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How to politely tell some one they can't ride your horse?

20K views 61 replies 46 participants last post by  TheRoundPen 
#1 ·
Why is it that just b/c you have a horse, people think its okay to ride it? I would never ask if I could take some ones car or husband for a spin, or ask to borrow their dog.

So one of my old co-workers and his wife are renting our other house from us. We don't hang out but it wouldn't be out of place if we did. She called and told me she had repaired something (fine, it was expected) but then we got to talking and she said "Hey can I come out and ride your horse this weekend?"

I was so taken aback that I spouted off some very true but lame reasons why not, "She's a pretty advanced horse and she's kind of mean".

Seriously though, she's a 16.3, 1450 lbs Swedish Warmblood Alpha Mare, who was competing at 4th level Dressage before taking the last year off to foal and is only now just after weaning starting to get back to being ridden.

I tried telling her that, but since she's not a horse person, it doesn't mean anything. All she said was, "Why would you have a mean horse?"

I tried explaining that she's tests riders and if she sense you don't know what you're doing she will pull wonky tricks until you either get scared or fall off. (If she thinks you know what you're doing she's an angel and is highly sensitive and responsive.)

But she still assumes she can ride my horse and its just a matter of scheduling.

How can I tell someone I have a personal and business relationship with, that she is not good enough to ride my horse?
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#3 ·
Tell her like it is.

I don't let anyone ride Selena unless it's someone I know and trust (My Mom or my trainer) or my cousin, but she's six and only wants to walk around.

My friend wanted to run Selena in poles and I thought, okay, let her try.

After a ride or two it became obvious she was not going to be able to handle her. It was a mess, she was going to undo the work I had done with my horse, I told her Selena was too much for her and I would prefer she not run her.
 
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#4 ·
Write out a huge great disclaimer, absolving you if any responsibility in the event of your horse bucking, rearing, running off etc etc etc.

Then add a few clauses about how you can reclaim money from her if a ride by a novice rider upsets your mares training.

If she signs it then let her ride:lol:

OR

Just smile politely and say "No, you can't ride my horse, I don't allow anyone else to ride her"

Or

You could say yeah sure, you can ride my horse If I can sleep with your husband.

I vote for choice 2, just very nicely say no, it's your horse, it's up to you who rides her, no need to make excuses, justify or even apologize.
 
#5 ·
Just be frank with her. Tell her that you don't want her getting hurt and your mare is just the kind of horse that could/would hurt her, just by testing her. Or just say that you don't let other people ride your horse, period. I've had to do the same thing, but it was a guy at work asking if he could ride my green-as-grass coming 4yo draft cross gelding who I've only let my trainer friend and my best friend ride (both of whom know exactly how I want him trained/handled).
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#36 ·
Tell them you don't have liability coverage for non-family members.

If married, blame your husband. That is what my wife would do..."He won't let anyone ride the horses! He's paranoid, but what can I do?"
I would totally do this as well - one of the benefits of having a partner/wife/husband is that you can use them as a reason to not do things!!!
Honestly - Use the insurance thing if you dont want to offend them.
 
#8 ·
I don't mind people asking to ride, though I don't let but a few (very few) ride my gelding. My mare, no. Everyone has to start somewhere to ride, who else to ask but a horse person? And them not being a horse person (at least not yet) don't know what they don't know. I just explain why, they seem to understand. I usually kindly direct them to a local rental stable (with good healthy, well cared for horses) to get started.
 
#9 ·
Under these delicate circumstances, I would say:

1. I don't have liability to cover anyone but myself or my husband (as the Owners) to ride the horse.

2. Horses have varied personalities and levels of schooling. She is not your ordinary backyard/pasture pet that just anybody can ride.

3. She recently had a baby, sometimes has Post-Partem Syndrome, and will most likely remain 1,500 pounds worth of hormonal until her system gets back to normal from nursing a baby.

4. She is essentially a college graduate with a _______ degree in Dressage (what would 4th level dressage equal in a human degree?) That means she is extremely sensitive to physical signals; inadvertently giving her the wrong signal at the wrong time could end up with you "falling" off.

