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How to explain horse life to the non horsey?

This is a discussion on How to explain horse life to the non horsey? within the Horse Talk forums, part of the Keeping and Caring for Horses category

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        11-16-2013, 05:50 PM
      #11
    Weanling
    I do have to say, I am a bit envious of some of your relationships. I don't know how many times I have had my boyfriend grumble (if he goes with me) to the feed store and complain about the price of a bag of feed or complain about what time I will be coming over to his place when I have to feed the horses first. I try not to make the horses seem like a priority, but they kind of have to be sometimes.
         
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        11-16-2013, 06:10 PM
      #12
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SaddleStrings    
    I do have to say, I am a bit envious of some of your relationships. I don't know how many times I have had my boyfriend grumble (if he goes with me) to the feed store and complain about the price of a bag of feed or complain about what time I will be coming over to his place when I have to feed the horses first. I try not to make the horses seem like a priority, but they kind of have to be sometimes.
    um, if HE isn't paying for it, what business is it of his how much YOU spend on feed? Just saying...
    Northernstar likes this.
         
        11-16-2013, 06:11 PM
      #13
    Green Broke
    Not in any way to diss your boyfriend, but what I'm gathering is just plain wrong on his part. If he is with you (or without you) @ the feed store/@ your place when the farrier comes/@ your place if a hay delivery arrives, etc., there is no way he has the right to grumble about what you pay! This is your hard-earned money, and not his. He is out of line in that regard. As far as if you were to arrive late due to the care of your horses, (and I'm sure you call ahead to let him know), his first sentence should be, "So glad you made it! Are your horses o.k.?" If he needed to meet you for dinner a little late because he was trout fishing, you would probably say, "So glad you made it! Sounds like you had a super fishing trip today!" Those are the communications that make up a good relationship, that lead to a healthy marriage. Just food for thought :)
    Cinnys Whinny, Cacowgirl and dlady like this.
         
        11-16-2013, 06:14 PM
      #14
    Foal
    When me and my other half met he already knew I had a horse. He helped when I was pregnant, helped load hay/grain. Hook up the horse trailer and drive it. We both hunt also and he likes cars. So we both have things we do and things we do together :)
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    Cinnys Whinny likes this.
         
        11-16-2013, 06:34 PM
      #15
    Weanling
    I am finding it hard to tell my boyfriend that I can't imagine my life without a horse in it. I have had a horse since I was 14 years old, and now I am in my late 20's and work very hard to be able to keep having horses. I have not had any financial help with my horses since I was 16. I know there are and will be times when I can't be as focused on the horse thing, but I do the best I can. Horses have helped me through some tough times, and I'm not about to give up on this dream. But I do care for my boyfriend too, I would love to have a life with him, if only I can prove that I can make it work.
         
        11-16-2013, 06:46 PM
      #16
    Trained
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Northernstar    
    He sounds like quite a keeper, and I hope he proposes!! I'm blissfully married to a man like that- So unselfish regarding my endeavors and worships the ground I walk on. I'm 100% supportive in all of the things he enjoys, and together we're quite the happy couple. Good for you! :)
    Thank you. I really did luck out. I had to kiss a lot of toads to find one that WASN'T a toad. I really lucked out with this one.

    OP, your BF has to realize that horses rely on you for feed. They cannot feed themselves. If he gets mad for you having to feed them, then let him be mad. Better him mad then a hungry horse. Many guys that are insecure in life/their relationships will be jealous of your interests. He sounds like one of them.

    If horses are what you want in your life, then you need to put your foot down and stand up for yourself. If he wants to be a baby about it, so be it...
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        11-16-2013, 06:50 PM
      #17
    Green Broke
    What a gem you are, if he could only notice! Do not give up your life with horses for anyone - you work hard and have made your way. It's very clear that he needs to step up to the plate as the privileged role as your boyfriend, and he needs to make it work in order to keep you. If he does not, you will always have your horses in the meantime.... Win/Win for you :)
         
        11-16-2013, 07:05 PM
      #18
    Yearling
    Saddle strings I am in a similar headset to you.
    I am 24 my boyfriend of 5 years will be 34 come December.
    I live at home still

    I think he's pretty much just accepted the horse thing but still resents the amount of time it takes me away from him. The have been week I haven't seen him at all.
    He's never said anything but does send through the odd I miss you message that gives me pangs of guilt.
    To make it worse he works full time and I work nights thurs-sat and Sunday days.

    He's recently started getting back into his gym and PT. Before I knew him he was swimming at just below national level so does understand the commitment a sort has.

    Oddly I found myself quietly cranky that it meant more time. Limited things like going out to dinner and even our favorite hobby of sitting on the couch with cheese bicycles and a good bottle (or 2) of red. I then realized that I was being very petty and had to suck it up.

    I do worry at times what happens if a ring appears? It's been 5 years his friends are all starting to have kids. I've reasoned with myself that until I finish uni at the end of next year and get a full time teaching job I can't afford to move out with him. He's on over 100k I'm on about 20. He's looking at buying a house. I can't justify why he should have to fill in the gaps to pay for my horses.

    He tries to show an interest. Quite likes riding but we rarely go on trails ect.

    I've also pointed out that I rarely go out. I don't buy many clothes. I have limits on what I spend I won't spend over 50 on a dress including ball gowns, 20 for a top ect.

    I also told him early on that the horses come first. He had his chance to run now he's stuck with me!
         
        11-16-2013, 07:11 PM
      #19
    Green Broke
    My girlfriend never like horses, she is actually a bit afraid of him. In the beginning she didn't really understand why I loved them so much. One she came to a few lessons, shows and just watched me ride she realized how much joy it brings to me. I don't think she will ever be into them, but she is more then happy to support me. Likewise I make it a point to support her and her hobbies, like roller derby. I come to some practices and games. I'll even volunteer to help with team things if need be. I'm happy if she is happy!
    Posted via Mobile Device
         
        11-16-2013, 07:20 PM
      #20
    Green Broke
    After going together that long, and knowing that horses are such a huge part of your life, it definitely is his call to realize, "Well, am I 'stuck' with her for the rest of my life, and propose with horse intentions in mind, or will I be the guy who wishes like crazy I would have married this girl when I had the chance?" :)
         

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