How do you get over a lost horse? - The Horse Forum
 8Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 13 Old 08-19-2011, 04:09 AM Thread Starter
Foal
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 201
• Horses: 3
How do you get over a lost horse?

I lost my lease horse Shadow over 6 months ago due to some stupid circumstances..I thought I was over her by now, but just a few weeks ago I got my VERY OWN HORSE for the first time! But I can't seem to connect with him like I did Shadow. Don't get me wrong, I adore this boy, but I just can't let go of Shadow. I poured all my effort and every ounce of strength. I spent thousands of tears, laughs, and whispered prayers with Shadow, just to have is cut short by her owner's one bad decision. How can I let go?

No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle. ~Winston Churchill
ShadowSpazzz is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 13 Old 08-19-2011, 04:29 AM
Foal
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 164
• Horses: 0
Sometimes you don't "get over" a loss but you merely learn to live without.

If you harbor resentment towards the owner, then you need to forgive him/her for your own good. Keep in mind that no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. And sometimes people do things we disagree with. Also, you may not know all the factors that lead to the owner's decision. Sometimes we disagree yet still have to accept that a decision was made and we have to accept the position in which we have been placed as a result of that decision.

Not everything is in our control. However what IS in your control is how much energy and time you spend focusing on what you no longer have instead of actively focusing on what you DO have. Honestly it takes practice like everything else. But when you find yourself feeling sad or resentful over your loss, the best thing to do is refocus your thoughts to your new horse and what your hopes and plans are for this new guy. Keep things in perspective. There is a lot to be happy about when you have your very own horse - so keeping bringing your focus back to him.
Cat, ohmyitschelle, Arksly and 1 others like this.
catsandhorses is offline  
post #3 of 13 Old 08-19-2011, 02:22 PM Thread Starter
Foal
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 201
• Horses: 3
Thank you :) I have forgiven the owner, as she has taught me most everything I know. My new horse is a yearling and sometimes I just wanna ride! lol

No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle. ~Winston Churchill
ShadowSpazzz is offline  
post #4 of 13 Old 08-19-2011, 02:43 PM
Green Broke
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Vidor, Texas
Posts: 2,805
• Horses: 3
You've probably connected more than you realize with your new horse! Give it time, your new boy is very young and there is plenty of time to get to kn ow each other. Good luck.
gigem88 is offline  
post #5 of 13 Old 08-19-2011, 03:11 PM
Foal
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 122
• Horses: 2
It is really hard, and you don't really ever get over it, but it does become easier and less painful. I'm coming up on a year since my filly, Pia, colicked and didn't make it - the less I focus on it the better I do.

When I got my next mare after her, I was quite sure for a long time that I'd made a huge mistake in getting another horse so soon afterwards, and just didn't feel like we were bonding at all. It took a bit, and once I'd sent her to the trainer, and started seriously working with her and gaining her trust, she really blossomed. I'm happy I ended up with her after all, but there's still times when I just really wish I'd been more able to help Pia, especially right around now.
Posted via Mobile Device
bubbleslove is offline  
post #6 of 13 Old 08-19-2011, 03:22 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In a land far far away, or so I wish.
Posts: 12,825
• Horses: 0
Sometimes it is very hard to make ourselves remember that nothing ever replaces the special animals in our lives. We just have to enjoy the memories and try to make new memories with our new life experiences.

It is not fair to a new animal if we expect them to live up to what we have in our minds our past animal was.
Alwaysbehind is offline  
post #7 of 13 Old 08-19-2011, 03:25 PM
Showing
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Just south of sanity
Posts: 16,324
• Horses: 3
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShadowSpazzz View Post
How can I let go?
Well, it's not like Shadow died, which is what I thought when I saw the title of your thread.

I'm not unsympathetic, but you knew going in that this was a lease situation. It hardly qualifies as an actual loss though, since you know where she is, who she's with, and that she's alive and healthy.

Come back and talk to me about loss when you actually lose one to death. I know far too much about that type of loss.