4.1 Annnnd that goes back to number one regarding no liability insurance:D

I have found more-often-than-not, if you can translate horse talk into language non-horse people understand, they have a more clear understanding, and hopefully fear, of why they don't need to get on your horse:lol::lol:

I have been riding and training trail horses 53 of my 65 years and I wouldn't ask to ride your highly schooled horse for fear of giving it the wrong signals. There's a big difference between riding a trail horse and riding 4th level Dressage:-p

And for that fact, she wouldn't be riding my trail horses either. In this day and age of law suits, I would simply say "nupe, you can't ride, I'm not watching you get dumped and land in the ER at my expense:lol:

I hope this helps:)
 
#18 ·
Under these delicate circumstances, I would say:

1. I don't have liability to cover anyone but myself or my husband (as the Owners) to ride the horse.

2. Horses have varied personalities and levels of schooling. She is not your ordinary backyard/pasture pet that just anybody can ride.

3. She recently had a baby, sometimes has Post-Partem Syndrome, and will most likely remain 1,500 pounds worth of hormonal until her system gets back to normal from nursing a baby.

4. She is essentially a college graduate with a _______ degree in Dressage (what would 4th level dressage equal in a human degree?) That means she is extremely sensitive to physical signals; inadvertently giving her the wrong signal at the wrong time could end up with you "falling" off.

4.1 Annnnd that goes back to number one regarding no liability insurance:D

I have found more-often-than-not, if you can translate horse talk into language non-horse people understand, they have a more clear understanding, and hopefully fear, of why they don't need to get on your horse:lol::lol:

I have been riding and training trail horses 53 of my 65 years and I wouldn't ask to ride your highly schooled horse for fear of giving it the wrong signals. There's a big difference between riding a trail horse and riding 4th level Dressage:-p

And for that fact, she wouldn't be riding my trail horses either. In this day and age of law suits, I would simply say "nupe, you can't ride, I'm not watching you get dumped and land in the ER at my expense:lol:

I hope this helps:)

Personally, I'd be tempted to just print this out and hand it to her! If she really knows NOTHING about horses, this might help her understand just what she's asking. And why you are refusing.

If my neighbor had a Porshe in his back yard, I wouldn't be asking to take it for a spin....and it's the same thing except your horse is a living being instead of a machine. This woman can't tell a Porshe from a chevy or a highly trained dressage horse from a cart horse. She will need an education or she's just going to think you're being mean. Or you could just let her think you're mean. It all depends on you.

(If you have any suspicion that she might sneak out and actually try to ride, I'd make sure she knows she will be forfeiting her hands.....but then I'm just mean like that!) :lol:
 
#11 ·
For some reason this has always been super easy for me....."Nope I don't let anyone else ride my horse...sorry" There are many good reasons presented by those above me but honestly for me personally I am just really adamant about not wanting others on my horse and I really dont think I need to get into all those reasons with someone who asks. I agree that IMO it is just not polite to ask that of someone. I would just tell them straight forward in a nice manner and end the discussion so it doesnt get brought up and catch you off guard again. ;)
 
#12 ·
With the two horses I have now I just tell the truth. One has never had anyone on her but me and I honestly don't know what she would do with anyone else.
The second is a fire cracker that I don't even ride anymore.

Even if these things were not true I wouldn't let anyone ride my horses. I am very generous with most things but my horses....MINE...
 
#17 ·
Why is it that just b/c you have a horse, people think its okay to ride it? I would never ask if I could take some ones car or husband for a spin, or ask to borrow their dog.

So one of my old co-workers and his wife are renting our other house from us. We don't hang out but it wouldn't be out of place if we did. She called and told me she had repaired something (fine, it was expected) but then we got to talking and she said "Hey can I come out and ride your horse this weekend?"

I was so taken aback that I spouted off some very true but lame reasons why not, "She's a pretty advanced horse and she's kind of mean".

Seriously though, she's a 16.3, 1450 lbs Swedish Warmblood Alpha Mare, who was competing at 4th level Dressage before taking the last year off to foal and is only now just after weaning starting to get back to being ridden.

I tried telling her that, but since she's not a horse person, it doesn't mean anything. All she said was, "Why would you have a mean horse?"

I tried explaining that she's tests riders and if she sense you don't know what you're doing she will pull wonky tricks until you either get scared or fall off. (If she thinks you know what you're doing she's an angel and is highly sensitive and responsive.)

But she still assumes she can ride my horse and its just a matter of scheduling.

How can I tell someone I have a personal and business relationship with, that she is not good enough to ride my horse?
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No, you can't ride my horse. If they persist, no, my insurance won't allow it.
 
#19 ·
My sis in law recently asked if she could go with me to the barn to see my mare and ride her. I just explained she's in full training, in a show barn, no one but me and my trainer get to ride her. She had backyard horses growing up, so a horse in training was foreign to her. I still feel bad about saying no, but one kick in the side and my sis in law would have been in a situation she couldn't control.

I'd politely just say no to your co worker.
 
#21 ·
I remember asking someone this very question before I started to learn to ride and I believe their response was no my horses are not ridden except for showing.

While technically a lie as the horses are ridden in preperation for shows too it got the point across without offending me and I understood that hey these horses are not some kids pony.
 
#25 ·
I'd just say no. One of my friends wanted to ride my horse, I have let alot of my friends ride my horse, but only ones that ride on a daily basis's. This girl thought she knew everything since she took 3 years of lessons and leased a horse that always bucked. Never once did I see her buck, anyway. I just told her its against the barns rules for a kid to ride someone's horse without there parent there. End of story. It's not the barns rules, but I didnt want her riding my horse. :)
 
#28 ·
I'd just say no. One of my friends wanted to ride my horse, I have let alot of my friends ride my horse, but only ones that ride on a daily basis's. This girl thought she knew everything since she took 3 years of lessons and leased a horse that always bucked. Never once did I see her buck, anyway. I just told her its against the barns rules for a kid to ride someone's horse without there parent there. End of story. It's not the barns rules, but I didnt want her riding my horse. :)


Ok, so what do you do when she shows up with a parent???? Too much bull crap! Put your big girl panties on and just say "NO".
 
#26 ·
Too complicated. Skip all the things about how the mare tests riders and skip the snappy comeback. She's not intending to insult you. A lot of people simply don't consider a horse as a personal thing. Explain that the horse requires a very well trained Dressage rider to control her and to not negatively impact her training. Youre not causing offense by saying no. You're not obligated to say yes. If she's offended it's her sense of entitlement causing it.
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#29 ·
I feel so excited that I was offered to ride her and I'm still alive, Copper. :) LOL

But..I agree..Just let her kniw that since she doesn't have years of dressage riding, the horse will most likely send her to the ER, and you'd rather her stay alive as a friend, lol.
If I let someone ride Lucky out of the indoor arena (tiny), they'd be off in a heartbeat and never want to ride again.
If I let someone ride ST, I have no doubt they'd be fine, but I charge a lesson fee. No one asks again because they don't want to pay, lol.
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#30 ·
Thank you everyone for all of your help! I hate disappointing people and I really do love to encourage new riders. If she had ANY experience it would be a different story, but I think the closest she's been is watching horse movies.

its just difficult b/c this lady is my renting a house from us and I want to preserve the friendly relationship. I think I'm going to lead with good old fashion cowardly avoidance and if needed escalate to care for her safety & liability.

I'm GREAT with horses but completely horrible with people. Why can't I just give her an angry look and snap at her and tell her to STOP, and then just wait until she drops her head and licks and chews at me and then we can be friends again?!
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#39 ·
I'm GREAT with horses but completely horrible with people. Why can't I just give her an angry look and snap at her and tell her to STOP, and then just wait until she drops her head and licks and chews at me and then we can be friends again?!
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:clap::rofl: Oh wouldn't it make life easier.
 
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