pressure. You need to be on looser reign. It got ignored.

She has actually gotten yelled at publically for being in another horse's mouth, when the owner caught her doing it. Yet it doesn't seem to change anything.

The worst part is she was showing another greenie who is her friend how to do stuff. I -really- don't want to deal with another sass brat who doesn't listen and thinks all horses are good for is running them...

I have been told not to argue with her because I am an adult, and she is the child, and I am in the wrong for arguing with a child. But how in the living hell can I get through to her? It is driving me nuts and I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack watching and waiting for the day she serious @#)*$ up one of the horses.
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    02-20-2013, 02:28 AM
  #2
Banned
In life you will run into lots of people like this, in the horse world, even more so.

All you can do is decide how much is affects you. If she is bratty to you, don't tolerate that. If she is saying something to you tell her that you will end the conversation if she can't talk to you with manners and class. If she refuses, walk away. Repeat as necessary.

As far as the horse, talk to the instructors, then mind your own. There's nothing else you can do.
     
    02-20-2013, 02:30 AM
  #3
Yearling
Right. Thank you.

I do intend on having a private chat displaying my concerns when an opportunity becomes available. But I fear I may be beating a dead horse, so to speak.
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    02-20-2013, 02:51 AM
  #4
Banned
Probably. I think you are better talking to the instructors, than the person themselves.

The horse world is rough. Everyone thinks they are an expert and if you tell a beginner they are doing something unsafe or unkind they react like they are an expert.

I haven't figured it out myself other than stepping in for clear serious abuse, like a severe beating and walking away from the rest.
     
    02-20-2013, 03:10 AM
  #5
Yearling
We shall see. My instructor is wanting more coaches for specific things, so I tossed my hand to the pot. How soon he impliments it, I'm not sure. Or even if I will get the "position".

It just kind of sucks because she wears everyone out with it, and I think she could really benefit with a serious attitude adjustment and "training". Her seat is good-- except when its in a chair position. But who knows. It could just be that she's a teenager.
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    02-20-2013, 03:17 AM
  #6
Banned
Totally understand that she wears people out. Start an alt group to her, make friends with the good people, and then she will be the outsider.

Oh and best wishes getting the job.
     
    02-20-2013, 03:31 AM
  #7
Yearling
Thank you! Its just a volunteer thing, but it would make me happy. : ) something to strive for.

Thank you again, hopefully everything sorts out.
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    02-20-2013, 10:44 PM
  #8
Weanling
Who does the horse belong to? If it wasn't hers, I'd expect the owners to be upset at the treatment. I'd slap anyone who deliberately continued to yank my horse's mouth when told otherwise...

And honestly, why on earth is she allowed to behave like this? Whoever is running the place needs to get a backbone and enforce some discipline. At every club/school/whatever I've been involved in the instructors/leaders would never tolerate bad attitude or less than ideal treatment of a horse.
     
    02-20-2013, 10:48 PM
  #9
Yearling
The horse is her Grandmother's. Her mother goes to practices, but isn't very horsey. But she is generally the disciplinarian. We aren't an official organization, just a group of volunteers. She has actually gotten yelled at, and disciplined (and almost punched in the face by myself) quite a bit. But the instructor gives her the benefit of the doubt because she has good days, and bad. And I've heard him say that she has gotten better, so that's part of the reason he let's her stick around.
     

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