In the meantime, stop comparing your youngster to Shadow. He deserves his own niche in your heart, not just as a replacement for somebody elses horse.

You want the truth? You can't HANDLE the truth!
Speed Racer is online now  
post #8 of 13 Old 08-19-2011, 08:33 PM
Started
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Middle-of-Nowhere, Illinois
Posts: 2,225
• Horses: 1
You don't get over it. You just get used to them not being there. Been there, done that, and I know how much it sucks to have a special horse disappear right out from under you. But I think Speed Racer has an excellent point. It sounds like she's still alive, so be happy about that. It could be a lot worse.

It's all in the way you see it. You should just concentrate on how lucky you are to have your own horse now. He's brand new and you can't expect to have that connection after just a couple weeks. Focus on the positive.

Edit: I just saw on her page that she did pass away. I'm terribly sorry. But you have a new love, and he is still very young and can't be expected to live up to Shadow just yet. Like I said, focus on the good things. You'll always miss Shadow, but you can't dwell on it or think about what could have been. You just have to buckle up and move on.

"A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is ultimately to be at peace with himself.
What a man can be, he must be.
" Abraham Maslow, 1968

Last edited by Jessabel; 08-19-2011 at 08:41 PM.
Jessabel is offline  
post #9 of 13 Old 08-19-2011, 08:57 PM
Showing
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 11,869
• Horses: 0
You don't ever really get over it. I still shed a tear on occasion when I ride past the tree that my childhood mare rests under. It's been over 20 years. All you can do is cherish the memories and move on making new ones.
Posted via Mobile Device
MHFoundation Quarters is offline  
post #10 of 13 Old 08-20-2011, 03:45 AM
Foal
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 164
• Horses: 0
Quote:
Originally Posted by Speed Racer View Post
Well, it's not like Shadow died, which is what I thought when I saw the title of your thread.

I'm not unsympathetic, but you knew going in that this was a lease situation. It hardly qualifies as an actual loss though, since you know where she is, who she's with, and that she's alive and healthy.

Come back and talk to me about loss when you actually lose one to death. I know far too much about that type of loss.

In the meantime, stop comparing your youngster to Shadow. He deserves his own niche in your heart, not just as a replacement for somebody else's horse.
Everyone experiences different types of loss and the relative amount of that loss is fairly irrelevant. We're still left with a missing piece of what was once part of our life.

And we all experience different levels of loss at different times in our lives. It still helps to talk through it.

But you are right about the comparison. It isn't productive to compare a new horse to an old. Much like it isn't productive to compare two different circumstances of personal loss.
ohmyitschelle and gigem88 like this.
catsandhorses is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the The Horse Forum forums, you must first register.

Already have a Horse Forum account?
Members are allowed only one account per person at the Horse Forum, so if you've made an account here in the past you'll need to continue using that account. Please do not create a new account or you may lose access to the Horse Forum. If you need help recovering your existing account, please Contact Us. We'll be glad to help!

New to the Horse Forum?
Please choose a username you will be satisfied with using for the duration of your membership at the Horse Forum. We do not change members' usernames upon request because that would make it difficult for everyone to keep track of who is who on the forum. For that reason, please do not incorporate your horse's name into your username so that you are not stuck with a username related to a horse you may no longer have some day, or use any other username you may no longer identify with or care for in the future.



User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.


Old Thread Warning
This thread is more than 90 days old. When a thread is this old, it is often better to start a new thread rather than post to it. However, If you feel you have something of value to add to this particular thread, you can do so by checking the box below before submitting your post.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Have you ever lost your horse? grayshell38 Trail Riding 27 02-19-2011 02:32 AM
Where will a lost horse go? Texas Jacket Horse Talk 6 09-09-2010 01:01 AM
my horse has lost weight help please hrsjmpr32 Horse Health 25 11-05-2008 09:28 PM
My horse has lost it! HELP! lkvnyc Horse Training 17 12-20-2007 09:09 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome